My new Kegel Balls

After reading Bonnie's hot experience bonniegetsspanked.blogspot.com with Kegel balls, I couldn't stop thinking about trying them out for myself. I mentioned to Sir how this turned me on and he encouraged me to go out and get some.

 

Of course, the next day I rushed right out to the closest sex store and bought some. It came with two of them in the package. One with one ball and the other with two. It also came with an extra ball with nothing connected to it. I'm still not quite sure how that works...

 

Since I would never use them without permission, I went on with my day getting increasingly horny until I couldn't stand it anymore and texted Sir a picture of my new purchase. 

 

He said I was free to play with them and have one orgasm as long as I sent pictures. Sounded like a great deal to me!

 

I tried the one ball first. It wasn't too bad but didn't give me a lot of pressure. Then I tried the one with two balls and that was awesome! I love the full feeling and how it constantly reminds me to use my kegel muscles.

 

I quickly took some interesting pictures and was able to orgasm immediately. Sir said he will soon have me go out and about while using them. I can't wait! Thanks again for the idea Bonnie!

Ten Minutes to cum twice

Last night when I texted T that I was going to bed, I didn't see his follow up text telling me to send two outfits so he may choose what I was to wear the next day. So when I finally saw it this morning, after I had already arrived at work, I felt a rush of panic sweep over me.

I immediately texted him and told him about this unfortunate over site and that I fully expected repercussions for my carelessness. I asked if it would be ok to go home at lunch and take photos so he could choose. He texted back that this would be acceptable.

Around 11:30, I went into the restroom and took a picture of myself in the black top and tan skirt I was wearing and sent it to him with a text promising another outfit shortly. I only live a few blocks away from work so I headed home and soon I had photo of a second outfit which was the one he later chose for me. 

Sometimes he allows me to go pantiless in this situation so I texted him up ask, hoping he would allow it but his answer was no. So, back to the office I went. 

I should preface this by saying that my normal, baseline state, without any stimulus is horny. I wake up horny, am horny all day and horny all the way up to bedtime. Hell, I'm sure I am even horny while I'm sleeping! Whenever I hear from T, it immediately skyrockets. This combined with wearing what he chose for me and I was starting to feel very distracted.

I finally was getting back into my work when the following text came in.

"Go fuck yourself now... You may cum twice in the next 10 minutes if you can manage... Keep underwear off"

All of the sudden everything just melted away and all I could think about was having two orgasms and how I could get this done! I texted him back thanking him profusely, set the timer on my phone, grabbed my keys and practically ran to my car. I drove the 4 blocks home and as if a guardian angel was looking after me, I even found a parking spot right out front.

I rushed in, slamming the door behind me, pulling my panties down as I bounced back onto the bed. I was so turned on but I also was anxious knowing  that time was ticking down. Orgasms are such a precious commodity and it causes me great distress to waste even one. I concentrated very hard. I thought about how it would feel if he was fucking me right now, twisting my nipples and grabbing the flesh on my inner thighs. That's all it took, my first orgasm came hard and fast.

As I lie there, recovering, I remembered the second orgasm. I had to have it. I couldn't let it just disappear into oblivion. I started tensing my body and letting my imagination run wild. I thought about the time he had me restrained on his closet door, ball gag in my mouth and a stick holding in my legs apart with strict instructions not to let it drop. God! The sex after that was simply amazing! 

I could feel the orgasm rising fast and just  as I could feel its presence seconds away, the alarm on my phone started beeping.

This had to be a joke. The thought crossed my mind to just keep going. I would only need a few more seconds but as quick as the thought popped in my head, it disappeared. My body shut down. That was it. He said I could cum twice only if I could do it in 10 minutes but I couldn't, so that was it. I say up dazed and pulled up my skirt. 

What a strange sensation I was feeling. I had a desperately needed orgasm and felt that beautiful, relaxing feeling but by immediately getting getting myself riled up again without release, my body was confused.  I walked back to the car exhilarated. Feeling like I had been zapped with 100 volts of electricity. The afterglow balanced out my horniness on the rise. 

As I walked into the office, a coworker looked at me with curiosity and asked:

"Why are you so happy? You look like you just won the lottery! Hey, weren't you wearing something different earlier?"

I just smiled and walked away. I am one lucky bitch.

 

 

Rituals you can practice to prove your dedication to your Submission

Rituals are very important when you are submissive. The repetitiveness keeps the brain wired to that habit. It also keeps you focused on serving your dominant. Here are a few ideas on how to prove just how dedicated you are to serving him.

 

Tokens of servitude - This can be a collar, jewelry or something that you can wear. These  items symbolize giving up control of your sexual being to him. Each day the you would be be required to wear something given to her by her Dom that symbolizes his ownership of you. It doesn't have to be just one item. As long as you are wearing something that was given to you by him each and every day, this would be sufficent. I believe this is an excellent reinforcement of submission. T has been so generous to his horny bitch which makes this ritual very easy for me. I have multiple necklace's, earrings, nipple ring, scarf, clothes and panties from him. More than enough to be able to wear at least one of them every day. The obvious idea behind this is that you are reminded that he controls you every time you see the item you are wearing.

Choosing your outfit for the day -  This can be either by having him choose between two outfits you to present him or if knows your wardrobe well, having him simply tell you "Wear_____ today."

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First thing in the morning and last thing before bed rituals - To many, this are the most important times to reinforce submission. They are designed so it is the first thing you think of in the morning and the last thing your think about before going to sleep. One such ritual, we do is texting when I am going to bed. I have been a bit liberal about it lately and sometimes continue to do things after I have told him I am going to bed. As of this writing, I am making the vow to only text after I have done everything I need to do and I am going straight to sleep. Other such rituals include a morning text, chanting (kind of strange to me....), or a ritualized bedtime routine. Some other things that would only apply you lived together, are waking him every morning by sucking his cock or kneeling next to the bed each night and asking his permission to join him. Those last two make me especially wet when I think about them!

Menial tasks - This would include activities like cleaning, running errands or any pretty much any task your Dom may need done. Serving him dinner falls under this category and is one of my personal favorites. I have found this incredibly fulfilling to my need to serve even though it has been fairly difficult for me to pull off with much poise and grace! It requires me to concentrate during the absolute height of my horniness which is something I clearly need work on. Every time I have made dinner for him, I later remember of all the things I forgot or didn't get right and can't believe how scattered I had been all because I could not focus during my heightened state of arousal. Practicing and hopefully one day perfecting this would be a huge milestone in my goal to master self-control. My ideal would be able to concentrate long enough to present a whole meal to him flawlessly. I don't want to suppress my horniness though rather just manage it. Other ideas in this category could only be used if you lived with your Dom. Some examples would be bringing him breakfast or coffee in bed each morning, waking him in a unique and repetive way, drawing a bath etc

Research and write a weekly report on a new subject - Either the Dom or Sub would pick one subject per week (or month) that has something to do with domination, submission, sex, or other bdsm related topics.You would then write an informative report on it to present to him. The possible topics are endless. I like this idea mostly because the subject matter is of great interest to me and because I am a weirdo that likes to write reports! The paper would be due on the exact same day every week. This is a great opportunity to learn new ideas or fun things to do in the lifestyle. Buying, using and reviewing a new sex toy would be another variation on this.

Offering of Sub to others - Here the Dom reserves the right to give you to others to use as he sees fit. We have discussed this quite a bit lately and ithas caused me a lot of anxiety. It feels erotic and somewhat right to share T with a woman. There is something that really turns me on to think of him telling me exactly what I should do to her. If he says to kiss her, I would kiss her. If he says to lick her pussy, I would do so without hesitation as well as without promoting my own agenda. However, the thought of being with a man absolutely terrifies me. I can only imagine how awkward that would be. Again, not all Dom's like to share so if that is the case, this wouldn't be for you. This act holds a limited appeal to me but as the obedient little slut I am, if he decides to share me, be it with a woman or with a man, I will obey without hesitation or complaint.

Learn the art of body massage - One submissive woman I met, just recently signed up for a class on this and told me it was not too late to register if I was interested. I would enjoy learning massage because it such a sensual act and would be so relaxing for him. The benefit of this is that not only would it  be an act of serving but it would also require me to practice extreme restraint, something I consistently struggle with. Simply seeing him makes me lose immediate control of any sexual restraint. To have to strategically massage him without losing my focus and without attempting to manipulate him into fucking me immediately would be horribly difficult! I was told that massage is very task oriented when you know what you are doing. It’s not just rubbing anywhere for however long you feel like it but a process that requires time and precision.

 Gifts to your Dom - This includes either things or people to play with. I personally love other women and would love to find a long term relationship with one to compliment my relationship with T. Because of the time and effort involved as well as intimacy and acceptance needed, this is a very strong reinforcement of submission. Included here would be progress report. It helps me stay organized and keep track of the where iI am in the process of wooing any given woman. I know that not everybody has an open relationship and would never dream of sharing your Dom with other women but for those who do, it shows how seriously you takes his pleasure and the lengths that you will go to find him a plaything or even better, a new ongoing relationship for you both.

 Watching your Dom fuck someone - This would also include knowing that D is fucking someone and processing all the details. This has been a huge adrenaline rush for me and has expanded both my pain and pleasure thresholds. I been with T when he fucked someone but the it is the times he texts me moments before he is going to fuck someone surprisingly invokes more emotion. This may be due to being deprived of being fucked myself which causes wrenched envy or just a case of my deviant imagination running wild and my body responding to it. Whatever the cause, I have learned an incredible amount about myself from both scenario's. I desperately would like further opportunities to experience this mind altering experience as I know the room for my personal growth is still enormous in both situations. I am looking forward to taking it a step further and seeing him out with someone, then leaving knowing that he will be fucking her shortly. Simply seeing a picture of the woman he was going to be with stepped up the reaction \quite a bit so it will be interesting to see what physically seeing both of them together in person will be like. I also think about what it would be like to see him fuck someone in person who didn't know I was there while I must sit by quietly and watch. If we wanted to add a step before that, I could try this while watching remotely by camera as well.

These are just a few ideas's you can try to cement your submission but the possiblities are really never ending especially when you have deviant minds like T and I do :)

Crying during an intense sexual experience

I actually cried during an intense sexual experience. There it is, in black and white for anyone to see. I still am not 100% sure why I was moved to tears during one of most intimate encounters you can have with another human being but I am starting to understand it little by little. I do know that something emotional was shaken loose at this time even though its exact definition and cause are still vague.

I should start by saying that I am not a crier. Especially not in front of anybody else. In my family or with anyone who knows me, I have always been seen as the strong one and I take a certain amount of pride in that. It's part of my identity.

For years, I was in a relationship where it wasn't safe to express negative emotions. No frustration, no anger, no sadness. If I did, it was met with either disappointment, shame, ridicule, or down right anger. I am not one to naturally express these emotions much anyway but soon I stopped almost completely.

As if losing the capacity to express such vital human emotions wasn't bad enough, I began to lose the positive emotions like passion and elation as well. I was even keeled all the time. I never let go enough to fully feel either pain or pleasure. I  lived my life simply doing what I needed to do. 

It is only in the last few years have I begun to recognize that this has been a long time problem for me. I tended to avoid anger, minimize injustices, hide myself away when I am depressed, refuse to ask for help, and would rarely reveal when I was hurt or scared. I shunned anything that could be portrayed as weak.

After years of living like this, it isn't any surprise that it would all eventually blend together, building and building until it finally burst. The end of that relationship came quickly. I had reached the point of no return. I was done and to this day,  I honestly believe that leaving saved my very essence as a human being.

So, there I was. Free at last. Despite my new found freedom, I  know damn well that I had years upon years of stuffed anger, frustration and resentment were corked deep within me. Years of none of my needs being met quite the way I needed them to; my emotional, physical, social, intellectual, and spiritual needs unattended, even my freedom of self-expression has been squelched. Despite all of the positive effects that came from choosing to fully live my own life has brought me, I still had a deep rooted fear of all this pent up negativity. I feared that if I gave in to it, I would lose my mind; have a nervous breakdown, or explode in ball of fury. I knew I needed a safe way to release it. I needed a safe avenue to explore my need to serve and please without being suffocated

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If is safe to say that when it comes to relationships, everything I tried up to this point has been a miserable failure. Wasn't I supposed to be happy in some long term, monogamous, vanilla relationship? Why couldn't I be content marrying a rich doctor, moving to Mercer Island and attending endless cocktail parties and tennis dates? Scheduling missionary sex for every other Saturday night? Wouldn't my life be better that way? Perhaps in theory it should be, but unfortunately not for me. I now know, unequivocally, that I need more.

Today, as I control and manage my own life. I can't even begin to count how many balls I juggle at any given time or I just may drop them all. I do know that the only person I can truly count on is myself. Good or bad, that us the way it is and I am comfortable that way.

But no man is an island and my submission is one of the few places that I don't need or even want this control. I love how that while I am in this head space, I become this base creature, only experiencing the physical pleasure and pain of what he has decided will be. I exclusively follow his plan and his agenda. Who  could have guessed the unmatchable high and the libido that would rival any teenage boy out there!

This journey has freed me in so many way despite how counter intuitive it sounds. How can submitting to another, giving up control and blindly obeying, free someone? Strange as it may seem, submission has taken me on a journey through the darkest parts of the sexual beast that is me: my hunger ,my lust, and my desire to connect with my darker hidden self through the flesh of another.

I have found a satisfaction in submitting than is rivaled by nothing else. I have even discovered that I  take pride in my own debasement. By  surrendering my will and ego to him, I have become liberated. in a way that is almost spiritual. I once read that pain and other emotional trauma can advance spirtual/pyschological causes. I thought that was just the rambling of one of those crazy, new age types but I've come to understand.

This is not to say it has been an easy journey. In fact, at times it has been down right painful, both physically and emotionally. Now before anyone gets distressed let me make clear, that while I have felt pain, it's a great pain, and I like suffering for great results
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I have learned to be vulnerable. I know that he has the capacity to destroy me but I completely trust him not to. He did not get my submission by force, manipulation or by crushing my will but instead by inspiring respect and obedience. He inspires a passion that makes every encounter is a rush, with a range of emotions that astonishes me. After I am with him in a sexual situation, the release is so great that I am exhausted, often for days, and need to sleep.

So, the other night, during a rather intense encounter and without warning, I broke down and cried.
I am still tying to pinpoint exactly why the tears started flowing. On this particular night, I had quickly  reached the state, where instead of being buried deep, down inside like they usually are, my emotions lingered right at the surface.

As we were in bed,  he brought up a subject that has been very difficult for me to accept. He asked once again if I would suck a man's cock if he told me to. I felt the disgust well up on me at the thought of this repugnant act. I broke his gaze and instinctively pulled ever so slightly back without answering his question. This is when I felt a sharp slap land square on my left cheek.

The tears began to fall immediately. In retrospect, I can see now that this was the very moment signaling my complete handover of control.

Emotion seemed to pour out of every cell in my body. I was completely caught off guard by this. My very first thought was that my tears were due to the pain of a slap but I had taken that and more many other times without a second thought.

My next thought was about how my hesitation and lack of immediate compliance much have disappointed and frustrated him so. He does not like to have to tell me something twice, nor should he have to. We had been over this subject more than once and I knew better than to hesitate like that. What the hell was wrong with me? Hadn't I been warned repeatedly that resistance when discussing this subject would not be tolerated?  My anger at myself just made the tears come faster. I hated disappointing him.

Then, came the horrifying realization that I was actually crying! Right here in the middle of this most amazing sex, I was bawling like a baby. Who had I become?

He asked me what was wrong but I honestly wasn't sure. He suggested that maybe I was crying because the slap hurt? Yes, it had hurt but I was fairly certain that wasn't why I was crying. Was it his disappointment in my lack of instant compliance? I figured this had to be why but deep down, I wasn't completely convinced.

As I desperately searched for an answer, he told me to get off of him. Fear spread throughout my body like poison. I was embarrassed and my body quickly filled with a self loathing I have rarely experienced. He held me while I tried to stop crying but to my horror, the  harder I tried to stop, the harder I cried. I cursed myself. I was stronger than this. All my worse fears rose to the surface. I had freaked him out by acting like a silly little girl. I could tell he was surprised at my reaction. Maybe it was my own paranoia but I felt him pull away. I was mortified.

We talked. I explained how I hated to disappoint him. He wanted an answer to why I was crying and so did  I. I now know it wasn't just one event that precipitated my reaction. It was the culmination of the past, my fear of failure, the raw intensity of the situation and my unyielding dedication of my submission to him.

I have since learned that my reaction was a positive thing. At that moment, I evolved as a person and a sexual being more than I ever dreamed possible .This journey has taught me more about life and myself than maybe anything ever has. I don't know what the future holds for me and for the first time in my life, it doesn't even matter. For now, I will embrace my life and the beauty and wonder it holds. Giving my submission to someone who seems to always innately know just how to play me has made this experience the stuff legends are made of and for that, I will be forever grateful to my Sir.