Why Some Strong Women Crave Sexual Submission

Sexual submission is a topic that was once taboo; it was only discussed by those “in the know” in
certain fetish groups and online communities. Recently though, with the popularity of the “Shades
of Grey” series of books, more women are looking at submission as a way to add spice to their sex
life. Women now whisper about submission with their girlfriends, or mention these fantasies to their
significant others. When the mainstream media sees a new trend it pounces on it and BDSM seems to be the new flavor of the month.

Surprisingly, there are more strong career-minded women who are sexually submissive than many
people think. Many of these women spend all day making the calls in the boardroom, or working as
doctors, lawyers or in other high-profile positions. During the day, they make their employees tremble
with a sharp word or look. So, why are things different in the bedroom?

Much of human's enjoyment of sex is fantasy. Women who are strong and commanding during the
day may wish to give up this power at night and spend time letting someone else make the calls.
Submission with the right partner allows a woman to give up control, in a safe way. Those who haven't
experienced the act of full submission in the bedroom may not fully understand, but it takes away the
need to think and question every move. A submissive is not worried about her enjoyment, because that enjoyment comes from fulfilling that special dominants wishes. She simply does as she's told and “enjoys the ride.”

Submitting to a partner is a fantasy of many women, whether one they voice or choose to keep
internalized. The important thing to remember is that fantasizing, or even acting on these fantasies with
a safe partner, doesn't make a woman any less strong and able. I believe it is the opposite actually. A woman needs to be secure and in touch enough with herself to even begin to explore this lifestyle. She needs to be able to understand that feminism is a woman's right to choose what makes her happy and if being dominated by a strong man in the bedroom is what gets her juices flowing then that is what she should seek out. Exchange of power scenarios are simply another way to explore sexual energy and emotions between a couple. As long as it is safe, sane and consensual that it is a beautiful thing.

As for me, in all other realms of my life, I am painfully in control. I carefully plan and orchestrate everything from paying my bills to planning a vacation. I purposefully take on lots of responsibility because it is just the way I've always been. Honestly though, it is stressful and a lot of pressure! Although I never realized it before, I needed an outlet! Being submissive to the man who I trust explicitly and who has been my lover or friend in some capacity for almost four years now has been incredible. I have reached heights in both my body and mind that I never could have imagined. I have become a more confident and satisfied woman.

There is no one way to be submissive and I love the endless creativity it provokes. I have given him complete control of my pussy or as we both refer to it now, "his pussy". I don't not play with it and most definitely do not have an orgasm without his expressed permission. Many days he also decides my dress and whether or not undergarments should be worn. As crazy as it sounds, this makes me insane with desire! He has also given me many unique challenges over the last few months, including orgasming in public, learning to deep throat, and pleasuring myself in front of virtual stranger at a BDSM club. These are definitely things that never would have crossed my mind that anyone would do, much less me! Even though we stumbled into this lifestyle together, he is so proficient that you would think he has been doing it for years.

I don't know what the future holds with T and part of this dominant/submissive relationship is not trying to control or worry about it. I find a lot of solace in that. I now think about what it would be like to have a normal, vanilla, sexual relationship now and I'm not sure I could go back to that. The heights of excitement have been set pretty high.

How It All Began

As I look back in retrospect, there are most definitely signs that a sexually submissive woman has lived inside of me for a long time. I'm not sure if it was by a perfect storm of events, serendipity or simply a fluke that my exploration into this crazy way of life began, all I know is that it is way too intriguing to stop now.

It was August of 2008 and I had moved to Seattle with my family one year before for my then husband's job. I'm not going to go into what a horrible match he was for me but let's just say I was definitely not happy and in retrospect, I guess I never really had been. We had been married for 12 years and being the persistent and stubborn son of a bitch I am, I always did whatever it took to make it work and keep the peace. This often included completely ignoring any of my own needs so I wouldn't have to deal with his garbage. He was a very domineering man but neither in my mind nor spirit, had I ever completely acquiesced to his control. Looking back, I now know that I probably subconsciously picked him because of this deeply ingrained, although not yet discovered desire to be sexually dominated. I just didn't have the self-awareness that I have now to know that it was actually my sexual needs that required this, not the tiresome, minute details of life.

I have known the man who I have entrusted to dominate and control my sexuality for almost four years now. This man not is the husband of whom I speak. For the purposes of my writing, I will call this man T. The way we met is not what you would call sweet, romantic or the stuff romance novels are made of but the longer I live, the more I realize my life was most likely not meant to be typical or the norm anyway.

The cold, ugly truth is that I met T on Ashley Madison. Yes, I met him on a website that promotes affairs for married people. Would I have been on there if I was happily married or had a partner where I felt free to communicate and explore all my crazy desires with? No, probably not. Was it wrong for me to be there? Yes, it probably was. I'm not here to make excuses or debate the morality of the whole situation but it happened and I have to admit I don't regret it. At times, I feel guilty that I don't regret it, but the truth is that I simply don't. I do however regret the hurt I caused my family and I realize now, I should have just ended the marriage before I explored anything else. The breakup was a long, ugly process but I firmly believe it was for the best. I am happy say that now we have learned to make our limited communication for the most part productive and life is peaceful for now.

As for the story of T and I? Our journey has been a long and arduous one to say the least. I won't go into all the details but I will just say that in nearly four crazy years, our sexual chemistry has never waned. In fact, just the opposite, it has hit heights I never dreamed existed! I will swear on my mother's grave, there has not been even ONE time that I did not achieve an orgasm with this man. Not one! In my past sexual encounters, I was never a very orgasmic, sexual woman, which makes it even all the more amazing.

Besides being incredibly sexually talented, he is also a smart, funny and highly charismatic person whom I have always enjoyed talking to and  spending time with. He instinctively seems to understand my fantasies and always encourages me to embrace them.  He is a natural leader and without fail has been able to turn every last one of them into a reality. Thanks to him, I have become in touch with my sexual side and let me tell you, I had no idea what I had been missing all these years!

For the first time in my life, I do not plot and dream of what the future may bring. I neither know, nor do I care to think about how this story will unfold. Part of my submission is that I have relinquished any control over my sexuality. It is up to him when and if he has his way with me and what that encounter may entail. It is also in his power when and if I may pleasure myself and I must always obtain his permission before hand.

This sexual domination seems to come so easily to him. I never sense hesitation or insecurity in his authority of me, only a calm, commanding presence. It is like he was born to be a dominant and has been doing it for a hundred years. I have a hard time imagining anyone else having the power or expertise to reign in the sexual tornado that is me and for all these reasons, and many more, I have given him the gift of my submission.