New rules

Sir came over tonight and I feel so much better! Before that I was feeling tense, anxious, worried, irritated and I'm not exactly sure what else.

I've never been very open with my feelings. I've always felt that if I was vulnerable and forthcoming with ugly feelings and emotions then I would have to deal with negative consequences. 

I'm still not sure where this came from.

I'm pretty sure it wasn't my childhood although it has been a definite pattern throughout my life. I definitely have some moderate intimacy issues. Maybe someday I'll get around to figuring out why that is.

As always, Sir knew just how to make me feel better. My anxiety started with an accidental bruise on my eye that I didn't tell him about for fear he would stop being rough or think what we do isn't worth the hassle. I only told him because I knew he would see it. He didn't respond and I worried that my worst fear was coming true.

The second reason I was feeling off was because this woman who basically said she didn't know if she wanted to be dominated came back and changed her mind. I don't think wishy washy behavior has any place in submission and it really pisses me off! I guess I was just surprised she was accepted back so quickly and without hesitation. I hate the thought of her thinking she can use him at her whim. I don't feel she deserves Sir at all but I know that is not my decision and he knows what he is doing. I shared my thoughts about it and managed to do so respectfully despite how terrified I was that this would cost me dearly. 

Fortunately, Sir reassured me that I will not be dismissed nor will I be punished for expressing my feelings but only for how I do it. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me  I now understand this and feel so much safer to share with him now.

This exchange did bring up the need for Sir to create some new rules that I need to incorporate into my behavior.

The first rule is that I am not to justify, minimize or otherwise downplay my bad behavior. I never realized how often I do this! I've become much more aware of how often I do this in the last couple months but I have along way to go in changing it. I am going to work very hard on this because it will make me a better submissive and all around better person. More importantly, it wiil please Sir which is always my goal.

The second thing I am to focus on is breaking the unconscious need to defend myself from anticipated pain. I must learn  to accept, embrace and enjoy anything that Sir thinks he should give me. I know the times I managed to do this, it brought me amazing pleasure. I want to find this state consistently as I know know how much pleasure it will bring both Sir and I.

I feel happy and feel even closer to Sir after talking with him. I always do. I am so grateful that I found him to submit to. He is the perfect blend of strict and sweet and I can't imagine feeling this kind of bond or desire to submit to anyone else. Our desires complement each other perfectly and I will continue to strive to be a better submissive to him.

Servicing in Silence

 

Last night, Sir and I fulfilled yet another long time fantasy. I was to come to him, not utter a single word the whole time I am there and then leave as soon as he is done using me. I like to call it “Servicing in Silence” and let me tell you, it was even better in reality than it was in my fantasies! I am getting wet again just writing about it.

 

Sir had rare evening home alone and decided that he would like to be serviced. When I saw his text, my pussy became instantly wet and I mentally began to go through the logistics of making sure I was there to see that his needs were met.

I love to go to him when he is in need of my services. Words cannot accurately describe the incredible pleasure it brings me both physically and mentally to be able to serve him in this way.

 

Shortly after his initial text, I received another telling me to come in wearing my nipple clamps and not to say a fucking word the whole time I was there. My excitement grew. We had talked about this several times before and now it was finally going to become a reality!

 

I got what I had to do taken care of and arrived at his house around 10:30pm. I opened the door and saw him sitting his a chair. My body immediately entered that beautiful state of arousal and submission. I straddled him, trying to suck every ounce of his essence I could. Just as I felt the urge to cum, he told me go upstairs to his bed. I thought to myself, “This no talking thing isn’t so hard and just as hot as I thought it would be.”

 

He came in the room, sat down on the edge of the bed and read the instructions for the new video camera we got to record our adventures. I happily sucked his cock trying very hard to remember all the ways to make deep throating more successful. I was able to get him all the way down briefly but not consistently which is my goal. Ugh! When will I ever conquer this?

 

He told me to lay face down on the bed and I obeyed immediately. He said what a good girl I was to come service him so quickly and as my reward I was allowed to orgasm as many times as I would like. You can only imagine the happy horny bitch I was at that moment! He went on to say that we did have one order of business to take care before we started and I knew immediately what was going to come next.

 

One Sir’s rules is that I am to text him each night before I go to bed telling him which of the things he has given me that I wore that day. The night before I did compose a text with this information but for some reason, it didn’t go through. Well, actually the reason is that I did not push send. It wasn’t until I got a text the next morning asking what happened that I realized my error. 

I know this wouldn’t be much of a concern with anyone else but I DO NOT like messing up his rules, even accidently. I am often surprised by how upset it makes me when I  disappoint him. Submission takes devotion, persistence and in instances like this, precision. This was a careless mistake and I should have checked to see that it sent.

 

I knew this was a punishable offense but that wasn’t what distressed me. What distressed me was that I let him down and to a submissive woman, letting down her Dominant is worse than any physical punishment that can be doled out. He gave me lashes and while it hurt, it was a cleansing hurt and I felt proud to be paying for my misdeed by taking my punishment.

 

As usual, taking a well-deserved punishment made me wet and horny! When he started fucking me, I thought I would explode. I came literally seconds after he entered me. It was amazing and I remember wondering how it was possible to feel this good. In these situations, I don’t have a very good concept of time but I soon orgasmed again and again. Sir asked me questions about learning my lesson and I answered him by shaking my head yes and no being very careful not to speak. I noticed that it became more difficult to be quiet when he fucked me and I realized that Sir and I talk quite a bit during sex. I had never really thought about it before we really do communicate a lot while fucking. While our communication has made our connection even more amazing there was something to be said for this forced silence. It made me feel happy and submissive. I easily communicated everything I needed to with my body. Oh, how  loved this and I was so turned on! This experience was turning out to be everything I imagined it would be and more.

 

I was just about to have yet another orgasm when I felt a sharp, painful blow to my cheek. It nearly took my breath away. He said I was not to say a single word. I didn’t even realize I said anything at all which made it all the more painful. I began to cry. Mostly from the shock and the pain. It took awhile to compose myself but he asked if I wanted to wallow on the fact I spoke or keep enjoy my freedom to orgasm. This snapped me out of my pity party and  soon I was having yet another orgasm.

 

Awhile later he said we could either stop or I could take 12 lashes. This is always an easy decision for me. I’ll do anything for orgasms and I never turn them down despite how painful the alternative may be. I took my  lashes and the pain was “exquisite” for lack of a better word. I knew I was in what was called "sub space" and it is a beautiful place to be. The pain fulfilled me like it ever had before. Sir stuck his fingers in my pussy and he could tell by my dripping wet cunt, that I was in a state of pure ecstasy. I came again twice, maybe three times, I can never keep count and then ended with what is always one of my favorite parts. Sir cumming deep inside me. If there is a heaven, I imagine that is what it is like.

 

Sir got up and brought me a towel and a glass of water. I cleaned myself up, kissed him and went to put on my panties. He walked me to the hallway and with one last kiss I walked out silently into the night. 

 

A recommitment to deep throating

So, last week while I was sucking Sir's cock, he had to remind me again to watch my teeth. This got me thinking how I really need to renew my goal of learning to deep throat. Sir deserves an open, willing throat to use as he pleases!

Now, this is no easy task especially considering the fact Sir is incredibly well endowed with 8 inches of amazing cock. I've got him down briefly in the past but not consistently enough to to consider this goal met.

I've done lots of research on this subject and wanted to share what I have found out about the many ways to improve your performance. 

The first thing I would like to discuss the psychological component. Deepthroating is a sexual technique, a skill if you will – and it requires you to suppress your gag reflex in order to swallow his penis. This requires muscle control as well as a willing nature. If you have the will, there is a way and if there is one thing I have when it comes to Sir it is a will to find a way! 

The first thing is to come prepared. This means practicing on your own. Probably the biggest obstacle to deepthroating is the the gag reflex. There really are no super secrets to eliminating or overcoming the gag reflex – simply mind over matter and practice. Controlling your gag reflex takes time. The key is to slowly desensitize it and these steps will show you how to to practice for the real thing..

1. Using either a finger, toothbrush or a dildo specifically made for this purpose is best. Just place it into your mouth and slowly edge towards the back of your throat.
2. Eventually you will feel it hit the back of your throat where it will trigger your gag reflex. When this happens, hold it there and don’t move it.
3. You now need to maintain your breathing through your nose while at the same time heavily concentrating on relaxing your throat. (Sometimes this is really easy and sometimes this can be quite tough. The key is to keep trying, even if you do find yourself accidentally gagging every now and then.)
4. Hold the object steady at the back of your throat for up to 10 seconds. Don’t try to move it in or out.
5. Try doing this for 3 or more times every day for a week. You’ll star to find towards the end of the week that it will get a lot easier and your gag reflex won’t be as sensitive
6. Your gag reflex will becomes less and less sensitive over the coming weeks, as you continue practicing. Once you notice this, then it’s time to take it a step further. Every once in a while, try moving the dildo slowly in and out of your mouth so that it’s repeatedly brushing off your gag reflex. The first few times you try this, your gag reflex will be heavily stimulated making you feel like throwing up. But it’s important to try your best to stay calm, keep breathing and relax (even if your throat is in spasms!).
7. After a few weeks of this, you will have eventually worn down the sensitivity of your gag reflex to the point where you are quite comfortable taking it deep into and out out your throat without convulsing or coughing excessively.

Once you have been practicing diligently these techniques, you are now ready to show off your skills. Choose a position in which you are more submissive, down on your knees, for example, looking up at him from below. When thinking about an appropriate position look for comfort and a good view. It's important that you are both comfortable so that you don’t lose focus and in a position that gives him the feeling of power over you confident in  your complete submission to him. I like lying on my back with my head hanging over the bed and Sir standing above me. This allows the greatest penetration, comfort and is an excellent view for Sir to watch as his submissive bitch serves him. Also by looking up at him  you see his reactions to your ‘moves’ and you can adjust your performance accordingly.

Before you attempt to  deepthroat, make sure you exercise your facial muscles just a little bit. Because it's possible for your jaws to get tired during the blow job (if you are novice, experienced women gave me head for over an hour), massage your cheeks and open your mouth as much as you can. Just to get your mouth ready.

Relax your jaw as much as possible. Keep your tongue flat, sticking it out as much as you can as you guide him into your mouth, Then, as you would a regular blowjob, start by licking the tip of his cock, sucking the sides and getting it moist with saliva. Be sure to get his shaft as wet as possible. The penis must be THOROUGHLY LUBRICATED! I can’t stress this enough. An erect dick will slide much easier along the tongue and into the throat if it is well lubricated. Your totally wet mouth will also communicate an important message to him: I’m super-excited. Saliva needs to be dripping all over the place.

By now you should be warmed up, relaxed, in a submissive position and ready to please him. Use your hands to hold his cock at the base and really give it your attention. You need to be hungry. Literally starve for it, need it, like an addict needs a drug. That’s the way you must need and desire his penis. Then, begin to work his cock further and further down your throat.

Remember to stay calm and do not hold your breath!

Form a tight seal around his cock and repeat everything you practiced with the dildo. Focus on relaxing your gag reflex and pushing through it. 

It's helpful to practice giving blow jobs by not using your hands what so ever, just your mouth.This will force you to improve your technique and suction.Some girls have a hard time getting it in deeper, because they think they cant, but they can most of the time. It's just a matter of practice and strong will. Always believe anything is possible.

Once you have these key concepts down, the only thing left is practice, practice and practice more practice. That's really all there is to it. I was practicing daily awhile back and was making great strides but I stopped and am back to where I started. That is not acceptable.

I want to master this for Sir and as of today, I am recommitting myself to learning this so I can take him down my throat whenever he desires.

Types of Submissive Training

I was recently talking with a friend about what kind of training is involved in a D/S relationship. It made me realize once again how lucky I am that I have journeyed into submission under Sir and how he seems to intuitively knows the right way to do things. He has trained me in many ways and I always give everything I have when learning to submit to his expectations. Here are just a few kinds of training out there.

Physical

- Physical training encompasses all areas requiring movements, positions and postures excluding for our purposes here, things sexual or pertaining to the acquisition of physical skills. Makes me think of planks! But that's a story for another time. There are differences among dominants as to what physical training is desirable and important in the development of a submissive. I always say that Sir does not need handcuff's or rope for me because I follow his order to stay in a certain position simply because he told me too.

Verbal  - At its most basic, verbal training includes how the submissive addresses his or her dominant. It has been my experience that dominants have preferences about how a submissive is permitted to address them and you may be confident that this information will be provided to you. I call mine Sir. It seems awkward at first but now it is second nature. This would also include not talking back, being bratty or disrespectful.

Mental  - Training focused on the mental realm involves things like memorization, keeping a journal, improving concentration skills, acquiring new knowledge, improving problem solving skills and learning to bend the will more effectively to that of the dominant through development of greater determination to please and persistence to pursue tasks and assignments. One thing that I do in this category is write in my blog once a week which is actually what I am doing now. I'm sure I would not do this every week if it wasn't one of his requirements.

Emotional  This is for the purpose of helping a submissive to learn to be more obedient or less willful. This would also include not talking back, being bratty or disrespectful. This is harder that you might think! I never realized that I could be quite argumentative and have learned to curtail this. This should not be confused with never having a voice. Sir allows me to discuss any concerns I may have but ultimately his word is final. I actually rarely have issue with any of his decisions so it isn't very difficult. 

Sexual - This is probably my favorite category and the possibilities are endless! Some common sexual training topics include things like:

1. Learning to experience increased arousal
2. Learning to become sexual in new ways
3. Overcoming sexual blocks (e.g., mental, moral, ethical, shame)
4. Erotic movement 
   
5. Restrictions on masturbation frequenc
6. Orgasm control/denial
7. Overcoming body shame. I don't have much of a problem with this but I see it  oftenwith other submissive's.Rituals and Protocols - A ritual may be defined as any formalized action or set of actions, repeated in a specific and structured way. Rituals are processed at the subconscious level, making the practice of rituals a very effective means of shaping a person's beliefs, self-image, thoughts and behavior. Thus, rituals  are a key part of submissive training and a tool often used by dominants.

 Rituals and the psychology behind them:

• Rituals have a repeatable structure, basically a script. Repeating the same thing regularly helps it become a habit that sinks deep into the self-conscious.
• Rituals should have a definite purpose, objective or goal. Whether the submissive is aware of it or not, the dominant should be.
• The most effective rituals have a direct link to specific activities or events.
• Rituals should be simple, using relatively few words and acts.
• Rituals should have a definite beginning and end.
• The number of rituals should be limited. Too many and they become difficult to remember, a burden and limit spontaneity. 

Remember, training is going to vary from situation and preferences to individual personalities. Before starting anything, always make sure all parties are fully aware of all possibilities and Hard and Soft Limits are in place and agreed on.I always feel like I need to say that even though because of the trust and comfort level I have with Sir, limits never cross my mind. Our interactions have just always flowed mutually and naturally but the more I learn, the more I realize this is the exception to the rule and that submissive's need to be careful who they allow to train them.