Finding Another Submissive Woman to Train and Serve

So as you know, T is quite skilled at coming up with new and exciting challenges designed to make this horny bitch even hornier and help me grow as a person! In my last post, I wrote about how we started a conversation about what it would be like for me to see him with another and I said before, I have mixed emotions about it.

The traditional side of me despises the idea and fills me with rage and jealously. I understand these reactions. Isn’t that how you were supposed to feel when a man whom you desire gives or receives attention from another woman? Isn’t that what society taught me is the appropriate reaction?

Yes. Jealousy and anger, I get. Not that I am a particularly jealous person but in cases such as these, why of course I would be! What caught me off guard were the other feelings this idea aroused in me. Could it be that my new found enlightened kinky side was actually intrigued with this absurd idea? Was my pussy seriously starting to tingle and grow wet in anticipation as I began to allow these thoughts to flow uncensored through my mind? Indeed, it was. It was quite tingly and wet indeed.

As surprising as it was to feel turned on by this, I know exactly why it was. There was no doubt it was directly correlated with my blossoming love of pleasure and pain. How I experience such an incredible charge when these two former polar opposite emotions now blend so effortlessly into one new and amazing sensation. It finally dawned on me that thinking of another woman pleasuring him invoked that same pain and pleasure principal that I have grown so addicted to.
.

I began to embrace the discomfort as well as the arousal that this idea invoked and soon immersed myself in creating a fantasy about another woman fucking him. Soon afterwards, I had a very vivid and lovely dream about myself as well as two other submissive women serving him as we all lived happily together in a beautiful castle. There was that magnificent bond of sisterhood that I love so much between myself and the other women as well as an unwavering devotion to T. In this dream, not only did I worship, obey and serve him as I do now, but the other submissive women did so as well!

When I awoke from the dream in the middle of the night, my mind went over and over the details. I was completely enchanted by this idea of a commune (and I was quite wet as well!). I immediately wrote down everything I could remember about the dream down and emailed it to T.

He was quite pleased and liked the idea a lot! The next time we met, he asked me to pick from the following choices:

- Find anotherman to fuck in front of him

- Find a womanto pleasure in front of him

- Find anothersubmissive woman for him and I to train

So, to behonest, of these things would be very difficult for me. Let’s start first with being with another man. I had an immediate distasteful-reaction to this. I am completely trained to exclusively T’s wants, needs and techniques. How could another man ever satisfy me when I am trained only to orgasm to HIS distinct command? I could not follow another man’s orders. I don’t want to to and even if I did I have doubts that I even could! It seems completely absurd! There is no question that any other man would fail miserably at getting any kind of sexual response out of me. I can’t imagine that our reactions would harmonize what so ever. This option scares the hell out of me and fills me with great anxiety. In fact, of the three, this would absolutely be the last option I would choose.

As for being sexual with a woman? I have no experience what so ever with homosexual relations. None. I love women,. I think their bodies can be amazing works of art and have always related to them far better than men, but sexually? I don’t know. It definitely doesn’t come as naturally as sexual feelings for men do. However, I am considerably more intrigued now than I ever have been in the past with the idea so who knows? I definitely would not rule it out. The other thing pleasure with a woman has going for it is that it is a novel experience and I wouldn’t have the same comparisons that I would surely have if another man attempted to inspire even one tenth of the passion that T does.

Now, that leaves the third and final option. The training of another submissive woman to be worthy enough to serve him. This one was my first choice-immediately. Since my dream, I have often found myself fantasizing about this beautiful, almost utopian society,heavy with an aura of not only sex and obedience but of warmth, caring and intellectual stimulation. I frequently picture myselfin the role of both devoted submissive to T as well as a mentor to the otherwomen. I imagined teaching and enforcing all of his rules along with insuring they obey all of his wishes. I came up with the following list of basic rules to be followed at all times:

• -To be completely cleanly shaven and ready for him at any time.
• -No orgasms, ever, without his explicit permission.
• -Arms and legs are to be kept uncrossed at all times.
• -Learning the fine art of deep throating would behighly revered. Especially the importance of learning to control one’s gag reflex in order to swallow his 8 inch cock completely.
• -He is to be addressed as Sir by all.
• -There would be several rooms in which to sleep and we must always tell him where and at what time we would go to sleep each night.
• -Dress and any adornments would be up to his discretion. (No pants)
• -We are to practice daily with these beautiful jeweled clothespins to suppress the extreme sensitivity our nipples so we can withstand any kind treatment he may want to administer.
• -The absolute number one rule was that we were to be ready to please him any time we were summoned.

These ideas have definitely dominated my fantasies in the last week or so. Yesterday, I told T that I decided that finding a submissive to train would be my choice. He was quite pleased as that was his preferred choice as well.

I have crafted an ad and just started to post it in various places. I have even had one very lovely response already. I look forward towhere this adventure may lead. I have nodoubt it will be a thrilling and sensual experience. All experiences with T are.

Pushing my Limits. What exactly are my Boundaries?

I’ve been thinking about boundaries lately. Pushing my limits and getting out of my comfort zone. T is synonymous with all these things to me and always has been in some capacity. Recently, I was invited to attend a get together at a friend’s where a consultant comes in and pushes her overpriced purses. I always feel like I have to buy at least something at those things despite the fact that never in a million years would I have bought it myself for that price in a department store.

T has a way of texting me things that in an instant, light a fire of all consuming desire in the neural pathways of my brain and sends my pussy into a constant state of alarm. Maybe I should just call him Pavlov? His words are a bell and my body is the salivating dog.

All that aside, from first thing that morning when I texted him my outfits to choose from, until the time I went to the party, there were several texts from him that served to ramp up my horniness, including requesting I touch myself at work (but no orgasm!) and telling me of his recent fantasy where I am laying on his floor after he just fucked me waiting to be summoned again by him. He knows quite well how horribly distracted I get from his words and boy was I ever distracted that day!

By the time I got to the party, my brain and body were so completely saturated with that constant yearning that only he can inspire. I could have most likely come on command (which is something I’ve been researching heavily and will write about more very soon)but would never, ever do that without his permission.

I told him quite explicitly just how wound up and sexually ravenous he was making me and a hour before the party started I received the following text from him:

“Good. Be frenzied. Find someone at the party who you’d want me to fuck in front of you and tell me about your thoughts.”

At exactly the same moment, jealously spread though out my brain and my pussy became noticeably wetter and even more aroused. How could something make me so defensive and jealous while at the same time make my body respond with such intense sexual reactions? Could this be because pleasure and pain are so intertwined in my body as well as my mind? The scientist in me wants to know why I react this way. Why I crave it like a drug. I search endlessly for the answer but it always seems to elude me.

I take his requests VERY seriously and this would be no exception. I now was over the top horny and on a mission to find just the right woman. For the most part, the party included mostly women anywhere from their early thirties to senior citizens. I quickly zeroed in on the two most obvious candidates which I soon reduced to the one perfect woman for our mutual fantasy. I texted him my choice and briefly how it made me feel and followed it up at home with the email below:

Dear T,

So, to tell you a little bit about our Sarah. She is warm, sweet and
sexy woman but as I've gotten to know her better, I have noticed
that like with most people, things are seldom as they appear.
She is only 32 and has been married since her late teens, having
her first child before she turned 21. She is a stay at home mom and
her kids are in school all day. I have seen the slightest of cracks
in her demeanor that make me wonder if she is perhaps a bit discontent
with her life. Maybe she feels like she missed out on a lot of experiences?

She is about 5'2 and definitely on the curvy side. She will say
she could probably stand to lose a few pounds but she doesn't
come across as fat to me, just earthy and voluptuous. She has
very large breasts and these seem to be what she likes to showcase.
She has very thick, long chestnut brown hair, sparkling eyes
and an infectious smile that while not perfect, radiates charm
and intelligence. She is the kind of person that becomes more
and more attractive as you get to know her.

I get the feeling she would be very sensual and attentive in bed. I
imagine that she would be on top while fucking you. It is light in
the room and I see myself watching the ecstasy and sheer amazement
spread across her face and expressive eyes as she experiences you, a
lover far greater that she ever, even in her wildest fantasies, could
have imagined existed.

She is not a tall woman and I imagine she might feel a little pain
because of your huge cock. It hurts her at first but soon this pain
begins to morph into pleasure and she begins to just lose complete
control. Soon, just like I have every time you fucked me, she falls
into an earth shattering, life changing orgasm. I keep going back to
how her face changes throughout the process and I find my pussy
getting wetter as I think about it.

My feelings about this are complicated. I am so trained by you as
well as by myself to want to bring you pleasure at whatever the cost.
Knowing you are turned brings me waves of endorphins I never could
have dreamed. I want it. I crave it. It's like a drug. I take your
sexual pleasure very seriously and would do anything to satisfy you.
I can't explain or even fully understand why this is but I accept it
as fact and honestly I wouldn't want it any other way.

Then, there is the other part of me. This part would be jealous and
angry by seeing you enjoying her breasts, your cock hard and ready
for her pussy, her lips on the body that has the power to instantly
turn me into an orgasmic mess. Maybe I would want to grab her by
the hair and rip her off of you. Then while she lay stunned on the floor,
I would turn to devour you with those uncontrollable urges only you
know how to inspire in me.

So as you can see, these emotions are on opposite ends of the spectrum
but I feel them both so strongly! It is so strange to me. How is it
that I could feel both extremes so intensely? It doesn't make sense
or seem rational but yet it is how I feel and what is making me so
fucking horny that I am nearly the point that I can't stand it much
longer!

I think in the end I would be open to experiencing this and that I
would indeed be able to process and control myself. I believe
I have the capacity to actually accept and even savor my jealousy
and competitiveness as well as my intense pleasure that floods me
when I know you are pleased.

It dawned on me that this experience would be very similar to that
blending of pleasure and pain that you bring me in bed, which
as you know for me, compares to nothing else. You inspire me to
push myself and to try so many things…

Betsy

In reality, I don’t know if this will ever happen. However, I have come to realize that if he does desire it, I will take whatever means necessary to bring it to life and completely immerse myself in both the pain and pleasure that the encounter will most surely bring. To date, I have not had a single regret with anything I have experienced with him and have no reason to believe this would be an any exception to that.

Why Some Strong Women Crave Sexual Submission

Sexual submission is a topic that was once taboo; it was only discussed by those “in the know” in
certain fetish groups and online communities. Recently though, with the popularity of the “Shades
of Grey” series of books, more women are looking at submission as a way to add spice to their sex
life. Women now whisper about submission with their girlfriends, or mention these fantasies to their
significant others. When the mainstream media sees a new trend it pounces on it and BDSM seems to be the new flavor of the month.

Surprisingly, there are more strong career-minded women who are sexually submissive than many
people think. Many of these women spend all day making the calls in the boardroom, or working as
doctors, lawyers or in other high-profile positions. During the day, they make their employees tremble
with a sharp word or look. So, why are things different in the bedroom?

Much of human's enjoyment of sex is fantasy. Women who are strong and commanding during the
day may wish to give up this power at night and spend time letting someone else make the calls.
Submission with the right partner allows a woman to give up control, in a safe way. Those who haven't
experienced the act of full submission in the bedroom may not fully understand, but it takes away the
need to think and question every move. A submissive is not worried about her enjoyment, because that enjoyment comes from fulfilling that special dominants wishes. She simply does as she's told and “enjoys the ride.”

Submitting to a partner is a fantasy of many women, whether one they voice or choose to keep
internalized. The important thing to remember is that fantasizing, or even acting on these fantasies with
a safe partner, doesn't make a woman any less strong and able. I believe it is the opposite actually. A woman needs to be secure and in touch enough with herself to even begin to explore this lifestyle. She needs to be able to understand that feminism is a woman's right to choose what makes her happy and if being dominated by a strong man in the bedroom is what gets her juices flowing then that is what she should seek out. Exchange of power scenarios are simply another way to explore sexual energy and emotions between a couple. As long as it is safe, sane and consensual that it is a beautiful thing.

As for me, in all other realms of my life, I am painfully in control. I carefully plan and orchestrate everything from paying my bills to planning a vacation. I purposefully take on lots of responsibility because it is just the way I've always been. Honestly though, it is stressful and a lot of pressure! Although I never realized it before, I needed an outlet! Being submissive to the man who I trust explicitly and who has been my lover or friend in some capacity for almost four years now has been incredible. I have reached heights in both my body and mind that I never could have imagined. I have become a more confident and satisfied woman.

There is no one way to be submissive and I love the endless creativity it provokes. I have given him complete control of my pussy or as we both refer to it now, "his pussy". I don't not play with it and most definitely do not have an orgasm without his expressed permission. Many days he also decides my dress and whether or not undergarments should be worn. As crazy as it sounds, this makes me insane with desire! He has also given me many unique challenges over the last few months, including orgasming in public, learning to deep throat, and pleasuring myself in front of virtual stranger at a BDSM club. These are definitely things that never would have crossed my mind that anyone would do, much less me! Even though we stumbled into this lifestyle together, he is so proficient that you would think he has been doing it for years.

I don't know what the future holds with T and part of this dominant/submissive relationship is not trying to control or worry about it. I find a lot of solace in that. I now think about what it would be like to have a normal, vanilla, sexual relationship now and I'm not sure I could go back to that. The heights of excitement have been set pretty high.

A Challenge from Him: Learning to Deep Throat

One of the great myths of being a sexually submissive woman is that you cannot or will not think for yourself. I for one, can’t emphasize enough how false this myth is! In the months since I have chosen to love and embrace the submissive tendencies of my sexuality, my creativity, productivity, imagination and maybe most importantly, my sexual satisfaction has been off the charts! The deliberate decision to surrender my sexuality to a dominant and sexually superior man, a man who I trust with every fiber of my being, has been one of the most intense and liberating experiences of my life.

The act of submission is a very psychologically complex concept for which there are as many meanings as there are individuals. For me personally, a fundamental part of this process is the unwavering desire to fulfill every single one of his carnal requests. Once I allowed myself permission to let go of what society says a woman should feel and instead listened to my inner desires, I crossed into this dimension of sexuality that I never even dreamed exist. The mere thought of pleasing him alone became enough to bring me to the brink of orgasm. I would part seas to make even his slightest sexual inclination a reality and it all felt so right. So pure and so true. So, as you can imagine, when he asked for me to learn to take his entire 8 inch cock down my throat, I agreed eagerly and without hesitation.

Now, despite my obsessional and overwhelming desire to do this for him, deep down, I must admit, I was more than a little concerned. This man is not your average guy in any way and penis size is no exception! According to Web MD, the average size of the penis is 5-6 inches. This specimen of sexual perfection measures in at a whopping 8 inches! Now, I always knew his cock was much larger than any I had ever come across in my years here on this earth but over 25 percent? That was a substantial amount! This task was no doubt a daunting one but I knew I would do whatever it took to find a way to accomplish this mission.

Now, I absolutely worship his glorious, over sized cock. Nothing has ever even come close to giving me so much pleasure! It is truly a treasure that legends are made of. Over the years, I have been blessed to have been fucked hundreds of times by him and in every single instance, I've experienced a beautiful and intense orgasm. I kid you not and I will say it again. I have climaxed every single time he has fucked me. So now maybe you can understand when I say a man of his stature and ability deserves nothing but very best and I was going to do whatever it took give it to him.

Up to the point of this request, I had only been able to take about 4 to 5 inches down. As soon as I went any further than this, I immediately started gagging. How would I ever conquer this task? Anxiety started to flood my veins and I responded by researching this subject with a passionate fervor. I googled every possible combination of words. I searched for any morsel of knowledge that that may hold the magic recipe.

- How to swallow a cock whole

- How to deep throat

- How to suck a whole penis

God love the internet! I don't remember what I did before it came along but it couldn't have been easy. I found quite a bit of useful information but here are the highlights:

- Squeeze your left thumb tightly in you left palm.

- The best position to get it down is to lie on your back with you head hanging over the side.

- Keep swallowing

- Dramamine for nausea

- Throat numbing spray to relax the gagging reflex.

- Cover his cock with lube (I got a delicious one from Lover's) so it can glide easily down your throat.

- Suppress your gag reflex with a toothbrush. I will talk more about this later.

- Stick flatten your tongue as if the doctor was using a tongue depressor. Slick your tongue out so the tip is below your bottom lip.

- Breathe out as the penis is going down your throat.

- Don't panic!

The adult esophagus is 10-14 inches long and 1 inch wide so there is no physical reason this feat can't be accomplished! Almost every article warned that suppressing the gag reflex is not a skill that is learned over night and it could take weeks to accomplish. I didn't like this of course because I wanted him to have this pleasure NOW but I soon found out that this is a process in which I indeed did need to have patience.

Of all the advice I received, the most helpful has to be "training the gag reflex with your tooth brush" and this soon became a daily ritual for me. After I brush my tongue, I reach back with the head of my toothbrush until I feel myself gag. I then stop and leave it in place for 10 seconds. During this time, I concentrate on my breathing. I do this every time I brush my teeth and I almost never gag any more!

Despite doing all these things, the real test was actually performing deep throat on him in all his 8 inch glory. I am happy to report, that I have been able to get him all the way down my throat. However, my work is far from over. I still can't take him down repeatedly until he reaches orgasm. I believe the only way I can actually achieve this is with practice and I will always happy to comply with that :)

A Poem About Submission

There is something about
Being pushed up against a wall, by a strong, forceful hand
The hard cold surface of the cement against my cheekbone.
Breath caught in my throat
Hearing the growling in my ear
And trying to remember my own name

There is something about
Being held by the neck of your throat
Back flat up against the wall
Staring straight into eyes that see through you
Swallowing hard
Waiting for your heart to start beating again

There is something about
Being made to crawl across the floor
at his command, feeling the burn of the carpet punish my knees.
My mind determined to make him proud
Not hesitating, even for a second
Drawing me to Him without a word
Trembling, a whimper caught in my throat

There is something about
Being pulled roughly by my hair
Feeling that hand slink up my neck
Into my tresses, close to the scalp
Grabbing, gripping it, guttural sounds emitting from His lips
The pain not nearly as strong as the urge
The urge to obey and see my every move as part of his orchestra

There is something about
Being bitten
Pain searing through my nipple
Feeling His teeth may just pierce me
Wondering, as I cry out, if He will this time
Wondering, if I will to bleed for my Submission

There is something about
Being bent over the the counter, without warning
Without pretense, without question
My skirt flipped up, cool air hitting my hot skin
My cheeks blushing, with the same color as my ass
As He warms it with the striking of the palm of His hand
The pain searing through my brain and out to every nerve ending
Overwhelmed not by the pain but because someone has finally reached me

There is something about
Being slapped across the face
Not backhanded, but a firm crisp slap to bring about
A change in behavior
A change in attitude
To make that lovely wail come from deep in my chest
I long to make it, as He longs to hear it

There is something about
Those words He uses
Those names He calls me.
His whore, his slut, his play toy
Those phrases meant to elicit a response
And I do respond
And as always, my body betrays me.

There is something about
Being thrown down and taken
Not against my will
For my will is to be there
To please, to submit, to offer, to relinquish
And as I cry out for breath, for more, for Him
I know I am finally free.

There is something about
Kneeling quietly beside Him
My body alive with both pleasure and pain
My mind silent, for once
My head bowed, eyes closed
My lips quivering as His fingers touch me
My submission, unquestioned
My Peace at Hand

How It All Began

As I look back in retrospect, there are most definitely signs that a sexually submissive woman has lived inside of me for a long time. I'm not sure if it was by a perfect storm of events, serendipity or simply a fluke that my exploration into this crazy way of life began, all I know is that it is way too intriguing to stop now.

It was August of 2008 and I had moved to Seattle with my family one year before for my then husband's job. I'm not going to go into what a horrible match he was for me but let's just say I was definitely not happy and in retrospect, I guess I never really had been. We had been married for 12 years and being the persistent and stubborn son of a bitch I am, I always did whatever it took to make it work and keep the peace. This often included completely ignoring any of my own needs so I wouldn't have to deal with his garbage. He was a very domineering man but neither in my mind nor spirit, had I ever completely acquiesced to his control. Looking back, I now know that I probably subconsciously picked him because of this deeply ingrained, although not yet discovered desire to be sexually dominated. I just didn't have the self-awareness that I have now to know that it was actually my sexual needs that required this, not the tiresome, minute details of life.

I have known the man who I have entrusted to dominate and control my sexuality for almost four years now. This man not is the husband of whom I speak. For the purposes of my writing, I will call this man T. The way we met is not what you would call sweet, romantic or the stuff romance novels are made of but the longer I live, the more I realize my life was most likely not meant to be typical or the norm anyway.

The cold, ugly truth is that I met T on Ashley Madison. Yes, I met him on a website that promotes affairs for married people. Would I have been on there if I was happily married or had a partner where I felt free to communicate and explore all my crazy desires with? No, probably not. Was it wrong for me to be there? Yes, it probably was. I'm not here to make excuses or debate the morality of the whole situation but it happened and I have to admit I don't regret it. At times, I feel guilty that I don't regret it, but the truth is that I simply don't. I do however regret the hurt I caused my family and I realize now, I should have just ended the marriage before I explored anything else. The breakup was a long, ugly process but I firmly believe it was for the best. I am happy say that now we have learned to make our limited communication for the most part productive and life is peaceful for now.

As for the story of T and I? Our journey has been a long and arduous one to say the least. I won't go into all the details but I will just say that in nearly four crazy years, our sexual chemistry has never waned. In fact, just the opposite, it has hit heights I never dreamed existed! I will swear on my mother's grave, there has not been even ONE time that I did not achieve an orgasm with this man. Not one! In my past sexual encounters, I was never a very orgasmic, sexual woman, which makes it even all the more amazing.

Besides being incredibly sexually talented, he is also a smart, funny and highly charismatic person whom I have always enjoyed talking to and  spending time with. He instinctively seems to understand my fantasies and always encourages me to embrace them.  He is a natural leader and without fail has been able to turn every last one of them into a reality. Thanks to him, I have become in touch with my sexual side and let me tell you, I had no idea what I had been missing all these years!

For the first time in my life, I do not plot and dream of what the future may bring. I neither know, nor do I care to think about how this story will unfold. Part of my submission is that I have relinquished any control over my sexuality. It is up to him when and if he has his way with me and what that encounter may entail. It is also in his power when and if I may pleasure myself and I must always obtain his permission before hand.

This sexual domination seems to come so easily to him. I never sense hesitation or insecurity in his authority of me, only a calm, commanding presence. It is like he was born to be a dominant and has been doing it for a hundred years. I have a hard time imagining anyone else having the power or expertise to reign in the sexual tornado that is me and for all these reasons, and many more, I have given him the gift of my submission.