Rituals you can practice to prove your dedication to your Submission

Rituals are very important when you are submissive. The repetitiveness keeps the brain wired to that habit. It also keeps you focused on serving your dominant. Here are a few ideas on how to prove just how dedicated you are to serving him.

 

Tokens of servitude - This can be a collar, jewelry or something that you can wear. These  items symbolize giving up control of your sexual being to him. Each day the you would be be required to wear something given to her by her Dom that symbolizes his ownership of you. It doesn't have to be just one item. As long as you are wearing something that was given to you by him each and every day, this would be sufficent. I believe this is an excellent reinforcement of submission. T has been so generous to his horny bitch which makes this ritual very easy for me. I have multiple necklace's, earrings, nipple ring, scarf, clothes and panties from him. More than enough to be able to wear at least one of them every day. The obvious idea behind this is that you are reminded that he controls you every time you see the item you are wearing.

Choosing your outfit for the day -  This can be either by having him choose between two outfits you to present him or if knows your wardrobe well, having him simply tell you "Wear_____ today."

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First thing in the morning and last thing before bed rituals - To many, this are the most important times to reinforce submission. They are designed so it is the first thing you think of in the morning and the last thing your think about before going to sleep. One such ritual, we do is texting when I am going to bed. I have been a bit liberal about it lately and sometimes continue to do things after I have told him I am going to bed. As of this writing, I am making the vow to only text after I have done everything I need to do and I am going straight to sleep. Other such rituals include a morning text, chanting (kind of strange to me....), or a ritualized bedtime routine. Some other things that would only apply you lived together, are waking him every morning by sucking his cock or kneeling next to the bed each night and asking his permission to join him. Those last two make me especially wet when I think about them!

Menial tasks - This would include activities like cleaning, running errands or any pretty much any task your Dom may need done. Serving him dinner falls under this category and is one of my personal favorites. I have found this incredibly fulfilling to my need to serve even though it has been fairly difficult for me to pull off with much poise and grace! It requires me to concentrate during the absolute height of my horniness which is something I clearly need work on. Every time I have made dinner for him, I later remember of all the things I forgot or didn't get right and can't believe how scattered I had been all because I could not focus during my heightened state of arousal. Practicing and hopefully one day perfecting this would be a huge milestone in my goal to master self-control. My ideal would be able to concentrate long enough to present a whole meal to him flawlessly. I don't want to suppress my horniness though rather just manage it. Other ideas in this category could only be used if you lived with your Dom. Some examples would be bringing him breakfast or coffee in bed each morning, waking him in a unique and repetive way, drawing a bath etc

Research and write a weekly report on a new subject - Either the Dom or Sub would pick one subject per week (or month) that has something to do with domination, submission, sex, or other bdsm related topics.You would then write an informative report on it to present to him. The possible topics are endless. I like this idea mostly because the subject matter is of great interest to me and because I am a weirdo that likes to write reports! The paper would be due on the exact same day every week. This is a great opportunity to learn new ideas or fun things to do in the lifestyle. Buying, using and reviewing a new sex toy would be another variation on this.

Offering of Sub to others - Here the Dom reserves the right to give you to others to use as he sees fit. We have discussed this quite a bit lately and ithas caused me a lot of anxiety. It feels erotic and somewhat right to share T with a woman. There is something that really turns me on to think of him telling me exactly what I should do to her. If he says to kiss her, I would kiss her. If he says to lick her pussy, I would do so without hesitation as well as without promoting my own agenda. However, the thought of being with a man absolutely terrifies me. I can only imagine how awkward that would be. Again, not all Dom's like to share so if that is the case, this wouldn't be for you. This act holds a limited appeal to me but as the obedient little slut I am, if he decides to share me, be it with a woman or with a man, I will obey without hesitation or complaint.

Learn the art of body massage - One submissive woman I met, just recently signed up for a class on this and told me it was not too late to register if I was interested. I would enjoy learning massage because it such a sensual act and would be so relaxing for him. The benefit of this is that not only would it  be an act of serving but it would also require me to practice extreme restraint, something I consistently struggle with. Simply seeing him makes me lose immediate control of any sexual restraint. To have to strategically massage him without losing my focus and without attempting to manipulate him into fucking me immediately would be horribly difficult! I was told that massage is very task oriented when you know what you are doing. It’s not just rubbing anywhere for however long you feel like it but a process that requires time and precision.

 Gifts to your Dom - This includes either things or people to play with. I personally love other women and would love to find a long term relationship with one to compliment my relationship with T. Because of the time and effort involved as well as intimacy and acceptance needed, this is a very strong reinforcement of submission. Included here would be progress report. It helps me stay organized and keep track of the where iI am in the process of wooing any given woman. I know that not everybody has an open relationship and would never dream of sharing your Dom with other women but for those who do, it shows how seriously you takes his pleasure and the lengths that you will go to find him a plaything or even better, a new ongoing relationship for you both.

 Watching your Dom fuck someone - This would also include knowing that D is fucking someone and processing all the details. This has been a huge adrenaline rush for me and has expanded both my pain and pleasure thresholds. I been with T when he fucked someone but the it is the times he texts me moments before he is going to fuck someone surprisingly invokes more emotion. This may be due to being deprived of being fucked myself which causes wrenched envy or just a case of my deviant imagination running wild and my body responding to it. Whatever the cause, I have learned an incredible amount about myself from both scenario's. I desperately would like further opportunities to experience this mind altering experience as I know the room for my personal growth is still enormous in both situations. I am looking forward to taking it a step further and seeing him out with someone, then leaving knowing that he will be fucking her shortly. Simply seeing a picture of the woman he was going to be with stepped up the reaction \quite a bit so it will be interesting to see what physically seeing both of them together in person will be like. I also think about what it would be like to see him fuck someone in person who didn't know I was there while I must sit by quietly and watch. If we wanted to add a step before that, I could try this while watching remotely by camera as well.

These are just a few ideas's you can try to cement your submission but the possiblities are really never ending especially when you have deviant minds like T and I do :)

Crying during an intense sexual experience

I actually cried during an intense sexual experience. There it is, in black and white for anyone to see. I still am not 100% sure why I was moved to tears during one of most intimate encounters you can have with another human being but I am starting to understand it little by little. I do know that something emotional was shaken loose at this time even though its exact definition and cause are still vague.

I should start by saying that I am not a crier. Especially not in front of anybody else. In my family or with anyone who knows me, I have always been seen as the strong one and I take a certain amount of pride in that. It's part of my identity.

For years, I was in a relationship where it wasn't safe to express negative emotions. No frustration, no anger, no sadness. If I did, it was met with either disappointment, shame, ridicule, or down right anger. I am not one to naturally express these emotions much anyway but soon I stopped almost completely.

As if losing the capacity to express such vital human emotions wasn't bad enough, I began to lose the positive emotions like passion and elation as well. I was even keeled all the time. I never let go enough to fully feel either pain or pleasure. I  lived my life simply doing what I needed to do. 

It is only in the last few years have I begun to recognize that this has been a long time problem for me. I tended to avoid anger, minimize injustices, hide myself away when I am depressed, refuse to ask for help, and would rarely reveal when I was hurt or scared. I shunned anything that could be portrayed as weak.

After years of living like this, it isn't any surprise that it would all eventually blend together, building and building until it finally burst. The end of that relationship came quickly. I had reached the point of no return. I was done and to this day,  I honestly believe that leaving saved my very essence as a human being.

So, there I was. Free at last. Despite my new found freedom, I  know damn well that I had years upon years of stuffed anger, frustration and resentment were corked deep within me. Years of none of my needs being met quite the way I needed them to; my emotional, physical, social, intellectual, and spiritual needs unattended, even my freedom of self-expression has been squelched. Despite all of the positive effects that came from choosing to fully live my own life has brought me, I still had a deep rooted fear of all this pent up negativity. I feared that if I gave in to it, I would lose my mind; have a nervous breakdown, or explode in ball of fury. I knew I needed a safe way to release it. I needed a safe avenue to explore my need to serve and please without being suffocated

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If is safe to say that when it comes to relationships, everything I tried up to this point has been a miserable failure. Wasn't I supposed to be happy in some long term, monogamous, vanilla relationship? Why couldn't I be content marrying a rich doctor, moving to Mercer Island and attending endless cocktail parties and tennis dates? Scheduling missionary sex for every other Saturday night? Wouldn't my life be better that way? Perhaps in theory it should be, but unfortunately not for me. I now know, unequivocally, that I need more.

Today, as I control and manage my own life. I can't even begin to count how many balls I juggle at any given time or I just may drop them all. I do know that the only person I can truly count on is myself. Good or bad, that us the way it is and I am comfortable that way.

But no man is an island and my submission is one of the few places that I don't need or even want this control. I love how that while I am in this head space, I become this base creature, only experiencing the physical pleasure and pain of what he has decided will be. I exclusively follow his plan and his agenda. Who  could have guessed the unmatchable high and the libido that would rival any teenage boy out there!

This journey has freed me in so many way despite how counter intuitive it sounds. How can submitting to another, giving up control and blindly obeying, free someone? Strange as it may seem, submission has taken me on a journey through the darkest parts of the sexual beast that is me: my hunger ,my lust, and my desire to connect with my darker hidden self through the flesh of another.

I have found a satisfaction in submitting than is rivaled by nothing else. I have even discovered that I  take pride in my own debasement. By  surrendering my will and ego to him, I have become liberated. in a way that is almost spiritual. I once read that pain and other emotional trauma can advance spirtual/pyschological causes. I thought that was just the rambling of one of those crazy, new age types but I've come to understand.

This is not to say it has been an easy journey. In fact, at times it has been down right painful, both physically and emotionally. Now before anyone gets distressed let me make clear, that while I have felt pain, it's a great pain, and I like suffering for great results
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I have learned to be vulnerable. I know that he has the capacity to destroy me but I completely trust him not to. He did not get my submission by force, manipulation or by crushing my will but instead by inspiring respect and obedience. He inspires a passion that makes every encounter is a rush, with a range of emotions that astonishes me. After I am with him in a sexual situation, the release is so great that I am exhausted, often for days, and need to sleep.

So, the other night, during a rather intense encounter and without warning, I broke down and cried.
I am still tying to pinpoint exactly why the tears started flowing. On this particular night, I had quickly  reached the state, where instead of being buried deep, down inside like they usually are, my emotions lingered right at the surface.

As we were in bed,  he brought up a subject that has been very difficult for me to accept. He asked once again if I would suck a man's cock if he told me to. I felt the disgust well up on me at the thought of this repugnant act. I broke his gaze and instinctively pulled ever so slightly back without answering his question. This is when I felt a sharp slap land square on my left cheek.

The tears began to fall immediately. In retrospect, I can see now that this was the very moment signaling my complete handover of control.

Emotion seemed to pour out of every cell in my body. I was completely caught off guard by this. My very first thought was that my tears were due to the pain of a slap but I had taken that and more many other times without a second thought.

My next thought was about how my hesitation and lack of immediate compliance much have disappointed and frustrated him so. He does not like to have to tell me something twice, nor should he have to. We had been over this subject more than once and I knew better than to hesitate like that. What the hell was wrong with me? Hadn't I been warned repeatedly that resistance when discussing this subject would not be tolerated?  My anger at myself just made the tears come faster. I hated disappointing him.

Then, came the horrifying realization that I was actually crying! Right here in the middle of this most amazing sex, I was bawling like a baby. Who had I become?

He asked me what was wrong but I honestly wasn't sure. He suggested that maybe I was crying because the slap hurt? Yes, it had hurt but I was fairly certain that wasn't why I was crying. Was it his disappointment in my lack of instant compliance? I figured this had to be why but deep down, I wasn't completely convinced.

As I desperately searched for an answer, he told me to get off of him. Fear spread throughout my body like poison. I was embarrassed and my body quickly filled with a self loathing I have rarely experienced. He held me while I tried to stop crying but to my horror, the  harder I tried to stop, the harder I cried. I cursed myself. I was stronger than this. All my worse fears rose to the surface. I had freaked him out by acting like a silly little girl. I could tell he was surprised at my reaction. Maybe it was my own paranoia but I felt him pull away. I was mortified.

We talked. I explained how I hated to disappoint him. He wanted an answer to why I was crying and so did  I. I now know it wasn't just one event that precipitated my reaction. It was the culmination of the past, my fear of failure, the raw intensity of the situation and my unyielding dedication of my submission to him.

I have since learned that my reaction was a positive thing. At that moment, I evolved as a person and a sexual being more than I ever dreamed possible .This journey has taught me more about life and myself than maybe anything ever has. I don't know what the future holds for me and for the first time in my life, it doesn't even matter. For now, I will embrace my life and the beauty and wonder it holds. Giving my submission to someone who seems to always innately know just how to play me has made this experience the stuff legends are made of and for that, I will be forever grateful to my Sir.

Finding Another Submissive Woman to Train and Serve

So as you know, T is quite skilled at coming up with new and exciting challenges designed to make this horny bitch even hornier and help me grow as a person! In my last post, I wrote about how we started a conversation about what it would be like for me to see him with another and I said before, I have mixed emotions about it.

The traditional side of me despises the idea and fills me with rage and jealously. I understand these reactions. Isn’t that how you were supposed to feel when a man whom you desire gives or receives attention from another woman? Isn’t that what society taught me is the appropriate reaction?

Yes. Jealousy and anger, I get. Not that I am a particularly jealous person but in cases such as these, why of course I would be! What caught me off guard were the other feelings this idea aroused in me. Could it be that my new found enlightened kinky side was actually intrigued with this absurd idea? Was my pussy seriously starting to tingle and grow wet in anticipation as I began to allow these thoughts to flow uncensored through my mind? Indeed, it was. It was quite tingly and wet indeed.

As surprising as it was to feel turned on by this, I know exactly why it was. There was no doubt it was directly correlated with my blossoming love of pleasure and pain. How I experience such an incredible charge when these two former polar opposite emotions now blend so effortlessly into one new and amazing sensation. It finally dawned on me that thinking of another woman pleasuring him invoked that same pain and pleasure principal that I have grown so addicted to.
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I began to embrace the discomfort as well as the arousal that this idea invoked and soon immersed myself in creating a fantasy about another woman fucking him. Soon afterwards, I had a very vivid and lovely dream about myself as well as two other submissive women serving him as we all lived happily together in a beautiful castle. There was that magnificent bond of sisterhood that I love so much between myself and the other women as well as an unwavering devotion to T. In this dream, not only did I worship, obey and serve him as I do now, but the other submissive women did so as well!

When I awoke from the dream in the middle of the night, my mind went over and over the details. I was completely enchanted by this idea of a commune (and I was quite wet as well!). I immediately wrote down everything I could remember about the dream down and emailed it to T.

He was quite pleased and liked the idea a lot! The next time we met, he asked me to pick from the following choices:

- Find anotherman to fuck in front of him

- Find a womanto pleasure in front of him

- Find anothersubmissive woman for him and I to train

So, to behonest, of these things would be very difficult for me. Let’s start first with being with another man. I had an immediate distasteful-reaction to this. I am completely trained to exclusively T’s wants, needs and techniques. How could another man ever satisfy me when I am trained only to orgasm to HIS distinct command? I could not follow another man’s orders. I don’t want to to and even if I did I have doubts that I even could! It seems completely absurd! There is no question that any other man would fail miserably at getting any kind of sexual response out of me. I can’t imagine that our reactions would harmonize what so ever. This option scares the hell out of me and fills me with great anxiety. In fact, of the three, this would absolutely be the last option I would choose.

As for being sexual with a woman? I have no experience what so ever with homosexual relations. None. I love women,. I think their bodies can be amazing works of art and have always related to them far better than men, but sexually? I don’t know. It definitely doesn’t come as naturally as sexual feelings for men do. However, I am considerably more intrigued now than I ever have been in the past with the idea so who knows? I definitely would not rule it out. The other thing pleasure with a woman has going for it is that it is a novel experience and I wouldn’t have the same comparisons that I would surely have if another man attempted to inspire even one tenth of the passion that T does.

Now, that leaves the third and final option. The training of another submissive woman to be worthy enough to serve him. This one was my first choice-immediately. Since my dream, I have often found myself fantasizing about this beautiful, almost utopian society,heavy with an aura of not only sex and obedience but of warmth, caring and intellectual stimulation. I frequently picture myselfin the role of both devoted submissive to T as well as a mentor to the otherwomen. I imagined teaching and enforcing all of his rules along with insuring they obey all of his wishes. I came up with the following list of basic rules to be followed at all times:

• -To be completely cleanly shaven and ready for him at any time.
• -No orgasms, ever, without his explicit permission.
• -Arms and legs are to be kept uncrossed at all times.
• -Learning the fine art of deep throating would behighly revered. Especially the importance of learning to control one’s gag reflex in order to swallow his 8 inch cock completely.
• -He is to be addressed as Sir by all.
• -There would be several rooms in which to sleep and we must always tell him where and at what time we would go to sleep each night.
• -Dress and any adornments would be up to his discretion. (No pants)
• -We are to practice daily with these beautiful jeweled clothespins to suppress the extreme sensitivity our nipples so we can withstand any kind treatment he may want to administer.
• -The absolute number one rule was that we were to be ready to please him any time we were summoned.

These ideas have definitely dominated my fantasies in the last week or so. Yesterday, I told T that I decided that finding a submissive to train would be my choice. He was quite pleased as that was his preferred choice as well.

I have crafted an ad and just started to post it in various places. I have even had one very lovely response already. I look forward towhere this adventure may lead. I have nodoubt it will be a thrilling and sensual experience. All experiences with T are.

Pushing my Limits. What exactly are my Boundaries?

I’ve been thinking about boundaries lately. Pushing my limits and getting out of my comfort zone. T is synonymous with all these things to me and always has been in some capacity. Recently, I was invited to attend a get together at a friend’s where a consultant comes in and pushes her overpriced purses. I always feel like I have to buy at least something at those things despite the fact that never in a million years would I have bought it myself for that price in a department store.

T has a way of texting me things that in an instant, light a fire of all consuming desire in the neural pathways of my brain and sends my pussy into a constant state of alarm. Maybe I should just call him Pavlov? His words are a bell and my body is the salivating dog.

All that aside, from first thing that morning when I texted him my outfits to choose from, until the time I went to the party, there were several texts from him that served to ramp up my horniness, including requesting I touch myself at work (but no orgasm!) and telling me of his recent fantasy where I am laying on his floor after he just fucked me waiting to be summoned again by him. He knows quite well how horribly distracted I get from his words and boy was I ever distracted that day!

By the time I got to the party, my brain and body were so completely saturated with that constant yearning that only he can inspire. I could have most likely come on command (which is something I’ve been researching heavily and will write about more very soon)but would never, ever do that without his permission.

I told him quite explicitly just how wound up and sexually ravenous he was making me and a hour before the party started I received the following text from him:

“Good. Be frenzied. Find someone at the party who you’d want me to fuck in front of you and tell me about your thoughts.”

At exactly the same moment, jealously spread though out my brain and my pussy became noticeably wetter and even more aroused. How could something make me so defensive and jealous while at the same time make my body respond with such intense sexual reactions? Could this be because pleasure and pain are so intertwined in my body as well as my mind? The scientist in me wants to know why I react this way. Why I crave it like a drug. I search endlessly for the answer but it always seems to elude me.

I take his requests VERY seriously and this would be no exception. I now was over the top horny and on a mission to find just the right woman. For the most part, the party included mostly women anywhere from their early thirties to senior citizens. I quickly zeroed in on the two most obvious candidates which I soon reduced to the one perfect woman for our mutual fantasy. I texted him my choice and briefly how it made me feel and followed it up at home with the email below:

Dear T,

So, to tell you a little bit about our Sarah. She is warm, sweet and
sexy woman but as I've gotten to know her better, I have noticed
that like with most people, things are seldom as they appear.
She is only 32 and has been married since her late teens, having
her first child before she turned 21. She is a stay at home mom and
her kids are in school all day. I have seen the slightest of cracks
in her demeanor that make me wonder if she is perhaps a bit discontent
with her life. Maybe she feels like she missed out on a lot of experiences?

She is about 5'2 and definitely on the curvy side. She will say
she could probably stand to lose a few pounds but she doesn't
come across as fat to me, just earthy and voluptuous. She has
very large breasts and these seem to be what she likes to showcase.
She has very thick, long chestnut brown hair, sparkling eyes
and an infectious smile that while not perfect, radiates charm
and intelligence. She is the kind of person that becomes more
and more attractive as you get to know her.

I get the feeling she would be very sensual and attentive in bed. I
imagine that she would be on top while fucking you. It is light in
the room and I see myself watching the ecstasy and sheer amazement
spread across her face and expressive eyes as she experiences you, a
lover far greater that she ever, even in her wildest fantasies, could
have imagined existed.

She is not a tall woman and I imagine she might feel a little pain
because of your huge cock. It hurts her at first but soon this pain
begins to morph into pleasure and she begins to just lose complete
control. Soon, just like I have every time you fucked me, she falls
into an earth shattering, life changing orgasm. I keep going back to
how her face changes throughout the process and I find my pussy
getting wetter as I think about it.

My feelings about this are complicated. I am so trained by you as
well as by myself to want to bring you pleasure at whatever the cost.
Knowing you are turned brings me waves of endorphins I never could
have dreamed. I want it. I crave it. It's like a drug. I take your
sexual pleasure very seriously and would do anything to satisfy you.
I can't explain or even fully understand why this is but I accept it
as fact and honestly I wouldn't want it any other way.

Then, there is the other part of me. This part would be jealous and
angry by seeing you enjoying her breasts, your cock hard and ready
for her pussy, her lips on the body that has the power to instantly
turn me into an orgasmic mess. Maybe I would want to grab her by
the hair and rip her off of you. Then while she lay stunned on the floor,
I would turn to devour you with those uncontrollable urges only you
know how to inspire in me.

So as you can see, these emotions are on opposite ends of the spectrum
but I feel them both so strongly! It is so strange to me. How is it
that I could feel both extremes so intensely? It doesn't make sense
or seem rational but yet it is how I feel and what is making me so
fucking horny that I am nearly the point that I can't stand it much
longer!

I think in the end I would be open to experiencing this and that I
would indeed be able to process and control myself. I believe
I have the capacity to actually accept and even savor my jealousy
and competitiveness as well as my intense pleasure that floods me
when I know you are pleased.

It dawned on me that this experience would be very similar to that
blending of pleasure and pain that you bring me in bed, which
as you know for me, compares to nothing else. You inspire me to
push myself and to try so many things…

Betsy

In reality, I don’t know if this will ever happen. However, I have come to realize that if he does desire it, I will take whatever means necessary to bring it to life and completely immerse myself in both the pain and pleasure that the encounter will most surely bring. To date, I have not had a single regret with anything I have experienced with him and have no reason to believe this would be an any exception to that.

Why Some Strong Women Crave Sexual Submission

Sexual submission is a topic that was once taboo; it was only discussed by those “in the know” in
certain fetish groups and online communities. Recently though, with the popularity of the “Shades
of Grey” series of books, more women are looking at submission as a way to add spice to their sex
life. Women now whisper about submission with their girlfriends, or mention these fantasies to their
significant others. When the mainstream media sees a new trend it pounces on it and BDSM seems to be the new flavor of the month.

Surprisingly, there are more strong career-minded women who are sexually submissive than many
people think. Many of these women spend all day making the calls in the boardroom, or working as
doctors, lawyers or in other high-profile positions. During the day, they make their employees tremble
with a sharp word or look. So, why are things different in the bedroom?

Much of human's enjoyment of sex is fantasy. Women who are strong and commanding during the
day may wish to give up this power at night and spend time letting someone else make the calls.
Submission with the right partner allows a woman to give up control, in a safe way. Those who haven't
experienced the act of full submission in the bedroom may not fully understand, but it takes away the
need to think and question every move. A submissive is not worried about her enjoyment, because that enjoyment comes from fulfilling that special dominants wishes. She simply does as she's told and “enjoys the ride.”

Submitting to a partner is a fantasy of many women, whether one they voice or choose to keep
internalized. The important thing to remember is that fantasizing, or even acting on these fantasies with
a safe partner, doesn't make a woman any less strong and able. I believe it is the opposite actually. A woman needs to be secure and in touch enough with herself to even begin to explore this lifestyle. She needs to be able to understand that feminism is a woman's right to choose what makes her happy and if being dominated by a strong man in the bedroom is what gets her juices flowing then that is what she should seek out. Exchange of power scenarios are simply another way to explore sexual energy and emotions between a couple. As long as it is safe, sane and consensual that it is a beautiful thing.

As for me, in all other realms of my life, I am painfully in control. I carefully plan and orchestrate everything from paying my bills to planning a vacation. I purposefully take on lots of responsibility because it is just the way I've always been. Honestly though, it is stressful and a lot of pressure! Although I never realized it before, I needed an outlet! Being submissive to the man who I trust explicitly and who has been my lover or friend in some capacity for almost four years now has been incredible. I have reached heights in both my body and mind that I never could have imagined. I have become a more confident and satisfied woman.

There is no one way to be submissive and I love the endless creativity it provokes. I have given him complete control of my pussy or as we both refer to it now, "his pussy". I don't not play with it and most definitely do not have an orgasm without his expressed permission. Many days he also decides my dress and whether or not undergarments should be worn. As crazy as it sounds, this makes me insane with desire! He has also given me many unique challenges over the last few months, including orgasming in public, learning to deep throat, and pleasuring myself in front of virtual stranger at a BDSM club. These are definitely things that never would have crossed my mind that anyone would do, much less me! Even though we stumbled into this lifestyle together, he is so proficient that you would think he has been doing it for years.

I don't know what the future holds with T and part of this dominant/submissive relationship is not trying to control or worry about it. I find a lot of solace in that. I now think about what it would be like to have a normal, vanilla, sexual relationship now and I'm not sure I could go back to that. The heights of excitement have been set pretty high.

A Challenge from Him: Learning to Deep Throat

One of the great myths of being a sexually submissive woman is that you cannot or will not think for yourself. I for one, can’t emphasize enough how false this myth is! In the months since I have chosen to love and embrace the submissive tendencies of my sexuality, my creativity, productivity, imagination and maybe most importantly, my sexual satisfaction has been off the charts! The deliberate decision to surrender my sexuality to a dominant and sexually superior man, a man who I trust with every fiber of my being, has been one of the most intense and liberating experiences of my life.

The act of submission is a very psychologically complex concept for which there are as many meanings as there are individuals. For me personally, a fundamental part of this process is the unwavering desire to fulfill every single one of his carnal requests. Once I allowed myself permission to let go of what society says a woman should feel and instead listened to my inner desires, I crossed into this dimension of sexuality that I never even dreamed exist. The mere thought of pleasing him alone became enough to bring me to the brink of orgasm. I would part seas to make even his slightest sexual inclination a reality and it all felt so right. So pure and so true. So, as you can imagine, when he asked for me to learn to take his entire 8 inch cock down my throat, I agreed eagerly and without hesitation.

Now, despite my obsessional and overwhelming desire to do this for him, deep down, I must admit, I was more than a little concerned. This man is not your average guy in any way and penis size is no exception! According to Web MD, the average size of the penis is 5-6 inches. This specimen of sexual perfection measures in at a whopping 8 inches! Now, I always knew his cock was much larger than any I had ever come across in my years here on this earth but over 25 percent? That was a substantial amount! This task was no doubt a daunting one but I knew I would do whatever it took to find a way to accomplish this mission.

Now, I absolutely worship his glorious, over sized cock. Nothing has ever even come close to giving me so much pleasure! It is truly a treasure that legends are made of. Over the years, I have been blessed to have been fucked hundreds of times by him and in every single instance, I've experienced a beautiful and intense orgasm. I kid you not and I will say it again. I have climaxed every single time he has fucked me. So now maybe you can understand when I say a man of his stature and ability deserves nothing but very best and I was going to do whatever it took give it to him.

Up to the point of this request, I had only been able to take about 4 to 5 inches down. As soon as I went any further than this, I immediately started gagging. How would I ever conquer this task? Anxiety started to flood my veins and I responded by researching this subject with a passionate fervor. I googled every possible combination of words. I searched for any morsel of knowledge that that may hold the magic recipe.

- How to swallow a cock whole

- How to deep throat

- How to suck a whole penis

God love the internet! I don't remember what I did before it came along but it couldn't have been easy. I found quite a bit of useful information but here are the highlights:

- Squeeze your left thumb tightly in you left palm.

- The best position to get it down is to lie on your back with you head hanging over the side.

- Keep swallowing

- Dramamine for nausea

- Throat numbing spray to relax the gagging reflex.

- Cover his cock with lube (I got a delicious one from Lover's) so it can glide easily down your throat.

- Suppress your gag reflex with a toothbrush. I will talk more about this later.

- Stick flatten your tongue as if the doctor was using a tongue depressor. Slick your tongue out so the tip is below your bottom lip.

- Breathe out as the penis is going down your throat.

- Don't panic!

The adult esophagus is 10-14 inches long and 1 inch wide so there is no physical reason this feat can't be accomplished! Almost every article warned that suppressing the gag reflex is not a skill that is learned over night and it could take weeks to accomplish. I didn't like this of course because I wanted him to have this pleasure NOW but I soon found out that this is a process in which I indeed did need to have patience.

Of all the advice I received, the most helpful has to be "training the gag reflex with your tooth brush" and this soon became a daily ritual for me. After I brush my tongue, I reach back with the head of my toothbrush until I feel myself gag. I then stop and leave it in place for 10 seconds. During this time, I concentrate on my breathing. I do this every time I brush my teeth and I almost never gag any more!

Despite doing all these things, the real test was actually performing deep throat on him in all his 8 inch glory. I am happy to report, that I have been able to get him all the way down my throat. However, my work is far from over. I still can't take him down repeatedly until he reaches orgasm. I believe the only way I can actually achieve this is with practice and I will always happy to comply with that :)

A Poem About Submission

There is something about
Being pushed up against a wall, by a strong, forceful hand
The hard cold surface of the cement against my cheekbone.
Breath caught in my throat
Hearing the growling in my ear
And trying to remember my own name

There is something about
Being held by the neck of your throat
Back flat up against the wall
Staring straight into eyes that see through you
Swallowing hard
Waiting for your heart to start beating again

There is something about
Being made to crawl across the floor
at his command, feeling the burn of the carpet punish my knees.
My mind determined to make him proud
Not hesitating, even for a second
Drawing me to Him without a word
Trembling, a whimper caught in my throat

There is something about
Being pulled roughly by my hair
Feeling that hand slink up my neck
Into my tresses, close to the scalp
Grabbing, gripping it, guttural sounds emitting from His lips
The pain not nearly as strong as the urge
The urge to obey and see my every move as part of his orchestra

There is something about
Being bitten
Pain searing through my nipple
Feeling His teeth may just pierce me
Wondering, as I cry out, if He will this time
Wondering, if I will to bleed for my Submission

There is something about
Being bent over the the counter, without warning
Without pretense, without question
My skirt flipped up, cool air hitting my hot skin
My cheeks blushing, with the same color as my ass
As He warms it with the striking of the palm of His hand
The pain searing through my brain and out to every nerve ending
Overwhelmed not by the pain but because someone has finally reached me

There is something about
Being slapped across the face
Not backhanded, but a firm crisp slap to bring about
A change in behavior
A change in attitude
To make that lovely wail come from deep in my chest
I long to make it, as He longs to hear it

There is something about
Those words He uses
Those names He calls me.
His whore, his slut, his play toy
Those phrases meant to elicit a response
And I do respond
And as always, my body betrays me.

There is something about
Being thrown down and taken
Not against my will
For my will is to be there
To please, to submit, to offer, to relinquish
And as I cry out for breath, for more, for Him
I know I am finally free.

There is something about
Kneeling quietly beside Him
My body alive with both pleasure and pain
My mind silent, for once
My head bowed, eyes closed
My lips quivering as His fingers touch me
My submission, unquestioned
My Peace at Hand