I have been recently afflicted with a writer's block of sorts. In fact, when it comes to my blog, for the last two weeks I have had trouble thinking of even one thing substantial enough to write about. That has never happened before and as you can imagine, it is causing me quite a bit of anxiety.
During the last 3-4 months I have had a lot of upheaval and change in my non submissive life. I know this had me off my game somewhat a couple months ago but I don't think it stifled my creativity at all. Things have largely calmed down since then so I'm perplexed to why I am having this problem now when I have actually have much more mental space for my submission.
I thought that maybe it was the lingering guilt and disappointment about my failures this summer. I know that has effected Sir's confidence in my ability which if you are a submissive, you know it is one of the worst things that can happen.
I have done what I can to make amends but I still occasionally feel its effects and it makes me feel lost sometimes. I know I can't change the past and all I can do is put in safeguards to make sure it doesn't happen again, something I have worked very hard to do. I have prepared myself mentally over and over to respond the appropriate way. I have done research have come to understand that feelings and frustrations are fleeting but the negative effects of losing my composure and overacting last forever.....
Things have pretty much returned to normal except that I haven't been punished yet and I have noticed that he has stopped telling me things that could possibly upset me. Things that I could be learning to conquer and embrace. Things that would deepen my submission. Who can blame him? I definitely don't! Why would he risk having to deal with me freaking out? He hates that kind of drama and so do I. It is time consuming, draining and destructive. Yes, it is 100% my fault that this part of my training has faltered and I know I must wait for him to feel comfortable again before I can show him I can will and be successful.
Those are just some possible factors that crossed my mind but I'm really not sure what the reason is. It could very well be none of those things. Honestly, I don't spend a lot of time focusing on my past mistakes anymore. Sir told me not to worry about it and I have obeyed this command as I have all the others. Plus I truly believe I will have it under control in the future. I am just patiently waiting for the opportunity to prove it.
So, whatever the reason, the fact remains that I am having trouble writing.
In my frustration, I asked Sir for help and as usual he came up with an innovative idea. He said I should ask for help from other kinky people out there. I could post an ad on craigslist asking for topics or fantasies that may inspire me to write. Why didn't I think of that? I guess that is why he is the Dominant!
So I posted the following ad in several sections of Craigslist:
I am a submissive woman on the look out for fantasy and adventure. I have been writing a blog for about two years now and recently have had a bad case writer's block. I am at a total loss about what to write! I usually write about exciting experiences I have had as well as the challenges, struggles and oh so amazing triumphs on my journey as a submissive.
So, far I have received about 20 responses. The majority are from men or couples thinking I am looking for someone to hook up with. I am definitely not looking for that! Well, unless you are a single, bisexual and submissive woman looking for a threesome. I've received a few interesting fantasies that I will definitely be writing about! I am keeping all the emails in a folder (even the overly graphic, creepy ones) and at the end of the week I will choose the one that inspires me most.
This has been such an exciting experience so far! It's interesting to hear ideas and fantasies from other pervs like me. I am definitely feel more in harmony with my submission, not to mention horny!
I am so glad I asked Sir for his help, He always seems to have a good solution :)
UPDATE - Once again Sir knew just what a horny bitch needs! He told me to stop what I am doing and immediately cum 5 times. I was in submissive heaven! I have been a
horny all day wearing an outfit he picked out and reading about one of my favorite subjects, domination and submission.
Yes, this horny bitch needed it and Sir made sure all the submissive thoughts of the day were seared in my brain with those 5 orgasms. I fantasized about about all the ways I wanted to serve his needs along with all the ways he dominates and controls his bitch with such ease and finesse.
It has been such a good day for my submission and I am reminded once again how truly lucky I am to have found someone who gets me like only he does.