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Wednesday, July 30, 2014

My recent struggle with submission and my quest to be a great lover with women.

No one ever said life as a submissive was an easy one. Most of the time submission to Sir comes so naturally to me. I want it. I crave it. I live it. I like to think I'm quite proficient with all things submissive but recently I have had some big hurdles to overcome.

I won't go into the details but recently when Sir and I were spending time with a new friend Angela, I behaved in a very unsubmissive way. In fact, my behavior was downright disrespectful to him. The short story is that there was some miscommunication and instead of talking about it in a calm, rational manner and remembering how Sir has never done anything to cause me genuine harm (only the good kind!), I threw a hissy fit. Not my finest moment
I have never been this disrespectful to him before and while I realized my mistake immediately and came back to my submissive state shortly afterwards, the damage was done. I was absolutely horrified.

I've had a lot of extra stress in my life outside of my submission lately. I am usually pretty good at compartmentalizing things and I don't like anything ruining my precious time with Sir. Lately, it has been a lot harder than usual to separate and leave my worries behind but I didn't think it was noticeable to anyone but me. I was wrong about that. Sir is an observant man and he knew I wasn't as carefree and focused as I usually am.

I won't go into the ugly details of my transgression but it was very bad and I've been in various stages of distress since. It's been almost 2 weeks and things still don't feel quite right. I would do anything to take it back but that isn't going to happen. It is going to take time to build back the faith he lost in me.

Even now, almost two weeks later, I can feel some lingering disappointment hanging over us like a black cloud. I hate it! I want him to see me like he did. I want to once again walk around in my usual spunky, horny and sexually charged state. Happy knowing he is proud of me and my dedication to submission. He said there will be a punishment which will be both emotionally and physically taxing on me. While this brings me some anxiety, I cannot wait to pay for the consequences of my actions. My hope is that it will finally end this dark chapter in our journey.

Sir had been quiet and hadn't asked me to do much of anything since this incident. He said he had never been so disappointed or furious with me before but assured me we were not over. I don't think I have never been so relieved to hear anything in my life! I appreciate him so much that words can't even begin to describe the deep respect and admiration I have for him.

As a true submissive, I love to serve him. There is nothing I have ever refused him so you can imagine how happy I was when he asked me to send photo's of outfits so he could choose one yesterday. I even got to go without panties! This instantly lifted my spirits and I found my happy horny self slowly begin to re-emerge. I knew I hadn't fully redeemed myself but I felt that this was progress. I even found myself actually contemplating asking permission to cum. I had only asked once in almost 2 weeks. I have NEVER gone that long! While my body still got physically aroused and was craving it, as soon as I thought about asking, it just didn't feel right. I didn't deserve orgasms.

Yesterday he texted me that I should work on pleasing the woman more when we are all together. He said I focus on him and don't do much with her. I didn't notice it while we were together but thinking back on it now, he is 100% correct.

My attraction to him is so strong. So strong, that I often have a hard time seeing anything else. It is like having a Kobe steak along with a side dish of Ramon noodles. Of course, I am going to want to devour the steak. Maybe I'll have a couple of bites of the noodles just to say I had some but I really just want to get back to that steak.

He said I need to work on at least appearing to be interested in the woman. It's not that I don't like them or find them unattractive. In fact, quite the opposite. Both recent woman are sexy, sweet and interesting but still every fiber of my being wants to fuck him! However, I understand what he is saying and while it will take some effort, I will get this down for him. I am so happy to be able to serve and please him again that there is no way I will mess this up.

I started thinking about how to best please a woman and make her feel special and adored. You would think that being a woman I would get it but it's tricky. Women all seem so different. I knew it would  take some specific tailoring depending on who it was but I eagerly set out to find the ultimate way to please a member of the fairer sex.

Here are some of the things I found that will be very helpful to remember.

Make her feel good- One of the best ways to please a woman is to make her feel good in your company. Help her with her problems and learn to comfort her when she is depressed or in a bad mood. The better she feels around you the more pleased she will be. I think I am already good at this but it is good to remember.

Compliment wisely- Another good way too make a woman feel good about herself is to compliment her when you feel she truly deserves it. Women are quick to pick up on fake compliments and would know when you are saying it just to make them feel good, so be sincere. I think I am good at seeing the good in people and already do this as well.

Don't start in the bedroom - Do little things to let her know you are thinking about her. Text sexual innuendos and tell her how sexy she is and all the things you want to do to her when you get together. Sir is an expert at this one. By the time I see him I can orgasm just by looking at him!

Those are excellent things to keep the energy going until you see he next. Now the time comes when you are lying in bed. This where it starts to get hard.

Relax her - It's  hard for women to orgasm or enjoy herself if she is stressed. Start with a massage. Then after she is relaxed keep touching her lightly all over, Her arms, legs, breasts, lips. Trace lightly and don't stop. This will hopefully turn her into putty just waiting to be molded in to pleasure,

Ignore the vagina - at first. Prolonged foreplay actually increases the chances of her cuming? Try kissing, caressing and touching her LONGER, you'll build the sexual tension and often the anticipation will be very powerful.

I learned the is such a thing as too much clitoris. I guess that once you have stimulated the clitoris for some time, a little thing called the clitoral hood will actually come out and cover the clitoris to protect it from further direct stimulation. I had no idea. So once the clitoris is fully stimulated, make sure you go on to pleasure the G-spot next, whether it be with your hand, tongue or a penis.
I still don't really understand what is the big deal with this G-spot is but it seems important to stimulate it to get a woman to cum. It kind of feels like the roof of your mouth and is located about 2 inches inside the vagina on the top side. (On the underside of her stomach.) The predominant way to pleasure the G-spot is by doing a "come here" motion with your fingers. I actually just recently learned this from both Angela and A. They both need this done to reach an orgasm. I personally don't like it and find it almost painful but knowing they need this, I now know exactly where to focus my attention.

So these are just some of the basic strategies I will apply the next time Sir and I share a woman. I am going to keep reading and studying until l make pleasing a woman second nature. 

I can't wait to show Sir how far I've come and how seriously I take his wants and desires.

1 comment:

  1. Maybe I shouldn't read. ;) .... It makes me too inquisitive. Sigh. I hate that feeling of something looming over you. This is constantly looming over me. I'm glad to read how much you've grown.