I'm not a fan of being vulnerable to people. In fact, I can count on one hand (ok maybe two) the times in my life that I really let myself be wide open to possible hurt. However on my quest to become the most submissive being possible for Sir and to experience the maximum amount of pleasure, I must be open 100% to the pain.
I went to see Sir last night and we had a particularly intense exchange complete with tears brought on by both by physical and psychological pain. Later that night when I got home, I started thinking about the different types of pain. I was curious to which kind of pain he prefers to give so I sent him a text to which he replied "Both".
I started to think about myself and what kind of pain I needed to reach that place in my head where I am completely possessed by him. Did I need both? As torturous as they both can be, the answer was unequivocally, yes.
I then began thinking about what it takes to truly submit to someone. Submission is something that cannot be done properly on a part time basis. At least that is the case for me. I knew pretty early on that I must live my submission in order for it to be successful. It needed to be right under the surface ready to serve at a moment’s notice and it does.
Recently, a woman reached out to me on one of the spinoff boards from Fetlife. She was fairly new to bdsm and was struggling. She was desperate to learn how to be a better submissive. I was flattered she asked my opinion and we chatted online quite a bit. Here are some of the attributes I shared with her. I believe they are vital for a successful submission.
- Give 100%. This is something that many submissives fail to realize. Many believe it means giving only what you want to give or feel like giving. One thing it most definitely is NOT is manipulating the situation to get your way. True submission is acquiescing to his needs. It means going above and beyond...giving unselfishly until it hurts. Both physically and mentally.
- Check your jealousy at the door. When you decide to enter into a dominant/submissive relationship, you must learn to say goodbye to outward expressions of jealousy. Nothing can kill such a relationship faster. Your dominant may decide to have more than one submissive or even vanilla ladies he enjoys. If this is the case, you must learn to deal with it and realize that his relationship with another women does not take away from his relationship with you and may even enhance it. I know this is true for Sir and I. Knowledge of his pleasure from others has actually strengthened the our bond and deepened my submission. This frame of mind does doesn't come naturally. It takes a hell of a lot of work to achieve but I am proof that it is possible. I still struggle with it sometimes but I can usually figure out how to hold it together before too long. It's still a work in progress but I have no doubt I will triumph here.
- Obey your dominant. Nothing tells a dominant you care more than this. Obeying him tells him that you are willing to do anything for him. I have never refused Sir anything. I have hesitated and faltered but eventually I conquered or at least learned to manage my fear so I was able to go forth to please him.
- Respect your dominant. One thing that most dominants will not tolerate is disrespect. No matter what the issue, you must always approach your dominant in a submissive manner and tone. It is fine to disagree or question something, but do it with respect. I am fairly good at this but it definitely took some getting used to.
- Know your self worth. It you think poorly of yourself why should he think any different? You need a fairly high self esteem to be a submissive or else you are probably going to be miserable. I know what I am worth. I know I am a smart, caring, attractive, resourceful person with a lot to offer. I understand quite well that I have a thousand other options but this is what I have chosen for myself. My burning desire is to be dominated and used for his pleasure and I throw everything I am into serving him.
Submission will test your self esteem and you need to be strong to endure it at times. Of course, make sure your Dominant respects you as a fellow human being before you put yourself in such a vulnerable position. I am fortunate in that Sir often reminds me that I am beautiful, smart and amazingly strong. I know he genuinely likes and respects me as a person. I trust him with my life and know he would never be careless with my submission.
I am honored to serve him and all this makes me one lucky bitch :)