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Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Types of Submissive Training

I was recently talking with a friend about what kind of training is involved in a D/S relationship. It made me realize once again how lucky I am that I have journeyed into submission under Sir and how he seems to intuitively knows the right way to do things. He has trained me in many ways and I always give everything I have when learning to submit to his expectations. Here are just a few kinds of training out there.

- Physical training encompasses all areas requiring movements, positions and postures excluding for our purposes here, things sexual or pertaining to the acquisition of physical skills. Makes me think of planks! But that's a story for another time. There are differences among dominants as to what physical training is desirable and important in the development of a submissive. I always say that Sir does not need handcuff's or rope for me because I follow his order to stay in a certain position simply because he told me too.

 - At its most basic, verbal training includes how the submissive addresses his or her dominant. It has been my experience that dominants have preferences about how a submissive is permitted to address them and you may be confident that this information will be provided to you. I call mine Sir. It seems awkward at first but now it is second nature. This would also include not talking back, being bratty or disrespectful.

 - Training focused on the mental realm involves things like memorization, keeping a journal, improving concentration skills, acquiring new knowledge, improving problem solving skills and learning to bend the will more effectively to that of the dominant through development of greater determination to please and persistence to pursue tasks and assignments. One thing that I do in this category is write in my blog once a week which is actually what I am doing now. I'm sure I would not do this every week if it wasn't one of his requirements.

 This is for the purpose of helping a submissive to learn to be more obedient or less willful. This would also include not talking back, being bratty or disrespectful. This is harder that you might think! I never realized that I could be quite argumentative and have learned to curtail this. This should not be confused with never having a voice. Sir allows me to discuss any concerns I may have but ultimately his word is final. I actually rarely have issue with any of his decisions so it isn't very difficult. 

Sexual - This is probably my favorite category and the possibilities are endless! Some common sexual training topics include things like:
  1. Learning to experience increased arousal
  2. Learning to become sexual in new ways
  3. Overcoming sexual blocks (e.g., mental, moral, ethical, shame)
  4. Erotic movement 
  5. Restrictions on masturbation frequenc
  6. Orgasm control/denial
  7. Overcoming body shame. I don't have much of a problem with this but I see it  oftenwith other submissive's.Rituals and Protocols - A ritual may be defined as any formalized action or set of actions, repeated in a specific and structured way. Rituals are processed at the subconscious level, making the practice of rituals a very effective means of shaping a person's beliefs, self-image, thoughts and behavior. Thus, rituals  are a key part of submissive training and a tool often used by dominants.

 Rituals and the psychology behind them:

  • Rituals have a repeatable structure, basically a script. Repeating the same thing regularly helps it become a habit that sinks deep into the self-conscious.
  • Rituals should have a definite purpose, objective or goal. Whether the submissive is aware of it or not, the dominant should be.
  • The most effective rituals have a direct link to specific activities or events.
  • Rituals should be simple, using relatively few words and acts.
  • Rituals should have a definite beginning and end.
  • The number of rituals should be limited. Too many and they become difficult to remember, a burden and limit spontaneity. 
Remember, training is going to vary from situation and preferences to individual personalities. Before starting anything, always make sure all parties are fully aware of all possibilities and Hard and Soft Limits are in place and agreed on.I always feel like I need to say that even though because of the trust and comfort level I have with Sir, limits never cross my mind. Our interactions have just always flowed mutually and naturally but the more I learn, the more I realize this is the exception to the rule and that submissive's need to be careful who they allow to train them.


  1. I love how thoughtful you are about this.

  2. Thank you. It's one of my favorite things to think about :)