I am constantly craving the opportunity to serve Him. I can never get enough. The problem is that life is busy and serving him can’t always happen as often as I would like. This gets me so frustrated and distracted. I try not to complain or make demands on him but sometimes I just have no idea how to deal with it. A few times it has gotten so bad that I thought I might be crazy!
This feeling also creates this discordant state in my head. I mean doesn’t being submissive consist of me serving his needs, not the other way around? Does having my own agenda making me a lesser submissive? I have a hard time knowing where the line is. I know he cares that I am getting what I need and he an innate abililty to know just how far to push me. I guess I just get scared I will push and cross the line and we all know what happens at that point!
It is hard to believe that there was ever a time in my life that I had no interest in sex. Now I can’t get enough! I actually crave it like a drug and when I can’t get it, the withdrawals get increasingly worse until he takes me again. It is during these withdrawals that I usually get myself into trouble. I get irritable and have to fight the urge to demand it from him. It was almost easier when I thought that if I never had sex again, that would be just fine. Despite the fact that it was easier that way, I know I could never go back to that after knowing a passion such as the one Sir inspires.
Even though my struggle is as difficult as ever, I have recently learned to reign in my emotions. Well, at least of the manifestations that my emotions give birth to. I don't ignore them, I just don't let them make me irrational. I don’t whine or complain and I definitely don’t demand things from him. I do let him know in the most respectable manner I can that my need to serve is starting to become overwhelming. He already knows all too well that I always want to serve him and am constantly horny but he is good at sensing that it is worse than usual.
He has been slowly teaching me that I can take more than I think I can and that it is even possible to find pleasure in the waiting. We will see if I can truly master that skill. I have my doubts but then again, there is nothing he has wanted me to learn that I haven't.