Something has been nagging at me lately. Not horribly but just enough to make me feel like I'm lacking somehow. I feel like I've been selfish when I am having sex with Sir. I get so overcome by desire, including consciously trying not to cum until he tells me I am allowed to, that I lose focus of him. I don't realize it at the time because I am caught up in this tornado of sensations but later, after it's over and I am alone, I think about all the little things I should have been doing for him. Someone of his ability and sexual aura deserves to be worshiped and doted on to the exclusion of all else, especially my own selfish needs.
I am at a loss on what to do about this? How can I remember to step out of this magical, surreal experience long enough to worship him as he deserves? During this time, nothing else in the world exists. I can only feel indescribable pleasure and obey his every command. I seriously can't think unless he tells to. While this sounds like ecstasy and trust me it is, afterwards I just don't feel like I have tended to Sir as I should have.
I admit I am weak and turn into one orgasmic mess when I am near him. I have known him for almost 6 years and we have always had this amazing sexual connection but since starting our D/S journey, he has brought me to heights that I could never have imagined. I have even been brought me to tears by how good it feels to fuck him. My theory on this is that when he released my orgasm, a surge of emotion and tears was released with it. For someone who usually keeps her emotions in check, this was frightening in a shocking, life altering way. It was a cathartic experience like none I've ever experienced.
I don't know if this is even an issue. It's just something I've been thinking about. He has never complained and I don't think he is suffering horribly or anything, but my ongoing goal is to always find ways to be a better a submissive for him. Complacency will never be acceptable to me which is why I will always reevaluate things to be sure I continue to provide excellent service.
I am seeing him tomorrow and I will discuss this with him. We will see if he thinks I need some fine tuning in this area and if so, how we can pull me out of his magical sexual trance long enough to duly worship him.