Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
I am not a religious person, especially when it comes to organized religion but I go through phases of being somewhat spiritual. Recently, I've been trying to get back to that.
The last 6 months were tough being fraught with death, loss and unwanted change. Unhappiness, suspicion and irritability became my go to emotions. I wasn't always a very nice person and could even be downright mean. Sir, who has been dealing with struggles of his own, was getting exasperated with me and I seriously feared my intense need to control would drive him away. I got caught up in trauma and petty arguments. This was not normal for me and I didn't want it to be! I was pretty miserable.
I guess I just got tired of being angry, resentful and worrying about things I had no control over. Something had to change. I started to read everything I could about finding a happier life for myself and learning how to let go of the outcome. It would be hard but living how I had been would be way worse.
As I started my quest for contentment one word kept coming into my mind. Peace. If I could figure "peace" out maybe I could be the happier, kinder, gentler person I want to be.
Peace is what? What is Peace? What Peace Is..
1. Peace is actively accepting what is happening. No comparing. No judging. No fixing. No living for the future or grasping for a different reality in a way that brings undue or unwise strain to your person…Because you are not any of these things.
2. Peace is an act of solidarity with oneself and with all beings and matter. I am not my thoughts or my circumstances, but I am part of all that is. Space and things and thoughts, all of these relate to each other as distinct realities but not separate ones. When I breathe air from the space around me and take it in, something is shared with me and I share something with it. WE are a collective harmony that sometimes is experienced as disharmony, and sometimes not, but we are a true tapestry. It is great gift to intentionally submit to this unity and mutuality, to be aware of it and to embrace it consciously. There is wisdom that flows from this intentionality and its fruit is peace.
3. Peace is more than acceptance and solidarity though. Peace is loving kindness for all beings and for all things FOR their distinctness and FOR their togetherness. True humanity is innately loving and can be found in this level of consciousness and skill alone. Until I can love all things for their freedom to be unique and for their ‘lack of freedom’ in their connectedness, I am always reacting out of something other than my true, highest nature, which is loving kindness.
All that is not peace in me comes from living down to a lower impulse and it is this lower impulse-fear, hate, anxiety, too much of a good thing- that promotes fracturedness and uneasiness. Loving kindness brings me into harmony with my true self, with who I am and peace is the sign that love has made its home in me where it is destined to flower and grow. Where there is love, I am being my true, distinct self as part of the larger connectedness I share with all beings and all things.
I'm not sure how much of that makes sense but it made sense to me as I was writing it. I would love to say that I've become this totally zen being who always sees the glass as half full but that wouldn't be true. I still struggle every day. Despite that, I'm starting to learn to chill out a bit. To think before I overreact or become defensive. I'm learning to forgive my mistakes and shortcomings. While I regret any pain they caused anyone else, I don't regret the pain they caused me. All of it made me who I am and led me to where I am today.
And at for this exact moment in time, where I am is not a bad place to be.
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Every year we see emails, cards, commercials, billboards around this time reminding us to be thankful. Its easy to say, but it isn't always so easy to do. I know that it has been a challenging year for many of us as we have been a part of so many changes. For some of us, these changes involved moving on to new jobs, new housing, new relationships and new stages of life. There were goodbyes and endings just as there were hellos and beginnings. There was extreme elation and great depths of despair.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who simultaneously felt sad as I had to say farewell to things which had been such an integral part of my life and yet also excited and optimistic about future opportunities.
I can say this, however. I am indeed thankful for so many things and even all of the people whose paths crossed with mine regardless if ours was a positive or negative interaction.The last year for me has been full of change, successes, failures, laughs, and tears. I’m thankful for them all. I’m thankful for the time with my family, the new experiences, my d/s relationship with Sir, the opportunities to grow, the jokes (sometimes at my expense), the friendships, and most of all I’m thankful for all of the memories.
Our lives will continue to be full of change, some good and some bad, but we can always be thankful for the experiences along the way. Each one is a mile marker along the road of life. After all, those experiences are what makes us who we are and have brought us to this very moment.
So this week while you gather around friends and family to share a meal and the things you are thankful for, remember all of those little moments. On their own they may seem like insignificant parts of everyday life, but they are the threads that make up the tapestries of our lives. Be thankful for every precious moment, be it small or significant. When I’m thinking about those things I’m thankful for this Thursday, all of these will be among them.
A very Happy Thanksgiving to all of you, my friends.