Pushing my Limits. What exactly are my Boundaries?

I’ve been thinking about boundaries lately. Pushing my limits and getting out of my comfort zone. T is synonymous with all these things to me and always has been in some capacity. Recently, I was invited to attend a get together at a friend’s where a consultant comes in and pushes her overpriced purses. I always feel like I have to buy at least something at those things despite the fact that never in a million years would I have bought it myself for that price in a department store.

T has a way of texting me things that in an instant, light a fire of all consuming desire in the neural pathways of my brain and sends my pussy into a constant state of alarm. Maybe I should just call him Pavlov? His words are a bell and my body is the salivating dog.

All that aside, from first thing that morning when I texted him my outfits to choose from, until the time I went to the party, there were several texts from him that served to ramp up my horniness, including requesting I touch myself at work (but no orgasm!) and telling me of his recent fantasy where I am laying on his floor after he just fucked me waiting to be summoned again by him. He knows quite well how horribly distracted I get from his words and boy was I ever distracted that day!

By the time I got to the party, my brain and body were so completely saturated with that constant yearning that only he can inspire. I could have most likely come on command (which is something I’ve been researching heavily and will write about more very soon)but would never, ever do that without his permission.

I told him quite explicitly just how wound up and sexually ravenous he was making me and a hour before the party started I received the following text from him:

“Good. Be frenzied. Find someone at the party who you’d want me to fuck in front of you and tell me about your thoughts.”

At exactly the same moment, jealously spread though out my brain and my pussy became noticeably wetter and even more aroused. How could something make me so defensive and jealous while at the same time make my body respond with such intense sexual reactions? Could this be because pleasure and pain are so intertwined in my body as well as my mind? The scientist in me wants to know why I react this way. Why I crave it like a drug. I search endlessly for the answer but it always seems to elude me.

I take his requests VERY seriously and this would be no exception. I now was over the top horny and on a mission to find just the right woman. For the most part, the party included mostly women anywhere from their early thirties to senior citizens. I quickly zeroed in on the two most obvious candidates which I soon reduced to the one perfect woman for our mutual fantasy. I texted him my choice and briefly how it made me feel and followed it up at home with the email below:

Dear T,

So, to tell you a little bit about our Sarah. She is warm, sweet and
sexy woman but as I've gotten to know her better, I have noticed
that like with most people, things are seldom as they appear.
She is only 32 and has been married since her late teens, having
her first child before she turned 21. She is a stay at home mom and
her kids are in school all day. I have seen the slightest of cracks
in her demeanor that make me wonder if she is perhaps a bit discontent
with her life. Maybe she feels like she missed out on a lot of experiences?

She is about 5'2 and definitely on the curvy side. She will say
she could probably stand to lose a few pounds but she doesn't
come across as fat to me, just earthy and voluptuous. She has
very large breasts and these seem to be what she likes to showcase.
She has very thick, long chestnut brown hair, sparkling eyes
and an infectious smile that while not perfect, radiates charm
and intelligence. She is the kind of person that becomes more
and more attractive as you get to know her.

I get the feeling she would be very sensual and attentive in bed. I
imagine that she would be on top while fucking you. It is light in
the room and I see myself watching the ecstasy and sheer amazement
spread across her face and expressive eyes as she experiences you, a
lover far greater that she ever, even in her wildest fantasies, could
have imagined existed.

She is not a tall woman and I imagine she might feel a little pain
because of your huge cock. It hurts her at first but soon this pain
begins to morph into pleasure and she begins to just lose complete
control. Soon, just like I have every time you fucked me, she falls
into an earth shattering, life changing orgasm. I keep going back to
how her face changes throughout the process and I find my pussy
getting wetter as I think about it.

My feelings about this are complicated. I am so trained by you as
well as by myself to want to bring you pleasure at whatever the cost.
Knowing you are turned brings me waves of endorphins I never could
have dreamed. I want it. I crave it. It's like a drug. I take your
sexual pleasure very seriously and would do anything to satisfy you.
I can't explain or even fully understand why this is but I accept it
as fact and honestly I wouldn't want it any other way.

Then, there is the other part of me. This part would be jealous and
angry by seeing you enjoying her breasts, your cock hard and ready
for her pussy, her lips on the body that has the power to instantly
turn me into an orgasmic mess. Maybe I would want to grab her by
the hair and rip her off of you. Then while she lay stunned on the floor,
I would turn to devour you with those uncontrollable urges only you
know how to inspire in me.

So as you can see, these emotions are on opposite ends of the spectrum
but I feel them both so strongly! It is so strange to me. How is it
that I could feel both extremes so intensely? It doesn't make sense
or seem rational but yet it is how I feel and what is making me so
fucking horny that I am nearly the point that I can't stand it much
longer!

I think in the end I would be open to experiencing this and that I
would indeed be able to process and control myself. I believe
I have the capacity to actually accept and even savor my jealousy
and competitiveness as well as my intense pleasure that floods me
when I know you are pleased.

It dawned on me that this experience would be very similar to that
blending of pleasure and pain that you bring me in bed, which
as you know for me, compares to nothing else. You inspire me to
push myself and to try so many things…

Betsy

In reality, I don’t know if this will ever happen. However, I have come to realize that if he does desire it, I will take whatever means necessary to bring it to life and completely immerse myself in both the pain and pleasure that the encounter will most surely bring. To date, I have not had a single regret with anything I have experienced with him and have no reason to believe this would be an any exception to that.

Why Some Strong Women Crave Sexual Submission

Sexual submission is a topic that was once taboo; it was only discussed by those “in the know” in
certain fetish groups and online communities. Recently though, with the popularity of the “Shades
of Grey” series of books, more women are looking at submission as a way to add spice to their sex
life. Women now whisper about submission with their girlfriends, or mention these fantasies to their
significant others. When the mainstream media sees a new trend it pounces on it and BDSM seems to be the new flavor of the month.

Surprisingly, there are more strong career-minded women who are sexually submissive than many
people think. Many of these women spend all day making the calls in the boardroom, or working as
doctors, lawyers or in other high-profile positions. During the day, they make their employees tremble
with a sharp word or look. So, why are things different in the bedroom?

Much of human's enjoyment of sex is fantasy. Women who are strong and commanding during the
day may wish to give up this power at night and spend time letting someone else make the calls.
Submission with the right partner allows a woman to give up control, in a safe way. Those who haven't
experienced the act of full submission in the bedroom may not fully understand, but it takes away the
need to think and question every move. A submissive is not worried about her enjoyment, because that enjoyment comes from fulfilling that special dominants wishes. She simply does as she's told and “enjoys the ride.”

Submitting to a partner is a fantasy of many women, whether one they voice or choose to keep
internalized. The important thing to remember is that fantasizing, or even acting on these fantasies with
a safe partner, doesn't make a woman any less strong and able. I believe it is the opposite actually. A woman needs to be secure and in touch enough with herself to even begin to explore this lifestyle. She needs to be able to understand that feminism is a woman's right to choose what makes her happy and if being dominated by a strong man in the bedroom is what gets her juices flowing then that is what she should seek out. Exchange of power scenarios are simply another way to explore sexual energy and emotions between a couple. As long as it is safe, sane and consensual that it is a beautiful thing.

As for me, in all other realms of my life, I am painfully in control. I carefully plan and orchestrate everything from paying my bills to planning a vacation. I purposefully take on lots of responsibility because it is just the way I've always been. Honestly though, it is stressful and a lot of pressure! Although I never realized it before, I needed an outlet! Being submissive to the man who I trust explicitly and who has been my lover or friend in some capacity for almost four years now has been incredible. I have reached heights in both my body and mind that I never could have imagined. I have become a more confident and satisfied woman.

There is no one way to be submissive and I love the endless creativity it provokes. I have given him complete control of my pussy or as we both refer to it now, "his pussy". I don't not play with it and most definitely do not have an orgasm without his expressed permission. Many days he also decides my dress and whether or not undergarments should be worn. As crazy as it sounds, this makes me insane with desire! He has also given me many unique challenges over the last few months, including orgasming in public, learning to deep throat, and pleasuring myself in front of virtual stranger at a BDSM club. These are definitely things that never would have crossed my mind that anyone would do, much less me! Even though we stumbled into this lifestyle together, he is so proficient that you would think he has been doing it for years.

I don't know what the future holds with T and part of this dominant/submissive relationship is not trying to control or worry about it. I find a lot of solace in that. I now think about what it would be like to have a normal, vanilla, sexual relationship now and I'm not sure I could go back to that. The heights of excitement have been set pretty high.