Being the best submissive bitch I can be

I'm not a fan of being vulnerable to people. In fact, I can count on one hand (ok maybe two) the times in my life that I really let myself be wide open to possible hurt. However on my quest to become the most submissive being possible for Sir and to experience the maximum amount of pleasure, I must be open 100% to the pain.

 

I went to see Sir last night and we had a particularly intense exchange complete with tears brought on by both by physical and psychological pain. Later that night when I got home, I started thinking about the different types of pain. I was curious to which kind of pain he prefers to give so I sent him a text to which he replied "Both".

 

I started to think about myself and what kind of pain I needed to reach that place in my head where I am completely possessed by him. Did I need both? As torturous as they both can be, the answer was unequivocally, yes.

I then began thinking about what it takes to truly submit to someone. Submission is something that cannot be done properly on a part time basis. At least that is the case for me. I knew pretty early on that I must live my submission in order for it to be successful. It needed to be right under the surface ready to serve at a moment’s notice and it does.

 

Recently, a woman reached out to me on one of the spinoff boards from Fetlife. She was fairly new to bdsm and was struggling. She was desperate to learn how to be a better submissive. I was flattered she asked my opinion and we chatted online quite a bit. Here are some of the attributes I shared with her. I believe they are vital for a successful submission. 

 

- Give 100%. This is something that many submissives fail to realize. Many believe it means giving only what you want to give or feel like giving. One thing it most definitely is NOT is manipulating the situation to get your way. True submission is acquiescing to his needs. It means going above and beyond...giving unselfishly until it hurts. Both physically and mentally.

 

- Check your jealousy at the door. When you decide to enter into a dominant/submissive relationship, you must learn to say goodbye to outward expressions of jealousy. Nothing can kill such a relationship faster. Your dominant may decide to have more than one submissive or even vanilla ladies he enjoys. If this is the case, you must learn to deal with it and realize that his relationship with another women does not take away from his relationship with you and may even enhance it. I know this is true for Sir and I. Knowledge of his pleasure from others has actually strengthened the our bond and deepened my submission. This frame of mind does doesn't come naturally. It takes a hell of a lot of work to achieve but I am proof that it is possible. I still struggle with it sometimes but I can usually figure out how to hold it together before too long. It's still a work in progress but I have no doubt I will triumph here.

 

- Obey your dominant. Nothing tells a dominant you care more than this. Obeying him tells him that you are willing to do anything for him. I have never refused Sir anything. I have hesitated and faltered but eventually I conquered or at least learned to manage my fear so I was able to go forth to please him. 

 

- Respect your dominant. One thing that most dominants will not tolerate is disrespect. No matter what the issue, you must always approach your dominant in a submissive manner and tone. It is fine to disagree or question something, but do it with respect. I am fairly good at this but it definitely took some getting used to. 

 

- Know your self worth. It you think poorly of yourself why should he think any different? You need a fairly high self esteem to be a submissive or else you are probably going to be miserable. I know what I am worth. I know I am a smart, caring, attractive, resourceful person with a lot to offer. I understand quite well that I have a thousand other options but this is what I have chosen for myself. My burning desire is to be dominated and used for his pleasure and I throw everything I am into serving him. 

Submission will test your self esteem and you need to be strong to endure it at times. Of course, make sure your Dominant respects you as a fellow human being before you put yourself in such a vulnerable position. I am fortunate in that Sir often reminds me that I am beautiful, smart and amazingly strong. I know he genuinely likes and respects me as a person. I trust him with my life and know he would never be careless with my submission. 

I am honored to serve him and all this makes me one lucky bitch :)

A gathering of submissive women

Recently, I have been expanding my horizons in the bdsm world. I originally started becoming more involved in order to meet women that Sir and I could enjoy but I soon found it had the added benefit of strengthening my submission to Sir. 

I have become more active on Fetlife including attending some of the many events going on in the Seattle area. A few months back I met a very nice submissive woman who invited me to join her and other submissive ladies who occasionally get together and talk about both the ecstasy and the challenges of submission.

 

I have one particular roadblock that has been weighing on my mind lately and was hoping to get some advice from women that have the same burning desires as I do. Despite being very obedient to Sir  there has been one specific thing that when he asks me about it, I can't seem to acquiesce to immediately. He asks me if I would pleasure another man if he told me to and as recently as this past Saturday, I still stammered and showed contempt at the very mention of it. I never outright say no and eventually agree but we both know my submission is seriously lacking here. In most other realms, it has become instant, I don't think about what he desires, I simply comply. It may sound crazy and if I didn't trust him 100%, I might think it was pretty fucked up myself. But this has become part of my nature, especially recently. It is who I am and who I always wanted to be even though it took a long time for me to realize it.

 

Someone asked what has worked to strengthen my submission 

up to this point. I thought about it and this is what I came up with. 

 - Daily rituals. Well actually that would be ritual as I only have one that I do every single day and that is text when I go to bed. This ensures that it is last thing I think about on any given day. 

- Overwhelming horniness. My baseline is always horny anyway but I'm referring to that frenzied sexual energy that possesses me and I can think of nothing but all the amazing things he does to me. My symptoms become physical at this point as well. My pussy throbs and clenches uncontrollably and I get wet. At this stage I am usually waiting for him to grant permission for an orgasm or trying to delay asking him because I think it may be a bad time to bother him.

- My weekly report due every Sunday on the progress of my search for for another woman to play with.

- Hearing unexpectantly from him. Sometimes I hear from him out of the blue and he will text something he wants me to do or even better, something he has been thinking about that he would like to see happen for example, wear a sheer blouse or branding. He doesn't do this very often but when he does, my mind becomes fixated on whatever idea he has dreamed up and what I can do to ensure that this particular desire comes to fruition. Other times he surprised me by texting photos of himself, both sexual and non-sexual. This nearly puts me over the edge! My craving to submit and serve surges at these times.

- Having him choose my outfit. He asks me to take photos of myself in two different outfits and he then decides which I will wear that day. This also includes undergarments or even better, lack of undergarments. If he does decide I am not to wear panties, I am even more aroused all day which in turn reminds me of my dedication to serving him. 

- Serving him. I don't get the opportunity to this as much as I would like but a good example would be making and serving him dinner.

 

- Writing on my blog or Twitter. Also, reading about others kinky experiences. This fills my head lots of new and exciting ideas that I would love to try.

- Conquering a challenge he has given me. This is probably the number one thing that strengthens my submission. The pride I feel when I please him is overwhelming and to accomplish a difficult task just makes me want to do more to please. The ones that stick out in my mind are finding another woman and being alone with a woman. When I finally succeeded in my mission, the pride and satisfaction I felt was greater than words can describe.

So, needless to say, the girls were impressed with my journey especially because it was the first time in my life that I have done it. They could tell I take my submission very seriously but did have a few suggestions I hadn't thought of. Here are a few if them:

- Do more. More rituals. More serving. Basically more of everything I listed above. I love this idea and would gladly do anything he asked but ultimately it is up to Sir the frequency of any and all and activities. They suggested I tell him I can take as much as he can give. I am fairly certain he knows I would do just about anything to give him pleasure. I would hope he would never hold back in pushing me. I embrace and savor every single act of submission I have experienced for him and can't even imagine anything he asks being too much.

- On the flip side of serving, is learning to wait patiently for him to lead. Dominants don't want to feel like they HAVE to communicate when they really don't want to. If a submissive tries using guilt or manipulation to serve herself by getting him to serve her, this is a turnoff which will in turn strain your connection and possibly even  sabotage submission. I was told several times that one of the most difficult but also most important skills a submissive can possess is to know when the dominant wants silence or solitude. Learn to respect this and more importantly learn to know without being told to simply lay low and be quiet for awhile.

- The last piece of useful advice I learned was to practice particularly difficult scenario's in your head until it becomes second nature. Several times a day, I am to imagine him asking me to suck another man's cock and picture myself agreeing immediately in a calm, peaceful manner, finding contentment in his pleasure of how I submit so completely to him.

It was a wonderful night and I really enjoyed myself. It is so nice to talk to people who understand my nonconventional desires. I look forward to incorporating these gems of wisdom into my never ending quest to strengthen my submission so I can give Sir exactly what he deserves.