My recent struggle with submission and my quest to be a great lover with women.

No one ever said life as a submissive was an easy one. Most of the time submission to Sir comes so naturally to me. I want it. I crave it. I live it. I like to think I'm quite proficient with all things submissive but recently I have had some big hurdles to overcome.

I won't go into the details but recently when Sir and I were spending time with a new friend Angela, I behaved in a very unsubmissive way. In fact, my behavior was downright disrespectful to him. The short story is that there was some miscommunication and instead of talking about it in a calm, rational manner and remembering how Sir has never done anything to cause me genuine harm (only the good kind!), I threw a hissy fit. Not my finest moment.
 
I have never been this disrespectful to him before and while I realized my mistake immediately and came back to my submissive state shortly afterwards, the damage was done. I was absolutely horrified.

I've had a lot of extra stress in my life outside of my submission lately. I am usually pretty good at compartmentalizing things and I don't like anything ruining my precious time with Sir. Lately, it has been a lot harder than usual to separate and leave my worries behind but I didn't think it was noticeable to anyone but me. I was wrong about that. Sir is an observant man and he knew I wasn't as carefree and focused as I usually am.

I won't go into the ugly details of my transgression but it was very bad and I've been in various stages of distress since. It's been almost 2 weeks and things still don't feel quite right. I would do anything to take it back but that isn't going to happen. It is going to take time to build back the faith he lost in me.

Even now, almost two weeks later, I can feel some lingering disappointment hanging over us like a black cloud. I hate it! I want him to see me like he did. I want to once again walk around in my usual spunky, horny and sexually charged state. Happy knowing he is proud of me and my dedication to submission. He said there will be a punishment which will be both emotionally and physically taxing on me. While this brings me some anxiety, I cannot wait to pay for the consequences of my actions. My hope is that it will finally end this dark chapter in our journey.

Sir had been quiet and hadn't asked me to do much of anything since this incident. He said he had never been so disappointed or furious with me before but assured me we were not over. I don't think I have never been so relieved to hear anything in my life! I appreciate him so much that words can't even begin to describe the deep respect and admiration I have for him.

As a true submissive, I love to serve him. There is nothing I have ever refused him so you can imagine how happy I was when he asked me to send photo's of outfits so he could choose one yesterday. I even got to go without panties! This instantly lifted my spirits and I found my happy horny self slowly begin to re-emerge. I knew I hadn't fully redeemed myself but I felt that this was progress. I even found myself actually contemplating asking permission to cum. I had only asked once in almost 2 weeks. I have NEVER gone that long! While my body still got physically aroused and was craving it, as soon as I thought about asking, it just didn't feel right. I didn't deserve orgasms.

Yesterday he texted me that I should work on pleasing the woman more when we are all together. He said I focus on him and don't do much with her. I didn't notice it while we were together but thinking back on it now, he is 100% correct.

My attraction to him is so strong. So strong, that I often have a hard time seeing anything else. It is like having a Kobe steak along with a side dish of Ramon noodles. Of course, I am going to want to devour the steak. Maybe I'll have a couple of bites of the noodles just to say I had some but I really just want to get back to that steak.

He said I need to work on at least appearing to be interested in the woman. It's not that I don't like them or find them unattractive. In fact, quite the opposite. Both recent woman are sexy, sweet and interesting but still every fiber of my being wants to fuck him! However, I understand what he is saying and while it will take some effort, I will get this down for him. I am so happy to be able to serve and please him again that there is no way I will mess this up.

I started thinking about how to best please a woman and make her feel special and adored. You would think that being a woman I would get it but it's tricky. Women all seem so different. I knew it would  take some specific tailoring depending on who it was but I eagerly set out to find the ultimate way to please a member of the fairer sex.

Here are some of the things I found that will be very helpful to remember.

Make her feel good- One of the best ways to please a woman is to make her feel good in your company. Help her with her problems and learn to comfort her when she is depressed or in a bad mood. The better she feels around you the more pleased she will be. I think I am already good at this but it is good to remember.

Compliment wisely- Another good way too make a woman feel good about herself is to compliment her when you feel she truly deserves it. Women are quick to pick up on fake compliments and would know when you are saying it just to make them feel good, so be sincere. I think I am good at seeing the good in people and already do this as well.

Don't start in the bedroom - Do little things to let her know you are thinking about her. Text sexual innuendos and tell her how sexy she is and all the things you want to do to her when you get together. Sir is an expert at this one. By the time I see him I can orgasm just by looking at him!

Those are excellent things to keep the energy going until you see he next. Now the time comes when you are lying in bed. This where it starts to get hard.

Relax her - It's  hard for women to orgasm or enjoy herself if she is stressed. Start with a massage. Then after she is relaxed keep touching her lightly all over, Her arms, legs, breasts, lips. Trace lightly and don't stop. This will hopefully turn her into putty just waiting to be molded in to pleasure,

Ignore the vagina - at first. Prolonged foreplay actually increases the chances of her cuming? Try kissing, caressing and touching her LONGER, you'll build the sexual tension and often the anticipation will be very powerful.

I learned the is such a thing as too much clitoris. I guess that once you have stimulated the clitoris for some time, a little thing called the clitoral hood will actually come out and cover the clitoris to protect it from further direct stimulation. I had no idea. So once the clitoris is fully stimulated, make sure you go on to pleasure the G-spot next, whether it be with your hand, tongue or a penis.

 

I still don't really understand what is the big deal with this G-spot is but it seems important to stimulate it to get a woman to cum. It kind of feels like the roof of your mouth and is located about 2 inches inside the vagina on the top side. (On the underside of her stomach.) The predominant way to pleasure the G-spot is by doing a "come here" motion with your fingers. I actually just recently learned this from both Angela and A. They both need this done to reach an orgasm. I personally don't like it and find it almost painful but knowing they need this, I now know exactly where to focus my attention.

So these are just some of the basic strategies I will apply the next time Sir and I share a woman. I am going to keep reading and studying until l make pleasing a woman second nature. 

I can't wait to show Sir how far I've come and how seriously I take his wants and desires.

Perception is not Reality

A few days ago, I was talking with a submissive friend about some struggles I have experienced lately, Struggles that seem to come to life only in my own head. Namely, how I have been reacting negatively to things that didn't even happen. Seeing the worst possible scenario instead of the best or even neutral. Putting undue strain on my relationship with Sir and generally making me miserable, What was her answer to this? She said not to be too hard on myself because after all,  "Perception is Reality" and that should justify my bad behavior..

I think that is bullshit, I think it is nothing but an excuse for bad behavior.

Perception is NOT Reality and faulty Perceptions Create a World of Lies.

This overused phrase, "Perception is reality" is a blatant lie. The way we see ourselves, our bodies, situations, and the world around us is skewed by our own biases and insecurities. The way we view life is simply not real. It doesn't accurately reflect what is. Instead, it is past experiences, personal insecurities, and previously formed opinions and beliefs that heavily impact how we see the world while altering our ability to clearly see what is true. It makes me think of this quote from C.S. Lewis.

“What you see and what you hear depends a great deal on where you are standing. It also depends on what sort of person you are.”

Two different people who hear the same statement or witness one event can easily step away and reflect two completely different views. No two people will perceive something identically which is often the cause for many disagreements.

Our personal perceptions mostly cause us to be more judgmental of ourselves than anyone else. Whether it's about our appearance, our intellect or our strength in submission, we are our worst critics and consequently our own worst enemies as well. 

It would serve us all well to keep in mind what Lewis is saying in his quote. The way we see ourselves and the world is directly effected by where we are in our lives, past experiences, and inborn insecurities or biases. Life would be easier and I am thinking that we would be much happier if we remembered that most of what we believe we see and hear is simply not reality.

I will allow that disagreeing with the concept of "perception is reality" may have some negative results like constantly second guessing ourselves or perhaps even thinking we're going crazy part of the time but it is the truth. None of us are able to absorb anything exactly as it is because our perceptions alter it as soon as it enters our brain. Knowing this can maybe help us to not be so hard on ourselves and others around us.

I don't have any answers to solve all the chaos this creates but it makes me feel better just to be aware that it exists. I am very thankful that Sir is so patient with me and makes it safe for me to fumble and recover but I hate disappointing him. I hope he knows I will never stop striving to be a more evolved submissive and person in general.

An Orgasm Interupted

 I have been lying here in a daze for the last 20 minutes. My submission to Sir has reached yet another new level or maybe it just needed this opportunity to show me just how deep it has become. Either way, it was one of the most amazing things that ever happened with my body.

The day started with Sir choosing my outfit and telling me not to wear panties. The scene was set to star one horny bitch! 

Later that afternoon, we discussed plans and we were both a little frustrated by the circumstances preventing us having alone time. When balancing work, family, friends and other women, our connection may not take priority. It's always there and always important but when time is scarce, we need to work on things that could disappear without out attention. I understand that but wanted to make sure we never lose that. 

He takes concerns I have seriously and talks calmly and respectfully to me about them no matter how ridiculous or trivial they may seem. I can honestly say I always feel better after talking with him. He has a very reassuring manner in times of emotional upheaval and of the many things I appreciate about him, this is one of the biggest. 

When he understands me in that way that only he can, my submission grows and I get hornier. So, that evening, it's safe to say, my pussy was clenched and aching!

We didn't get too far in figuring out how we were going to fit in alone time. Both of us had pressing things to deal with throughout the weekend and Sunday we were going to spend some time with A who definitely needed some TLC.  

When I got finally got home about 8:30, my pussy was tight, wet and aching. I could not stop thinking about him controlling me. His strong grip, his firm, commanding voice turning me into putty in his hands and most of all, his huge 8 inch cock ramming me and bringing more orgasms than I can count.

Finally, when I couldn't take much more, I texted him saying I was frustrated and of I could please have permission to cum. 

He wanted to know if so was frustrated with him which I was not. I was frustrated with the roadblocks postponing this  deeply ingrained need to serve him. That along with my brain and pussy pressuring me for a release, I was in a bad way.

He said I may have 5 orgasms in the next 30 minutes. Pleasure flooded my body instantly and I set the alarm for 30 minutes in the future. 

The first one came instantly almost spontaneously. I could feel the oxytocin flood my body and I sense of peace came over me.  I started thinking about focusing on threesome when a text I received a text from A. She seemed to think just she and Sir were going to meet on Sunday and that she hoped her and I get together soon. I was confused and a little thrown off and we texted back and forth a few times. 

I looked at the clock and saw that I just wasted over 10 minutes of my orgasm time. I asked myself what the fuck was I doing wasting this very generous opportunity from Sir and immediately got my head back in submission mode.

I had my second one and then brought out the porn. I know exactly what to watch to make me cum quickly. It did not disappoint and I soon had two more.

As I lay there looking for a new clip, I glanced at the clock. 3 minutes left! I started to panic and clicked on a spanking tube video with a cute young blonde girl who broke a rule and was going to be punished with several implements. I forwarded through talking and several other scenes looking for the good stuff. Finally, I got to the part where she was over his knee and between blows on her cute red ass and her cries, he rubbed her wet pussy while she moaned. That did it! I could feel the orgasm rise and a split second later, the alarm went off.

Immediately, it just stopped. It didn't slow down. It stopped completely. My pussy was completely relaxed. Not a trace of the intense spasm that was taking of just a millisecond before.

I sat up. I couldn't  comprehend what just happened. How could an orgasm just disappear once it started? I would like to take credit for stopping it because I am so obedient to Sir but I can't. It happened so quickly that I didn't even have time to makes that choice. 

I know my submission is deep but I had no idea it was this deeply ingrained. It's so amazing what the mind and body can do when you are dedicated to a goal and preserve even when things get difficult.

New friends

Sir and I had an eventful week with two different lady friends. As I mentioned last time, we had a lovely lunch with A last week. We decided to plan a more intimate gathering which is exactly what we did this past Sunday.

 

Sir wanted her to get there first so her and I could get more comfortable with each other before he arrived. He encouraged foreplay. We were both a little nervous but soon decided we would answer the door naked and then proceeded to strip down to our panties. As you can imagine, Sir was quite pleased.

 

The encounter went surprisingly  smooth and I don't think anyone felt left out. I know it was the first time I didn't feel left out, upset or jealous in a threesome situation. I was more worried about the other woman's pleasure for a change. I think this was key to controlling any negative feelings I may have  otherwise had. She was soft and sweet and it was interesting to touch her and feel the feminine energy she radiated.

While I appreciated her femininity, I am largely, although not entirely, straight. My sexual energy was largely pulled to Sir. I found that the  biggest difference when I have someone else there is that I am in control of myself 90% of the time instead of being 100% under Sirs control. It just confirmed once again that sex is do much better when left under his command.

I hope it doesn't sound like I didn't enjoy myself though because I definitely did! I had four orgasms. Who would like that? He had given me permission to have as many as I wanted but I found myself so distracted by focusing on her pleasure that I didn't take full advantage. That isn't a complaint just an observation. It was a beautiful, erotic, exciting experience. Just different from what I am used to. 

I was excited to learn had A has a submissive streak and I hope to build on that. I want to see what it is like once we are all more comfortable. I suspect it, like with Sir, it will only get better :)

I did have one concern though. I began worry that I would lose my one on one time with Sir. That is where my submission is reinforced and grows the most. The thought of stifling that process makes me incredibly sad. I brought it up to Sir before I let myself get too upset about something that hadn't even happened and he quickly reassured me that would I need not worry. As usual, he helped calm my fears immediately. He is so good that way.

The other woman we met us Angela. I've met with her 3 times and Sir and I met together with her twice. She is a really nice woman and we all three seem to get along  exceptionally well. We are planning to see each again next week. Hopefully it makes for a hot blog post!

So as you can see, our journey has taken us to yet more new and exciting places places this week. I am not sure where it will go next but I know if it involves Sir and I together it's going to be interesting!

Sharing a woman

On Saturday, Sir and I will once again share a woman. I am excited, apprehensive, turned on and many other emotions. Many I can't even identify.

She, I'll call her A, answered an ad I put on Craigslist. She is cute, sweet, naive and very young. About as young as you can legally get. She likes a lot of communication which isn't always the case in these situations. She is attentive and amazingly mature for someone so young.

We met her for lunch last Sunday and I found myself attracted to her. I thought about how it would feel to touch her soft skin and large round breasts. I even went as far as thinking that it may actually be nice to taste her sweet pussy. That I might not just tolerate it but actually enjoy it.

While there are many things I am looking forward to experiencing, like feeling the curves and softness of a women, I do worry about some things. Mostly logistical things. How do condoms work? Sir and I don't use them but he does elsewhere. What happens when he goes back and forth? Or does he just do one then the other?

When Sir and I are together, we are completely focused on each other. I just feel I don't think. I am just a vessel for his desires. All  hear are his words. How am I ever going to focus on someone else? This concerns me. My main concern is are his needs. His pleasure gives me pleasure. My second concern is A's pleasure. She has had some bad experiences with threesome's and it is important to me that she has a good experience.

Another thought  that has crossed my mind is what am I supposed to do when he is fucking her? This is the hardest part. Not so much because of the jealousy but the awkwardness of having nothing to do. I hate that. It breaks my spell and makes me focus on reality.

These are just some of the thoughts in my head. Despite a few minor concerns, I am ready for this! I want to open up and truly experience the beauty of all those contrasts between the male and female forms. I want to feel the satisfaction of sharing this intimate moment with Sir and to beam with pride at knowing that together we found yet another fulfilling experience on our unique and special journey.