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Monday, February 3, 2014

The role of competition in Submission

Sir and I had a very fun but intense evening the other night. We met after work at the tavern around the corner from my place for a drink and for a couple games of pool. While I'm not much of a pool player, I did hold my own. Unfortunately, in the end, I did lose both games.
As he often does, Sir added an element of challenge to the game with the sole purpose of invoking anxiety in me and it works everytime. He decided that for every ball I left on the table during our pool game,  I would receive one lash with a kitchen implement. This was somewhat concerning considering my limited experience in the game but I get such a thrill when he puts my fate on the line. I love that feeling of arousal and anxiety it brings me. 
The first game I did pretty well and only left one ball on the table. It was pure luck. Most of the balls I tried to get in somehow hit another random ball on the table which then somehow went in. I really don't know how it happened,I'm just glad it did!
The second game, I wasn’t so lucky. I left four balls on the table giving me a grand total of 5 lashes. Sir asked if I wanted to go double or nothing. I asked if we could pick a different game for this bet. He agreed and I chose Skee Ball, one of my favorites!
This got my competitive juices flowing and I beat him! No lashes with a kitchen implement for me.  I was estatic to have won even though a part of me would have kind of liked that punishment. Not to worry. I was pretty sure that there was not going to be any shortage of other equally harsh punishments. Little did I know that I would soon be learning  painful yet important lesson.
I recently came up with the idea to pose as Sir on dating sites in order to find him other submissive women to enjoy. To my surprise, I've been having lots of fun being a man despite having to always be careful to say the right thing so not to disturb the delicate constitution most women have. Once again, I was reminded how much easier men were to deal with. You would have to do something pretty bad to offend a man enough to stop trying to fuck you.
Anyway, one of the my first email exchanges was with a woman named S. I liked her profile immediately although I was a little worried about her weight as Sir likes a more trim figure. Other than that she seemed ideal. Funny, street smart and VERY into bdsm. She is one tough chick and said that most men stop a scene before she even gets close to her pain threshold because they fear they might seriously injure her.
I was fascinated. I was also a bit concerned. I am always so proud when Sir says how impressed he is with how much I can take. Now, here I was introducing him to someone who possibly could take more. I struggled with this and even briefly wondered if I should just end it with her but I knew I would never do that. In the end, my submission won out like it usually does. I reminded myself that to truly be submissive, I must put his pleasure over my either my insecurity or competitiveness or in this case, both.
As I have said before, submission is not for the feign of heart! If you are not secure and confident in yourself, it can eat you alive. Here I was, possibly sealing my fate as a lesser pain slut. Despite this real possibility, I don’t like to win by not playing, which in this case would be getting rid of S before Sir had a chance to meet her so I chose to set up a date for the two.
I arranged for them to meet at a bar midway between their respective houses. Sir texted me when he got there and my head starting spinning with possible outcomes to his evening. I was curious, anxious and on edge the whole time. He seemed to have been there a lot longer than I thought he would and my mind (and much to my dismay, my pussy!) were in an uproar.Despite my distress, I managed to hold it together. I didn’t freak out and do something stupid. A skill I was not always good at.
Finally, I heard from him. He said she was heavier and less refined than he prefers but liked her personality and was fascinated by her cravings for intense pain. Despite, my worry about her propensity for pain, I encouraged him to go on. After all, isn’t that what one who is truly submissive would want?
After a few days, they decided to meet. She was going to make him dinner. Another pang. I loved to serve Sir dinner and I wondered if she could cook better, serve better and a million other things. Everything was about competition. I wanted to do everything better than her.
Once again, the time he was there, my mind couldn’t focus on anything else and my pussy ached for stimulation.
When he texted me afterwards he said she gave a lousy blow job but could sure take a beating. I had mixed feelings. I have progressed enough in my submission that I truly did find pleasure in knowing he had an enjoyable night. This is something I never thought possible because in the past that would mean I was less in his eyes. I’m  amazed at my progress here although I am still a ways from the complete submissive state I strive to achieve.
The other part of me was relieved that she gave a lousy blowjob and was worried that she could take more pain than I could. Definitely, not the kind of thoughts I want after working so hard on my submission! The blend of these polar opposite feelings gives me a very strange sensation that I have come to know quite well and never fails to make me insanely horny! 
By the time we met at the tavern, I was starved for details and asked him tons of questions. Sir is always cognizant of my feelings but he also knows that in order for him to guide me deeper into submission, sometimes I must face things that are anywhere from mildly uncomfortable to excruciating. He answered all my questions openly and with as much detail as I wanted.
Eventually the subject of how much pain she could take came up. He said she could take anything and everything he dished out with barely a reaction. I told him that I could take all that too and he told me point blank, that no, I couldn’t.
This immediately ignited by competitive side. What does he mean I can’t take it? I can take anything and more than that bitch can! I was taken a back by how hurt and pissed off I was about this. Did he now believe I was a wimp? Did he think I was not as good of a submissive as he once thought I was? These thoughts were horrifying to me and my reaction was to fight it. I argued with him and pouted, insisting I could take more. Not my finest submissive moment.
We walked back to my place and I continued on my persistent rant about how I could take more. I would show him. Despite my stubborn insistence’s, Sir was resolute in saying that I could not take as much pain as S could.
I don’t want to make it sound that he was being unjustly cruel. He reminded me that I was better than her in many other ways and that he actually preferred my anxiety and reaction to pain. I appreciated his words but by that point, I was so worked up that all I could think about was how someone was better at one of the most important things in the world to me. To top it off, it was about something physical! I can't count how many times I have said that I refuse to get beat by something requiring my physical abilities.  Especially when it comes to taking as much as I need to in order to insure Sir receives the pleasure he deserves.
At home, Sir had removed my clothes and stood behind me. I could feel the desire to cum rise up inside me and focused on controlling it. The feel of him behind me made me melt into that delicious state that only he can put me in. As I began to literally melt, I felt his fingers pinch me nipples. Hard. I never felt pain that strong before and he wasn’t stopping. As he began to twist them, I cried out in agony. It seemed like forever when he finally let go. He ordered me to the middle of the floor and told me to get into a plank. He then removed his clothes and I heard the swoosh of his belt as he pulled it through the loops. He began to strike me with it as I moved up and down in response to the blows. He told me not to get out of that plank position but to now suck his cock. My arms were so tired but I gulped him down the best I could being very careful of my teeth. I remembered how he said that S gave lousy blowjobs and this made me try even harder to get him down.
I’m not sure how long I stayed in the plank position but I my abs were sore for days afterwards. I fought with everything I had to stay up and take the blows of the belt. I wanted to please him. I wanted him to see my devotion and willingness to never give up. I wanted him to know I was willing to take more pain for him than anyone could including that goddamn Shannon.
All of the sudden my arms gave out and I fell to the floor. Immediately the tears started. He has brought me to tears before but this time was different. I was crying hard. Harder than I ever have before in front of him. I didn’t even try to stop them although I’m fairly certain I wouldn’t have been able to anyway. He had completely broken me and we both knew it. 
The next few moments were a blur. I was in such a state that I couldn’t even think or connect with any thoughts. He told me to go lie face down on the bed. I ran to my room and threw myself down and continue cry hysterically. A few moments later, he came in and laid on top of me and spoke to me in that calm, velvety voice that I can never resist and I felt my orgasm begin to rise again. He asked me if I was crying because the physical pain or emotional. At that moment, I was feeling overwhelmingly emotional so I told him that but looking back now I realized it was both. It took the physical pain to break me and release all the stubbornness and silly pride that I still struggle to give up. Once again, he knew exactly how to play me. Despite my despair, my respect for him grew tremendously that night.
I would like to say that I have totally resigned myself to being second to S in this particular category but it still irks me a bit. This difference is that I now have a different attitude than the one I had the other night. This new one allows me to be just feisty enough to do whatever it takes to bring Sir pleasure but not act like a brat when confronted with something I don't like. He taught me that my strength needs to be poured into my submission and not into being stubborn and disagreeable to him.

When I look back at that night, I now see just how profound it was. I find great satisfaction knowing that Sir and I experienced another break through on  our journey and I am more resolute than ever to someday achieve that elusive state of pure submission.


  1. hi i think i would have left the balls on the table so i would receive some lashes. :) hugs

  2. Believe me Trixie, I definitely thought about leaving some more balls on the table!