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Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Servicing in Silence

 

Last night, Sir and I fulfilled yet another long time fantasy. I was to come to him, not utter a single word the whole time I am there and then leave as soon as he is done using me. I like to call it “Servicing in Silence” and let me tell you, it was even better in reality than it was in my fantasies! I am getting wet again just writing about it.

 

Sir had rare evening home alone and decided that he would like to be serviced. When I saw his text, my pussy became instantly wet and I mentally began to go through the logistics of making sure I was there to see that his needs were met.


I love to go to him when he is in need of my services. Words cannot accurately describe the incredible pleasure it brings me both physically and mentally to be able to serve him in this way.

 

Shortly after his initial text, I received another telling me to come in wearing my nipple clamps and not to say a fucking word the whole time I was there. My excitement grew. We had talked about this several times before and now it was finally going to become a reality!

 

I got what I had to do taken care of and arrived at his house around 10:30pm. I opened the door and saw him sitting his a chair. My body immediately entered that beautiful state of arousal and submission. I straddled him, trying to suck every ounce of his essence I could. Just as I felt the urge to cum, he told me go upstairs to his bed. I thought to myself, “This no talking thing isn’t so hard and just as hot as I thought it would be.”

 

He came in the room, sat down on the edge of the bed and read the instructions for the new video camera we got to record our adventures. I happily sucked his cock trying very hard to remember all the ways to make deep throating more successful. I was able to get him all the way down briefly but not consistently which is my goal. Ugh! When will I ever conquer this?

 

He told me to lay face down on the bed and I obeyed immediately. He said what a good girl I was to come service him so quickly and as my reward I was allowed to orgasm as many times as I would like. You can only imagine the happy horny bitch I was at that moment! He went on to say that we did have one order of business to take care before we started and I knew immediately what was going to come next.

 

One Sir’s rules is that I am to text him each night before I go to bed telling him which of the things he has given me that I wore that day. The night before I did compose a text with this information but for some reason, it didn’t go through. Well, actually the reason is that I did not push send. It wasn’t until I got a text the next morning asking what happened that I realized my error. 


I know this wouldn’t be much of a concern with anyone else but I DO NOT like messing up his rules, even accidently. I am often surprised by how upset it makes me when I  disappoint him. Submission takes devotion, persistence and in instances like this, precision. This was a careless mistake and I should have checked to see that it sent.

 

I knew this was a punishable offense but that wasn’t what distressed me. What distressed me was that I let him down and to a submissive woman, letting down her Dominant is worse than any physical punishment that can be doled out. He gave me lashes and while it hurt, it was a cleansing hurt and I felt proud to be paying for my misdeed by taking my punishment.

 

As usual, taking a well-deserved punishment made me wet and horny! When he started fucking me, I thought I would explode. I came literally seconds after he entered me. It was amazing and I remember wondering how it was possible to feel this good. In these situations, I don’t have a very good concept of time but I soon orgasmed again and again. Sir asked me questions about learning my lesson and I answered him by shaking my head yes and no being very careful not to speak. I noticed that it became more difficult to be quiet when he fucked me and I realized that Sir and I talk quite a bit during sex. I had never really thought about it before we really do communicate a lot while fucking. While our communication has made our connection even more amazing there was something to be said for this forced silence. It made me feel happy and submissive. I easily communicated everything I needed to with my body. Oh, how  loved this and I was so turned on! This experience was turning out to be everything I imagined it would be and more.

 

I was just about to have yet another orgasm when I felt a sharp, painful blow to my cheek. It nearly took my breath away. He said I was not to say a single word. I didn’t even realize I said anything at all which made it all the more painful. I began to cry. Mostly from the shock and the pain. It took awhile to compose myself but he asked if I wanted to wallow on the fact I spoke or keep enjoy my freedom to orgasm. This snapped me out of my pity party and  soon I was having yet another orgasm.

 

Awhile later he said we could either stop or I could take 12 lashes. This is always an easy decision for me. I’ll do anything for orgasms and I never turn them down despite how painful the alternative may be. I took my  lashes and the pain was “exquisite” for lack of a better word. I knew I was in what was called "sub space" and it is a beautiful place to be. The pain fulfilled me like it ever had before. Sir stuck his fingers in my pussy and he could tell by my dripping wet cunt, that I was in a state of pure ecstasy. I came again twice, maybe three times, I can never keep count and then ended with what is always one of my favorite parts. Sir cumming deep inside me. If there is a heaven, I imagine that is what it is like.

 

Sir got up and brought me a towel and a glass of water. I cleaned myself up, kissed him and went to put on my panties. He walked me to the hallway and with one last kiss I walked out silently into the night. 

 

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

A recommitment to deep throating

So, last week while I was sucking Sir's cock, he had to remind me again to watch my teeth. This got me thinking how I really need to renew my goal of learning to deep throat. Sir deserves an open, willing throat to use as he pleases!

Now, this is no easy task especially considering the fact Sir is incredibly well endowed with 8 inches of amazing cock. I've got him down briefly in the past but not consistently enough to to consider this goal met.

I've done lots of research on this subject and wanted to share what I have found out about the many ways to improve your performance. 

The first thing I would like to discuss the psychological component. Deepthroating is a sexual technique, a skill if you will – and it requires you to suppress your gag reflex in order to swallow his penis. This requires muscle control as well as a willing nature. If you have the will, there is a way and if there is one thing I have when it comes to Sir it is a will to find a way! 

The first thing is to come prepared. This means practicing on your own. Probably the biggest obstacle to deepthroating is the the gag reflex. There really are no super secrets to eliminating or overcoming the gag reflex – simply mind over matter and practice. Controlling your gag reflex takes time. The key is to slowly desensitize it and these steps will show you how to to practice for the real thing..
  1. Using either a finger, toothbrush or a dildo specifically made for this purpose is best. Just place it into your mouth and slowly edge towards the back of your throat.
  2. Eventually you will feel it hit the back of your throat where it will trigger your gag reflex. When this happens, hold it there and don’t move it.
  3. You now need to maintain your breathing through your nose while at the same time heavily concentrating on relaxing your throat. (Sometimes this is really easy and sometimes this can be quite tough. The key is to keep trying, even if you do find yourself accidentally gagging every now and then.)
  4. Hold the object steady at the back of your throat for up to 10 seconds. Don’t try to move it in or out.
  5. Try doing this for 3 or more times every day for a week. You’ll star to find towards the end of the week that it will get a lot easier and your gag reflex won’t be as sensitive
  6. Your gag reflex will becomes less and less sensitive over the coming weeks, as you continue practicing. Once you notice this, then it’s time to take it a step further. Every once in a while, try moving the dildo slowly in and out of your mouth so that it’s repeatedly brushing off your gag reflex. The first few times you try this, your gag reflex will be heavily stimulated making you feel like throwing up. But it’s important to try your best to stay calm, keep breathing and relax (even if your throat is in spasms!).
  7. After a few weeks of this, you will have eventually worn down the sensitivity of your gag reflex to the point where you are quite comfortable taking it deep into and out out your throat without convulsing or coughing excessively.
Once you have been practicing diligently these techniques, you are now ready to show off your skills. Choose a position in which you are more submissive, down on your knees, for example, looking up at him from below. When thinking about an appropriate position look for comfort and a good view. It's important that you are both comfortable so that you don’t lose focus and in a position that gives him the feeling of power over you confident in  your complete submission to him. I like lying on my back with my head hanging over the bed and Sir standing above me. This allows the greatest penetration, comfort and is an excellent view for Sir to watch as his submissive bitch serves him. Also by looking up at him  you see his reactions to your ‘moves’ and you can adjust your performance accordingly.

Before you attempt to  deepthroat, make sure you exercise your facial muscles just a little bit. Because it's possible for your jaws to get tired during the blow job (if you are novice, experienced women gave me head for over an hour), massage your cheeks and open your mouth as much as you can. Just to get your mouth ready.

Relax your jaw as much as possible. Keep your tongue flat, sticking it out as much as you can as you guide him into your mouth, Then, as you would a regular blowjob, start by licking the tip of his cock, sucking the sides and getting it moist with saliva. Be sure to get his shaft as wet as possible. The penis must be THOROUGHLY LUBRICATED! I can’t stress this enough. An erect dick will slide much easier along the tongue and into the throat if it is well lubricated. Your totally wet mouth will also communicate an important message to him: I’m super-excited. Saliva needs to be dripping all over the place.

By now you should be warmed up, relaxed, in a submissive position and ready to please him. Use your hands to hold his cock at the base and really give it your attention. You need to be hungry. Literally starve for it, need it, like an addict needs a drug. That’s the way you must need and desire his penis. Then, begin to work his cock further and further down your throat.

Remember to stay calm and do not hold your breath!

Form a tight seal around his cock and repeat everything you practiced with the dildo. Focus on relaxing your gag reflex and pushing through it. 

It's helpful to practice giving blow jobs by not using your hands what so ever, just your mouth.This will force you to improve your technique and suction.Some girls have a hard time getting it in deeper, because they think they cant, but they can most of the time. It's just a matter of practice and strong will. Always believe anything is possible.
Once you have these key concepts down, the only thing left is practice, practice and practice more practice. That's really all there is to it. I was practicing daily awhile back and was making great strides but I stopped and am back to where I started. That is not acceptable.
I want to master this for Sir and as of today, I am recommitting myself to learning this so I can take him down my throat whenever he desires.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Types of Submissive Training

I was recently talking with a friend about what kind of training is involved in a D/S relationship. It made me realize once again how lucky I am that I have journeyed into submission under Sir and how he seems to intuitively knows the right way to do things. He has trained me in many ways and I always give everything I have when learning to submit to his expectations. Here are just a few kinds of training out there.

Physical
- Physical training encompasses all areas requiring movements, positions and postures excluding for our purposes here, things sexual or pertaining to the acquisition of physical skills. Makes me think of planks! But that's a story for another time. There are differences among dominants as to what physical training is desirable and important in the development of a submissive. I always say that Sir does not need handcuff's or rope for me because I follow his order to stay in a certain position simply because he told me too.

Verbal 
 - At its most basic, verbal training includes how the submissive addresses his or her dominant. It has been my experience that dominants have preferences about how a submissive is permitted to address them and you may be confident that this information will be provided to you. I call mine Sir. It seems awkward at first but now it is second nature. This would also include not talking back, being bratty or disrespectful.

Mental 
 - Training focused on the mental realm involves things like memorization, keeping a journal, improving concentration skills, acquiring new knowledge, improving problem solving skills and learning to bend the will more effectively to that of the dominant through development of greater determination to please and persistence to pursue tasks and assignments. One thing that I do in this category is write in my blog once a week which is actually what I am doing now. I'm sure I would not do this every week if it wasn't one of his requirements.

Emotional 
 This is for the purpose of helping a submissive to learn to be more obedient or less willful. This would also include not talking back, being bratty or disrespectful. This is harder that you might think! I never realized that I could be quite argumentative and have learned to curtail this. This should not be confused with never having a voice. Sir allows me to discuss any concerns I may have but ultimately his word is final. I actually rarely have issue with any of his decisions so it isn't very difficult. 

Sexual - This is probably my favorite category and the possibilities are endless! Some common sexual training topics include things like:
  1. Learning to experience increased arousal
  2. Learning to become sexual in new ways
  3. Overcoming sexual blocks (e.g., mental, moral, ethical, shame)
  4. Erotic movement 
  5. Restrictions on masturbation frequenc
  6. Orgasm control/denial
  7. Overcoming body shame. I don't have much of a problem with this but I see it  oftenwith other submissive's.Rituals and Protocols - A ritual may be defined as any formalized action or set of actions, repeated in a specific and structured way. Rituals are processed at the subconscious level, making the practice of rituals a very effective means of shaping a person's beliefs, self-image, thoughts and behavior. Thus, rituals  are a key part of submissive training and a tool often used by dominants.

 Rituals and the psychology behind them:

  • Rituals have a repeatable structure, basically a script. Repeating the same thing regularly helps it become a habit that sinks deep into the self-conscious.
  • Rituals should have a definite purpose, objective or goal. Whether the submissive is aware of it or not, the dominant should be.
  • The most effective rituals have a direct link to specific activities or events.
  • Rituals should be simple, using relatively few words and acts.
  • Rituals should have a definite beginning and end.
  • The number of rituals should be limited. Too many and they become difficult to remember, a burden and limit spontaneity. 
Remember, training is going to vary from situation and preferences to individual personalities. Before starting anything, always make sure all parties are fully aware of all possibilities and Hard and Soft Limits are in place and agreed on.I always feel like I need to say that even though because of the trust and comfort level I have with Sir, limits never cross my mind. Our interactions have just always flowed mutually and naturally but the more I learn, the more I realize this is the exception to the rule and that submissive's need to be careful who they allow to train them.


Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Sub Frenzy

Sir had me to come to him last Saturday night. He warned me he was in an "odd" mood and even gave me the option to leave. Of course, I said no. I would never do that no matter what he told me would happen. I'm stubborn like that. Not to mention, by the time I got there, I was so incredibly horny and could think of nothing but submitting to him. No, nothing in the world could have made me leave.

 

Leading up to Saturday, I had been thinking a lot about how far Sir has brought me in two years, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. I also thought about how far he would bring me in another the future. How much better will I be because of his guidance and demands? How much better will I be able to serve him, how many more uses will he have for me? Yes, I thought a lot about these things and by the time Saturday came around, I could only think about serving him and of all the lovely things he may do to me and how I want to beg for more, to beg him to do anything he wanted to me at any time, in any way.  

 

I can't really find the exact words to describe that feeling I get in the hours and days before I know am going to see him. The cravings are physical and mental. I want it. I need it. I have to have it. It starts to consume my every thought. It's hard to calm my body and mind down enough to even sleep and when I do finally fall asleep I dream about it! I wonder if this is how a junkie needing that next fix feels? I've learned there is a name for this feeling. This is called sub frenzy is and by the time Sir told me to come to him, I was in a full blown state.

 

Saturday night was unique for me. We seemed to go to a deeper level. I think he felt that as well. I also cried for the first time purely out of physical pain. It happened shortly after I got to his house. I had yet to fall completely into that "subspace" yet when he pinched my nipple, the one with a ring in it. Hard. As the pain seared though my body, the damn of tears just broke. He wasn't kidding he was in a mood but he never lost control. Oh, how I admire that! He was tough on me. There is no doubt about that. I wanted to take everything he wanted to give me. I hate disappointing him. The thought of telling him no makes me shudder. Good thing that because of our connection, I know I will never have to.

 

It was soon after he broke me that I became completely immersed in my submission. I think the house could have been on fire and I wouldn't have noticed. I was completely under his spell and would do anything he wanted.

 

Sometimes, I am still surprised I was ever able to reach this point. In my normal life, it makes me extremely uncomfortable to be vulnerable. I don't usually cry and talk endlessly about my emotions and problems. I am much more likely to process them on my own. Right or wrong, that is just how I have always been. I am in control. Hence, my never ending battle. Needing to be in control and needing not to be. I suppose it is just another way I am masochistic...

 

So how does someone so guarded go from that to offering up themselves with no conditions and their soul on display?  This has become natural for me, being completely vulnerable, showing deeply personal emotion in front of him. Not playing hard to get or playing those games people play so they have the upper hand. With him I don't want the upper hand. But why? To be honest, I am not really sure why I can be like this with Sir but I do know one thing. It involves a huge amount of trust.

 

I trust Sir completely. I trust him in a way I've never trusted anyone. I definitely have never shown vulnerability with anyone like I do with him. Maybe this should freak me out but oddly, it doesn't. I have seen time and time again how he "knows" just how far to push me. He takes my trust very seriously and would never fuck with it. This trust is a part of what makes our bond so strong and without that bond, we could never have come this far.

 

I love this path we are on. I love how it forces me to examine myself, inspires me to think about what will I do to serve and honor him, and strive to be the best submissive that I can be. I am excited to see the growth in myself, growth because of Sir, because of his training and strict demands. It has become my desire to serve Sir to the best of my ability and to prove my worthiness each and every day.

 

Today, I will be the best submissive for Sir by thanking him and acknowledging that I understand and appreciate his time in showing me that he owns me and he cares deeply about how I am feeling. By making sure I clearly understand that I am his property, to do what he wants with, when he wants it.  

 

He pushes me hard, sometimes, harder than I ever thought I could be pushed, yet, he is always there waiting to pick me back up.  I see that with clarity. He is not a man of flowery words, but a man of deep intense consistent action. He is my Sir and I am his, and what an incredibly lucky girl I am.

 

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

A High Sex Drive - The Pain and Pleasure of being a Horny Bitch!

Historically, I have had a typically average sex drive. Actually, it even could have been considered low after I had kids and felt trapped in a bad marriage. It was the last thing on my mind and some days I would have been happy to never have it again! God, it is hard to even remember even feeling that way but I know I did.

That is definitely not a problem anymore. In fact, I have the exact opposite problem. When I met Sir over five years ago, for the first time ever, I began to notice that I started craving  sex. From the beginning, he was very passionate and forceful. It was different than anything I had ever experienced. I found myself aroused by the finger prints on my arms and between my thighs and this became synonymous with what I wanted from sex although I wasn't necessarily conscious of it as the time. This is when I think my predisposition to being submissive first started to become hard wired in my brain and not just a fascination experience purely as a spectator. I was hooked. Never could I have dreamed sex could have been as fulfilling as it was with him. I became 100% orgasmic and no longer needed to completely focus to have an orgasm if I even bothered. He just effortlessly brought them out in me. This went on to some degree of another for the next 3 years. I needed it and I would do anything to find a way to get it.


About 2 years ago, our always undefinable relationship took a turn into something that once I experienced it, I knew I had passed through to something I could never turn back from. He brought out something in me that I had unconsciously suppressed for years and I in him. What's funny, now that I think back, it happened so naturally. Neither of us asked if the other had these tendencies. We somehow just knew and once we started it grew rapidly from there.

Words can't express how fulfilling and wonderful it is. How it has taken me to places I never dreamed existed. I need it. I crave it. It comes to me as naturally as breathing does. But as amazing it is, it has one side effect that is both awesome and agonizing. My sex drive! It is off the charts. In fact, discovering my my submissive tendencies, has turned me into some kind of freak of nature!

From what I can tell, my sex drive is abnormally high now. I even go through phases where I wished I could have sex all day over and over again. I become so aroused I can't focus on anything else for very long. It becomes both mental and physical. My pussy aches and thoughts of sex and domination continuously pop in my head. Once it gets really bad I start thinking about asking Sir permission to cum and need to devise ways to trick myself into putting it off. I don't want to become a bother to him.

I have checked the Internet for answers to why a woman's sex drive would be too high and all I find are ways to increase your sex drive which leaves me to wonder is this uncommon or just not spoken about?

I have heard BDSM referred to "the LSD of sex" or "sexual skydiving".  Many people in this lifestyle tend to have certain traits in common like an adventurous attitude and a high sex drive. Contributing to this, is the unusually strong connection that is formed because we are able to discuss and explore fantasies that most people wouldn't ever dream of bringing up much less actually asking a partner to participate in.  I have felt how the chemistry in my entire body shifts to this euphoric state when he tells me something he would to do to me that would horrify most woman.  I remember one time he told me that he thought about how nice it would be if I came over, sucked his cock, and left without saying a word.  Let me tell you, I was horny for days after that! I couldn't stop fantasizing about it!  A "normal" woman would be indignant at such a resquest but not this horny, submissive bitch!
 
It's been a few years now so I know my patterns and I am used to always feeling horny. Despite, how long I've lived in this state of hyper arousal and fine tuned my coping strategies have become. I can usually only take it gracefully for so long. If it goes past a certain point, I start to get edgy, jumpy and even irritable. This is my problem and I try not to bother Sir with my unreasonable urges, but they have been know to make me quite demanding and have gotten me into trouble more than once! 

It usually starts if it has been awhile since he has fucked me. It's a gradual process and usually builds over days. It reminds me of those suspended buckets at water parks that slowly fill with water until it gets so full and finally tips. Even with Sir's generosity and my love of self stimulation, there is no substitute for him forcefully taking me. I can never get enough of that but part of my submission is being there for HIS needs and waiting patiently until he summons me.

I don't want to sound like I am complaining, Sir takes good care of me and rarely denies me orgasms. He often makes me work for them, which just makes it all the more delicious, but rarely does he outright say no. He is good at sensing my tolerance and I have noticed that many times the moment that I think I can't stand it one more minute, he lets me have that wondrous, magical thing called an orgasm! He is also the most sexually skilled amazing man that I have ever come across. No one ever has come close. I am consistently given 5 or 6 orgasms by him every time he fucks me. Who in their right mind, wouldn't crave that!

Interesting enough, I just got a text from him, saying it has been too long and he must take me soon! It never fails to amaze me how well he knows just how much I can take. I am one lucky girl! 
I have decided not to fight my high sex drive so much anymore. I like that feeling of pleasure and pain and given the choice between an off the charts sex drive and little to none, I'll choose being a crazy horny bitch every time!

Monday, March 10, 2014

Sir and the Fine Art of Seduction

Any good Dominant should know that seduction is best achieved by both psychological and physical means and believe me, Sir has this down to a science! I've never experienced anyone who can do it so well and he never fails to turn me into a ravenous horny bitch by the time he is done. 
 
The end of last week was no exception. It started when we met for dinner Wednesday night. He was as charming as ever and I had a wonderful time. From the first moment I saw him my pussy began throbbing and when he hugged me and I inhaled his scent, I was a hot, dripping mess! Nothing unusual here. He always reduces me to this base creature with purely animal instincts. 

The first restaurant we tried was pretty bad so we decided to go across the street to a place called Talarico's which was much better! Although, I could have been at McDonald's with him and the outcome would have been the same.

We enjoyed good food while we chatted easily about this and that. Afterwards, he walked me to my car. God I wanted him to take me right there in the pouring rain but alas, that wasn't going to happen so he left me to drive off nearly doubled over by my cravings.
 
We made plans to get together Saturday at his house but that didn't change the fact that we were both insanely horny for the rest of the night!  He then continued to keep me riled up over the next couple days in all kinds of devious ways:

- Had me sleep naked. This always keeps me aware of my abnormal sex drive and its so hard not to touch!

- He texted me mid morning on Thursday telling me he was horny and to go put my kegal balls in. He knows how crazy it makes me to know he is horny and I can't do anything about it. I can think if nothing but how to satisfy him. Between that and wearing the balls for a good part of the day, it's a miracle I got anything done! 
 
- He had me send him pics of two outfits from from which he could choose what I would wear and then told to me wear nothing underneath. I love how the cold air hits my pussy when I wear a skirt with no panties and my nipple seem to stay on high alert without a bra to hide them!

- Friday, he gave me the seemingly impossible task of finding a woman in real life and convincing her that she should join us. Really? Was he serious? He said he didn't expect a stranger to actually say yes but he wanted me to at least put forth the effort. I was a nervous wreck but after going to 6 different places trying to find a woman out alone and out of sheer desperation, I finally just did it. It was completely humiliating and of course she looked at me like I was insane! She said no but it felt good to fight my fear and more importantly to do it  for Sir. 

So, as you can imagine by the time  Saturday came around, I was so distracted that I could barely complete even the most basic actions! He texted me that he was going to be in the shower and to come in, take off all my clothes and stand in the middle of the room which of course I eagerly did :)

When he came out of the shower, he blindfolded me with these blacked out goggles he made and went on to allow me six orgasms while inflicting the perfect blend of pain and pleasure :)

Seduction complete!


Monday, March 3, 2014

Fighting the Green-eyed Monster

Jealousy. It's got to be one of the most exasperating, soul wrenching emotions out there. I should qualify that by saying I'm talking about irrational jealousy. It is a common killer to both one’s self worth and relationship. If not kept under control it becomes an evil demon slowly poisoning everything in sight and before you know it, it finally destroys the one thing you feared it would in the first place.
 
Before I talk any further about jealousy and what you can do to handle it, I want to say how important it is to be sure that your Dominant actually cares about your well-being and is not just some selfish asshole that wants to use and dispose of you without a second thought to your feelings.
 
I know that Sir cares about me and while he likes to make me suffer, he never would cause me serious emotional harm. He has told me many times that there is no one else like me and how lucky he feels to have me in his life. He shows me by both his words and actions that he appreciates and values what we have together and I truly believe that he does. I love how he makes sure I know that I am special to him and that he frequently tells me that I am beautiful, smart and exceptionally sexual. If I wasn't secure in how he thinks of me, I could have never have come as far into submission as I have.
 
That being said, I am not immune to jealousy and it has caused both Sir and I a lot of strife recently. I realized I needed to seriously analyze what was causing this and get it under control before it ruined everything that Sir and I have worked so hard to achieve.
 
I don't have low self-esteem or am an especially insecure person. I don't think badly of myself or walk around thinking I am inferior to other people so I had to wonder, why the horrible bouts of jealousy lately? After thinking about it, I realized that my reactions are being fueled primarily by the fear of loss. Common reactions to jealousy are fear, sadness, insecurity, anxiety. Even hatred and desire can be triggered by it. I've thought a lot about this and while all those emotions are how jealously manifests itself, what it really comes down to is the fear of loss. The worry that someone or something will be taken away from you. It is the belief that our partner’s finding pleasure elsewhere reflects a loss of interest in us. There are two main components to this fear. One is that someone else is going to be so much more useful to him that he will realize he doesn't need or want you in his life anymore. (Ouch, that would be painful!) The other part is the competitive part of human nature. Wanting to be better than anyone else. Rational or not, the thought of someone reaching higher levels of submission than me makes me literally crazy!
 
So, what is one to do? You can do nothing but that is rarely a good idea. I’ve put together a list of things that will help me keep the path to submission a clear one.
 
Understand that feeling jealous is a normal emotion. It's how you deal with it, that is important. you should start by saying to yourself, “I know that I am feeling jealous, but I don’t have to act on it.” Recognize that jealous thoughts are not always the same thing as REALITY. You may think that your partner would rather have someone else, but that doesn’t mean that he really does. Thinking and reality are often different. You may also think that because you are feeling jealous or related anxiety, that it is a “sign” that there is a real problem. This is called “emotional reasoning" and let me tell you it is more often than not, a dangerous way to make decisions.
 
Figure out why you are jealous. As I said above, take the time to really understand yourself. Are you being needlessly insecure or is there something that is a real and serious threat? Learn to know the difference.
 
Accept that you can have an emotion and allow it to be. You don’t have to “get rid of the feeling”. I've tried to do this and it just made it worse. Studies have shown that  that mindfully standing back and observing that a feeling is there can often lead to the feeling weakening on all on its own.
 
Accept that uncertainty is part of life. Many of us want to know that without a doubt our partner won't leave us but absolutely nothing is certain in life and the sooner we learn how to accept that, the more at peace we will be. Uncertainty is one of those glaring realities that we can’t really do anything about. You can never know for sure that your partner won’t lose interest and leave you. But if you accuse, demand and punish, you very well might create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Live in the moment. Enjoy what you have now. Worrying about what may be down the road is going to do nothing but take away from the pleasure of today.
 
 Know your triggers. For me is hearing him say the other person he is with is sexier, smarter, tougher, or basically better in some way than I am. I really have a hard time dealing with that. While logically I know my ego talking and it this kind of thinking is hindering my submission, I still can't quite squelch those thoughts. While I can’t prevent things from triggering me, I can have the awareness to know exactly what and why is making me feel jealous.
 
Ask for reassurance. Its ok to say "I know you are going out with "X" tonight". I am scared you will like her better and have no use for me anymore." Sir is fine with me talking about my feelings (though I don’t think I would ever talk excessively about it) but what he is not ok with is lashing out in anger, disrespect and pettiness. He wants me to feel free to discuss anything I wish as long as I do so in a calm, rational manner. If someone does not allow you to express concern, it is a huge red flag and you may want to re-examine what you are doing with that person.
 
It took me a while, but I finally understand that if I ask him something, I better be prepared to deal with his response. This is not always easy and is the point where I've gotten myself into a lot of trouble in the past. Sir is generous enough to answer all my questions and while he doesn't sugar coat his responses, he will usually tell me something he admires about me. I chose to focus on that.
 
For example, recently while he was patiently answering all my questions about a recent encounter, he said to me "She is no you". Those 4 little words transformed my attitude, gave me reassurance of my worth in his eyes and actually strengthened my desire to whole heartedly hope for his pleasure. It was an amazing transformation really.
 
On a side note, it is not Sir's responsibility to coddle me and worry about my reactions. Like so many other things he innately knows how to do, he manages to strike a perfect balance letting me both struggle and grow securely in my submission. I don’t want to ruin that dynamic by demanding constant reassurance.
 
 Find someone to talk to who will understand what you are going through. While its nice to be open with your Dominant about you feelings, don't go overboard. It's annoying for them to have to constantly reassure you and they may even grow resentful of you.  Letting things fester alone in your head with no one to help you put them in check rarely ends well either. Instead, find another submissive or poly amorous friend either online or in real life, who has gone through this and can lend the emotional support you need. Finding a friend to talk to will keep the burden off the other person. Remember, this is your issue, not theirs. If they care about you and you trust them, you should be able to talk yourself through these feelings without becoming a bore.
 
Ask for details, pictures, maybe even meet them in person. Fear of the unknown often spurs jealousy. It definitely does for me. The more I know, the I feel better I feel. It makes me feel more important and like we have a special bond where he is free to share anything with me. Now, this isn't for everyone. Some people would rather not know and that is fine. Not me. While at times it can be very difficult to hear, I feel much closer to Sir when he trusts me enough to share such things that he knows may potentially set me off. Hearing his experiences also makes it just a little bit easier the next time we encounter this situation. My hope is that with enough practice, I can truly sedate the green eyed monster.
 
Remind yourself of all the good things he likes about you. I truly believe Sir is sincere when he tells me all the sweet and wonderful things that he thinks about me. I honestly have no doubt that he means each and every word so why should I let him finding pleasure elsewhere take away from what having me in his life means to him? Understanding this just came to me recently and I’ve started to use it when I feel myself start to spiral into that dark place. A dominant chooses to have you in his life for a reason and you should be determined to embrace that and excel at that role.

Don't forget the upside of jealousy. Believe it or not,  jealousy can be exciting and invoke incredible passion! Some of my horniest times were when I really felt my jealousy without being insecure. It's not always easy to do but when I get there, the heights if ecstasy are amazing.