Happy Thanksgiving

Every year we see emails, cards, commercials, billboards around this time reminding us to be thankful. Its easy to say, but it isn't always so easy to do. I know that it has been a challenging year for many of us as we have been a part of so many changes. For some of us, these changes involved moving on to new jobs, new housing, new relationships and new stages of life. There were goodbyes and endings just as there were hellos and beginnings. There was extreme elation and great depths of despair. 

I’m sure I’m not the only one who simultaneously felt sad as I had to say farewell to things which had been such an integral part of my life and yet also excited and optimistic about future opportunities.

I can say this, however. I am indeed thankful for so many things and even all of the people whose paths crossed with mine regardless if ours was a positive or negative interaction.The last year for me has been full of change, successes, failures, laughs, and tears. I’m thankful for them all. I’m thankful for the time with my family, the new experiences, my d/s relationship with Sir, the opportunities to grow, the jokes (sometimes at my expense), the friendships, and most of all I’m thankful for all of the memories. 

Our lives will continue to be full of change, some good and some bad, but we can always be thankful for the experiences along the way. Each one is a mile marker along the road of life. After all, those experiences are what makes us who we are and have brought us to this very moment.  

So this week while you gather around friends and family to share a meal and the things you are thankful for, remember all of those little moments. On their own they may seem like insignificant parts of everyday life, but they are the threads that make up the tapestries of our lives. Be thankful for every precious moment, be it small or significant. When I’m thinking about those things I’m thankful for this Thursday, all of these will be among them.

A very Happy Thanksgiving to all of you, my friends.

Dinner, sex and great company

The title says it all! Those are all the elements needed for a great night which is exactly what I had!

I finally got some much needed time with Sir. I invited him over for dinner which we enjoyed with a picture perfect view of Seattle, arguably one of the most beautiful cities in the world. 

He is still having a difficult time in some very important parts of his life and seems tired and worn out. I understand that everyone has hardships and rough terrain they must trudge though but it just makes me sad to see such a great human being, one that I care a great deal about, suffering. The only thing I can do  is just be there if he needs to talk and not put demands on him or add drama. He knows I would do anything for him but not unlike myself, he needs to muddle through in his own way and in his own time.

Despite the effects of the ongoing struggles in his mood, we had a great time. Even when is sad, depressed or just blah, he is still awesome company. He was as funny and charming as ever in that way that only he can be. As for the sex? That sex, that i never dreamed could be so great?  Well, I am happy to report that as always, it was legendary and left me euphoric and one satisfied bitch!

I am so glad we got to catch up and I absolutely love to serve him. I admit, I felt a little tense at first but that soon disappeared and we fell right back into our usual awesome dynamic. 

I hope I brought him a little sunshine even if just for a little while. He deserves that and so much more.

A Horny Blogaversary!

This month is a blogaversery of sorts. I started this blog in May 2012 but only wrote sporadically for the first year and a half. 

November 7th, 2013 was the start of my required weekly blogpost and I've written 54 posts since! It's interesting to look back at the many adventures and struggles I've had over the last year. I conquered a lot of fears and difficult situations. Yes, I've also had my share of failures and setbacks and it was very difficult at times but I never gave up.

I'm grateful Sir enforces this writing rule. There have been so many times that writing helped me process my emotions  and I came out stronger and wiser because of it.  I'm proud of my progress and often don't give myself enough credit but I must say,  I am one damn tough and resilient bitch! I don't know many people who could take on all the deeply ingrained programming and work through the growing pains. I have Sir to thank for helping me get this far and look forward to seeing what else we can conquer together.

I've been super horny lately! It started with that huge gorgeous moon we had last Friday. Something about a full moon really turns me on. I've always loved when the moon was full anyway but now that I have this terribly high sex drive, it has taken on a whole new meaning. 

I often thought it was a metaphor for bringing lightness into the dark which is maybe why it makes me feel so good. Who knows? All I know is that it makes me one horny bitch!

Sir did allow me one orgasm this evening which I am so grateful for. I did try to get another but no such luck...

Fortunately, we have plans to get together soon. That's the only real cure for what ails me. I would taking fucking him once over 100 orgasms by myself!

What can I say? He is just too damn talented ;)

Perserverance

Things have been difficult lately. Dark, damp and moody much like fall in Seattle. This has been mostly true for Sir but for more so than usual for me as well. I've been on this earth long enough to know how life's positive and negative energy ebb and flow. Most of the time I can ride out the difficult times but other times... Well, not so much.

This morning I remembered that I had a post due. I felt a bit overwhelmed. I didn't have anything to say and it seemed a daunting task. I thought about just writing a generic article about some bdsm topic but my heart wasn't in it. I let this thought settle. It didn't settle well.

On a whim, I decided to ask if I could skip writing a blog post today. I wasn't going to skip all together. I just wanted an extension in hopes I would be inspired soon. 

As soon as I pressed "send" I regretted it. This was a horrible, terrible, tragic idea! This was a lethal dose of poison to something very important to me and something Sir and I have spent years trying to cultivate. If I missed writing this today, soon I would miss something else, then something else and before I knew it, I would be completely rewired to submit only when it was easy or convenient which as anyone knows, isn't submission at all.

This thought shook me. Hard. I NEVER stop just because something is difficult. At least when it comes to this. If I didn't write a post today, I might as well just hang up my nipple clamps and join team vanilla. Resign myself to a life of bland sex and wishy-washy roles. A life where in time I would most likely go mad because of the lack of boundaries and general malaise. I shudder to even consider it. 

I really started to panic when he simply wrote back "Skip tonight". 

No! That is not the answer! Patience and perseverance is the only answer. This was my mini battle to fight and my mama didn't raise no pussy. If I have a task due, nothing, especially self pity, should ever stop me from getting it done.

Fortunately, he finally told me this behavior just makes everything worse and turns him off. Now, as he himself said, that may sound harsh but it stopped me dead in my tracks and I could feel my attitude change almost immediately. Harsh or not, I respond best to someone directly stating the consequences of my behavior. If I don't like those consequences, I change my behavior. End of story. It's what I need. 

Of course, I am only human and I need compassion and empathy as much a the next person but not in this situation. I need to know that I have gone too far. I am grateful he still feels free to be that way with me. 

After, the adjustment in my thinking, It started to dawn on me that perhaps my submission was not stagnate after all. In fact, maybe it was being tested more than it ever had been before. That whether or not I could handle distance and inevitable periods of difficulty in itself was a test of my devotion. I had been looking at it all wrong. 

My challenge right now is not to see if I can take X amount of pain, grapple with compersion or see how horny I can get before I explode but to patiently and respectively lay low. To offer quiet assurance that he is safe to deal with what he needs to and process the difficult emotions he is feeling without any extra stress from me.

This has been a tough learning experience but I think I finally get it. My resolve has been renewed. I'm not saying it will be easy and that I won't ever struggle but I can now clearly see the bigger picture instead of getting hung up on one moment in a long journey. 

I'm going to work hard on this. He deserves the best I can give and I hope he never accepts anything less from me or anyone else.