Happy Thanksgiving

Every year we see emails, cards, commercials, billboards around this time reminding us to be thankful. Its easy to say, but it isn't always so easy to do. I know that it has been a challenging year for many of us as we have been a part of so many changes. For some of us, these changes involved moving on to new jobs, new housing, new relationships and new stages of life. There were goodbyes and endings just as there were hellos and beginnings. There was extreme elation and great depths of despair. 

I’m sure I’m not the only one who simultaneously felt sad as I had to say farewell to things which had been such an integral part of my life and yet also excited and optimistic about future opportunities.

I can say this, however. I am indeed thankful for so many things and even all of the people whose paths crossed with mine regardless if ours was a positive or negative interaction.The last year for me has been full of change, successes, failures, laughs, and tears. I’m thankful for them all. I’m thankful for the time with my family, the new experiences, my d/s relationship with Sir, the opportunities to grow, the jokes (sometimes at my expense), the friendships, and most of all I’m thankful for all of the memories. 

Our lives will continue to be full of change, some good and some bad, but we can always be thankful for the experiences along the way. Each one is a mile marker along the road of life. After all, those experiences are what makes us who we are and have brought us to this very moment.  

So this week while you gather around friends and family to share a meal and the things you are thankful for, remember all of those little moments. On their own they may seem like insignificant parts of everyday life, but they are the threads that make up the tapestries of our lives. Be thankful for every precious moment, be it small or significant. When I’m thinking about those things I’m thankful for this Thursday, all of these will be among them.

A very Happy Thanksgiving to all of you, my friends.

Dinner, sex and great company

The title says it all! Those are all the elements needed for a great night which is exactly what I had!

I finally got some much needed time with Sir. I invited him over for dinner which we enjoyed with a picture perfect view of Seattle, arguably one of the most beautiful cities in the world. 

He is still having a difficult time in some very important parts of his life and seems tired and worn out. I understand that everyone has hardships and rough terrain they must trudge though but it just makes me sad to see such a great human being, one that I care a great deal about, suffering. The only thing I can do  is just be there if he needs to talk and not put demands on him or add drama. He knows I would do anything for him but not unlike myself, he needs to muddle through in his own way and in his own time.

Despite the effects of the ongoing struggles in his mood, we had a great time. Even when is sad, depressed or just blah, he is still awesome company. He was as funny and charming as ever in that way that only he can be. As for the sex? That sex, that i never dreamed could be so great?  Well, I am happy to report that as always, it was legendary and left me euphoric and one satisfied bitch!

I am so glad we got to catch up and I absolutely love to serve him. I admit, I felt a little tense at first but that soon disappeared and we fell right back into our usual awesome dynamic. 

I hope I brought him a little sunshine even if just for a little while. He deserves that and so much more.

A Horny Blogaversary!

This month is a blogaversery of sorts. I started this blog in May 2012 but only wrote sporadically for the first year and a half. 

November 7th, 2013 was the start of my required weekly blogpost and I've written 54 posts since! It's interesting to look back at the many adventures and struggles I've had over the last year. I conquered a lot of fears and difficult situations. Yes, I've also had my share of failures and setbacks and it was very difficult at times but I never gave up.

I'm grateful Sir enforces this writing rule. There have been so many times that writing helped me process my emotions  and I came out stronger and wiser because of it.  I'm proud of my progress and often don't give myself enough credit but I must say,  I am one damn tough and resilient bitch! I don't know many people who could take on all the deeply ingrained programming and work through the growing pains. I have Sir to thank for helping me get this far and look forward to seeing what else we can conquer together.

I've been super horny lately! It started with that huge gorgeous moon we had last Friday. Something about a full moon really turns me on. I've always loved when the moon was full anyway but now that I have this terribly high sex drive, it has taken on a whole new meaning. 

I often thought it was a metaphor for bringing lightness into the dark which is maybe why it makes me feel so good. Who knows? All I know is that it makes me one horny bitch!

Sir did allow me one orgasm this evening which I am so grateful for. I did try to get another but no such luck...

Fortunately, we have plans to get together soon. That's the only real cure for what ails me. I would taking fucking him once over 100 orgasms by myself!

What can I say? He is just too damn talented ;)

Perserverance

Things have been difficult lately. Dark, damp and moody much like fall in Seattle. This has been mostly true for Sir but for more so than usual for me as well. I've been on this earth long enough to know how life's positive and negative energy ebb and flow. Most of the time I can ride out the difficult times but other times... Well, not so much.

This morning I remembered that I had a post due. I felt a bit overwhelmed. I didn't have anything to say and it seemed a daunting task. I thought about just writing a generic article about some bdsm topic but my heart wasn't in it. I let this thought settle. It didn't settle well.

On a whim, I decided to ask if I could skip writing a blog post today. I wasn't going to skip all together. I just wanted an extension in hopes I would be inspired soon. 

As soon as I pressed "send" I regretted it. This was a horrible, terrible, tragic idea! This was a lethal dose of poison to something very important to me and something Sir and I have spent years trying to cultivate. If I missed writing this today, soon I would miss something else, then something else and before I knew it, I would be completely rewired to submit only when it was easy or convenient which as anyone knows, isn't submission at all.

This thought shook me. Hard. I NEVER stop just because something is difficult. At least when it comes to this. If I didn't write a post today, I might as well just hang up my nipple clamps and join team vanilla. Resign myself to a life of bland sex and wishy-washy roles. A life where in time I would most likely go mad because of the lack of boundaries and general malaise. I shudder to even consider it. 

I really started to panic when he simply wrote back "Skip tonight". 

No! That is not the answer! Patience and perseverance is the only answer. This was my mini battle to fight and my mama didn't raise no pussy. If I have a task due, nothing, especially self pity, should ever stop me from getting it done.

Fortunately, he finally told me this behavior just makes everything worse and turns him off. Now, as he himself said, that may sound harsh but it stopped me dead in my tracks and I could feel my attitude change almost immediately. Harsh or not, I respond best to someone directly stating the consequences of my behavior. If I don't like those consequences, I change my behavior. End of story. It's what I need. 

Of course, I am only human and I need compassion and empathy as much a the next person but not in this situation. I need to know that I have gone too far. I am grateful he still feels free to be that way with me. 

After, the adjustment in my thinking, It started to dawn on me that perhaps my submission was not stagnate after all. In fact, maybe it was being tested more than it ever had been before. That whether or not I could handle distance and inevitable periods of difficulty in itself was a test of my devotion. I had been looking at it all wrong. 

My challenge right now is not to see if I can take X amount of pain, grapple with compersion or see how horny I can get before I explode but to patiently and respectively lay low. To offer quiet assurance that he is safe to deal with what he needs to and process the difficult emotions he is feeling without any extra stress from me.

This has been a tough learning experience but I think I finally get it. My resolve has been renewed. I'm not saying it will be easy and that I won't ever struggle but I can now clearly see the bigger picture instead of getting hung up on one moment in a long journey. 

I'm going to work hard on this. He deserves the best I can give and I hope he never accepts anything less from me or anyone else.

 

Edging and Orgasm control is beautiful

Sir has been in control of my orgasms for over 2 1/2 years now. It is impressive how well trained I am at this finely tuned skill. Not that it is always easy. There have been many times I have had to really concentrate and needed to stop suddenly while he is fucking me. This phenomenon is called edging. It is a form of orgasm control sometimes practiced just during a BDSM scene while other times it is used in a long term relationship where the orgasms are controlled 24/7. 

The submissive is brought just to the verge of having an orgasm, only to have the stimulation withdrawn and the potential orgasm delayed/denied.  Usually, this cycle of excitement and denial is repeated until the scene is concluded.  The way most people play this particular game, it’s that it is the dominant’s prerogative to determine when (or if) the submissive is allowed to orgasm.

Orgasm control is a broader term, it includes edging, tease and denial, as orgasm on demand.  It’s ultimate expression is when a submissive has been trained to orgasm on command, either with a single word (Sir most often will simply say "cum"). I've also heard of other Dom's using a hand signal as the trigger to let go and orgasm.

Edging and orgasm control are an important part of the D/S dynamic between Sir and I.  He absolutely controls all of my orgasms.  It’s been an amazing two plus years that I have required his explicit permission to  cum.  I expect, that as long as we are together, it will remain that way.  And, why wouldn't it?  It’s a very fulfilling “game@ for us to play together and has become synonymous with submission in my mind.

A lot of dominants choose orgasm control as a way of expressing their dominance, their mastery over their submissive.  I suppose that psychology does exist as a part of the dynamic between Sir and myself but I also think it is because he inspires me to want to submit to him. The compulsion to obey him is so strong that I often wonder if I can break it. I'm not sure about that and to be honest, I really have no desire to find out.

It is only upon meeting Sir that I learned I was multi-orgasmic. I would have never suspected that! Because of his training and power to inspire, I am capable of cumming again and again and again.  Often so many times that  lose count. Yes it could be said that I am one spoiled, orgasmic bitch :). 

So why would man deny a woman like me this beautiful, magical, pleasure? In this state of orgasmic bliss, I feel beautiful, I serve Sir well, and am an incredibly sexual being, So,why wouldn't he let me cum and cum and cum? Why would he want to deny me pleasure?

I guess the simple answer to that is:

Because he can.

He has that power, and he enjoys using it.  Sometimes he will tell me that he is going to use me like a whore and that it’s not about my pleasure, it’s about his. My training is so deep that I am now actually turned on by this thought. Someday, he may not allow even one orgasm when he fucks me and while that thought terrifies me, it also makes me feel submissive and turned on. 

I think I will feel a overwhelming sense of pride from that day. 

An awesome evening serving him

Life has been particularly time consuming and difficult lately especially for Sir. He has had a lot of stress and emotionally taxing situations going on. Because of the strength of my submission to him and the importance of his needs and well being to me, this makes me very sad. My brain is so wired to wanting his pleasure that when he is feeling bad, it is upsetting. Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do to help directly with his current issues but I can help by being a well behaved, low maintenance little bitch and that is exactly what I intend to do!

I invited him for dinner last night. I absolutely LOVE to serve him! It is so rewarding for me and it brings me so much pleasure to please him. We had such a nice time. It was hot, passionate, fun, relaxing, amusing, cathartic and many other epic emotions. It felt so good to reconnect. When I first let him at the door, I swear I felt my pussy just explode in delight! His smell seemed more intoxicating than ever. It never fails to make me swoon. I don't think I've ever "swooned" like that over anyone before but it's the one reoccurring word that comes to mind when I think about the effect of his natural scent. It's evokes this primal and animalistic reaction in me.

When we got upstairs, I continued    preparing dinner but that lasted all of 2 minutes before he summoned me over to him. It you had connected me to a voltage meter, I'm sure I would have blown the thing up! I was so fucking turned on!

I started to say how it had been so long and for this reason, he should give me a bunch of orgasms. As soon as it was out of my mouth, I realized that being demanding probably wasn't the right thing to do. He wan't happy about my presumptuous attitude and went on to tell me exactly how it was going to be. I quickly changed my mindset back to that of focusing on his pleasure. Only then did I truly feel at peace and back in the place where both he and I desire me to be.

I continue to be fascinated by this deep need to submit to him and only him. When he is in control and uses me exactly how he wants to, I feel a high like none I've ever known. Intellectually, this is very odd to me but it is who I am and what I desperately need. It is also interesting that as much as submission has become part of me, the thought of anyone else trying to dominate me is laughable at best and downright creepy at worst. It's a role that can be filled by only him. Something I accept but am also terrified by. To know he has that power of me is frightening yet magical. Life would have less meaning without it.

He was rough and dominating and fucked me hard. He told me exactly what was expected of me. I told him I understand and would be the obedient submissive bitch he needs. It felt so good and I loved how he was so tough on me. It was exactly what we both needed.  Despite my little slip in desperation earlier, he gave me many orgasms but only after warning me that I was never to demand or even suggest that he owes me orgasms or anything else for that matter. If I did, he would fuck me without letting me cum. Something that not once in six years has ever happened. I got the message loud and clear and trust me, that is a record I definitely don't want to break!

Afterwards, we both feel asleep for probably 5 or 10 minutes which doesn't happen all that often. At that moment, every fiber of my being was satisfied.

When we finally got up, dinner had cooled down but fortunately it was still salvageable. We went on to have great conversation during dinner. I love when he shares his unique perspective on things. He is funny, direct, charismatic and has this quirky, dominant personality that I find so appealing. He is who he is and makes no apologies about it. I do very well with his personality type and find it far more interesting than phony or passive types. I may not always like what he says but I almost always understand it. We work very well together and he is good for me. Not always easy, but definitely good :)

Such a Horny Bitch

I have been terribly horny lately. Since I met Sir over 6 years ago, my sex drive  has been higher than average but in the last week it has risen to dangerous levels.

It's always starts out physical. A gnawing tightness in the muscles of my pussy causing me to flex my kegel muscles. Most times I don't even realize I am clenching but the moment I do, that's when the tingling starts, which in turn fires up my vivid imagination. 

 

This has been happening all day, everyday. It doesn't matter where I am or what I am doing, I'm aroused.  

As if that wasn't intense enough, it literally explodes when I hear or see something sexual! At this point, I start to get antsy, uncomfortable and feel the need to move. I'm pretty sure this isn't normal but its become absolutely normal for me.

 

I have a few theories as to why I'm hornier than usual although I am not 100% sure. My life is finally back to a calmer, more stable state after months of upheaval. Maybe because I have less stress and distractions, my body wants to take advantage of this and take on more. 

 

My second theory is that I'm so horny because I haven't been able to fuck Sir in 3 weeks! That's an eternity to my pussy! It's no wonder I'm half crazy :)

Unfortunately, life circumstances have been making this near impossible for both of us. I really hope that changes soon!

He has been so patient with my multiple requests for orgasms as well as being very generous about giving me permission. I have been asking a lot  more than I usually do although I feel that it is only a fraction of what I want to ask for. Such a horny bitch.

 

Despite how crazy it makes me to be this horny all the time, I must say I get so much satisfaction knowing that this is under his control. I love that he finds pleasure in my suffering. Although, when he tells me how much it pleases him to know my cravings are so strong, it just makes me hornier!

 

I don't mean to make it seem like I'm complaining, ungrateful or that it is even wholly a bad thing. It definitely has some benefits. Suffering and sacrifice are an important element of my submission. I feel such a sense of peace when he has me wait and trusting he knows exactly what is best for me. It makes me feel incredibly content and submissive.

Hopefully, our dry spell is over soon and I don't drive him crazy in the mean time with all my orgasm requests. 

Until then, I will wait submissively in this state of elevated arousal knowing that in good time, I'll once again know that amazing experience that words can't describe and is second to no other. 

Thank you Sir for being so patient and generous with your submissive bitch. I trust in you completely and will wait patiently to please you.