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Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Contentment is a matter of where I focus my attention

Life is awesome. So many things to do, people to meet and places to go. The possibilities are endless really.

Unfortunately, it is also busy, mundane, full of responsibilities and aggravations all which can lead to a big giant bag of stress.

I know Sir has had some stress and annoyances lately (unfortunately,some of that was caused by me!) and it got me thinking. Submission is not just about obedience and doing what you are told. It is also about serving and bringing pleasure to the the one to whom you submit. By focusing on his needs without letting one's own insecurities and vanity get in the way. 

I have come across some submissive's who seem to focus an awful lot on their own needs, including myself at times. I've been guilty of focusing on how I'm feeling and what am I getting out of this. Of putting my 
wants, physical  and emotional, above his. Basically having the attitude "What have you done for me lately?"

Wow, is that so not submission or what?  

So, what is the result when I have this self centered focus? Two things. First and most importantly it puts added stress on Sir because he needs worry about things he should not have to. When he has to deal with my doubts and varying degrees of tantrums, I'm pretty sure he isn't getting much pleasure.

The second result is that it can make me feel downright miserable! At best it feels wrong, foreign, kind of like wearing clothes that don't fit and at its worst it is beyond distressing. 

This realization recently hit me like a bolt of lightening but it is really quite simple. When I think about what would please Sir and act on those intentions, I feel good. I have a deep sense of satisfaction. It just feels right. When my attention is on me and my various frivolous demands, I don't feel so good.

Before you think I'm some kind of Zen Goddess, that is always at peace and puts others needs above my own, let me tell you that is not the case. In most areas of my life, I don't have a problem doing what I need to do to get my needs met and even fight hard for what I think, right or wrong, that I deserve. Like many people, I spend a fair amount of time thinking about my needs, wants and desires and what I can do to make myself feel good. I think that is fairly normal.

It's different with Sir though. When I focus on what he wants and what would bring him pleasure, it makes me incredibly happy and content. I feel like I literally beam when he tells me I have pleased him.

While some may take advantage of that, Sir does not. He shows me respect and appreciation in return and feels good when he makes me happy as well. I know not every submissive gets that and I realize how lucky I am to have found him.

This has really started to sink in over the last week or two and I feel like I am rapidly overcoming a very difficult hurdle in submission. I always knew this in theory but never really put it together with the shift in my mood and sense of contentment. When I focus on pleasing him, I feel good when I focus on my vanity and getting what I can, I don't. 

I want to thank him again and I hope he knows how much I appreciate his patience with me. He inspires me to push through the hard stuff and my perseverance is always rewarded by a sense of  accomplishment and pride.

1 comment:

  1. Even when one is not in a D/s relationship, when you concentrate on the happiness of the other person, you find focus and contentment...